Making friends - where are all the women in their 30s?

[EarthSight]

As a single woman without children, who'd like to meet women of a similar age to me (30s), that live locally (at least in the same county)....where do I go? Almost everyone I've seen in volunteering groups (joined several), craft classes, swimming groups, ramblers/ walking and fitness groups, are all at least 65 years old and above. I can't join events orientated at young families or turn-up to play areas because well...I don't have kids!

However, I used to live in a city for years, and most people used to turn up to events in pairs or small groups. They seemingly had little interest in making conversation with anyone else, and I really don't blame them. It was the same in gym or fitness glasses - many people just want to put their headphones on and go home.

I’m in the same boat. It’s really difficult. Whereabouts are you?

Yes, it is hard to make friends. Everyone always has people with them already. People at the gym just want to do their workout and go home.

Maybe ask on your community Facebook page and see if there are any clubs/groups you could join.

It's true most women in that age bracket have families but you will find something somewhere if you do a bit of digging. Many of the friends I've made from baby/toddler groups also go to other clubs and groups that have nothing to do with their children: yoga, choir, running meet ups, book groups etc.

one of my best friends is 25 years older than me another 20 years younger
maybe think person first, age second?

I'm also in the same boat - no children and new to area, I so much miss having a mate to go to the pub with or have dinner with whilst putting the world to rights! Not Derbyshire are you?

As someone who moved around a lot when younger, I think late 20’s/ early 30’s is the worst time to make new friends.

think most people get lazy with their social lives, and social circles shrink. People tend to go out as couples. I ‘lost’ a lot of friends when they had kids.

That said, things change and people start coming out of woodwork again once kids get older.

no great ideas, but just wanted to say keep your chin up and some people will turn up!

keep going to clubs- it only takes one person to potentially open up a whole new social life.

I'm happy that you were content with this, but I want friends vaguely my own age and don't think there's anything wrong with that. I've had more than one friend in the past who was much older than me, so I've already had this experience. I value them as people and mentors, but it doesn't feel the same.

Ha no! But coincidently, I used to live there for a while! 😁A fine county. I've now moved back to Wales.

Yes I think I'm going to have another look. Some Facebook walking groups look so ideal....they seem to be filled with similar women....but hardly anyone on there seems to actually go on the walks!! I just don't get it. The groups seem to be set-up for women to meet-up in real life, yet many seem to just want to share their own solo journeys and not really connect. Some are just there to post filtered, duck-lipped selfies of themselves on various mountain tops to direct traffic to their influencer vlogs or Insta accounts.

What’s your job? I’m 35 and usually make new friends at work. I do like to move jobs every couple of years though. I have some really good friends that are younger/older by up to 10 years so maybe try widening your net a bit. My oldest friend (age wise) is nothing like me but we still get on really well.

content suggests satisfaction
i prefer happy
just a suggestion
good luck

Have you tried the Peanut app in your area? I can't vouch for it as was too lazy to follow through with it in the end, but had a look when I moved to a new area and was surprised by how active it was

Have you tried meetup? But yes, I know how you feel. I seem to only ever find myself in social situations with people over 50 or under 25. This has resulted in friendly acquaintance but not true friends.

Bit of time and money investment but lots of people seem to meet people by having a dog?

I'm 30's and in Wales too, let's go tear up the town. Or Snowdon, whichever you'd prefer.

I get it though, it's tough. I do have a child but I had her veeery young so she's 16 now and off doing her own thing. Almost everyone in my peer group is just starting out with kids and while I do love the friends I have, I'd also love to go out and not have the conversation turn to sore nipples or poo at least once.

I made a mid 30's childfree female friend in the last six months on a dog walk when my dog took a shine to hers. Sometimes it just happens randomly. Maybe get out hiking and hope you stumble across someone? 😂

I think this is spot on.
Is there a parkrun near you? I find they can be a really great way of meeting people - particularly if you volunteer rather than run/walk (although if you do participate there is often a cafe that people go to afterwards, so you'll meet people that way). Parkrun folk are definitely all ages, not just older people.
Seems to me, the way to make friends isn't generally to meet someone that you instantly click with. It's actually about seeing people regularly - which is why it was so easy at school or when you're studying or working together. Parkrun can be that weekly thing. Also, I'm involved in a junior parkrun and most of our volunteers don't have kids - so don't rule out kids events!

I've made friends at work. On a wreath making course. At church. At the salon.

Ask yourself where women will be. Then go! Swimming? Dog walking? Book club? Art class? Fitness class?

Where about in wales @EarthSight
Ive recently returned here and struggle with this too, I’m 34

This is unfortunately how it is. Around this age people have families of their own and don’t get enjoyment out of socialising how you did in your 20s. If you don’t have a family or relationship you will be extremely lonely that’s why everyone starts to panic at this age.

What about joining a team sport?

Just had a thought!

Bumble has a friends mode where you can meet people for social stuff in your area..

I’ve been to the Parkrun here quite a lot but it’s massive, never found an opportunity to chat to anyone there.

The Meetup groups for women here are all restaurant-based. I can’t afford to eat out very often and feel quite awkward dining with strangers.

I’ve been to a few rambling meetups but found them cliquey. People marched off ahead in their own groups. Likewise a women’s running group I joined… people paired up with people they already knew and I found myself running on my own. I really did make an effort to try to chat and be friendly but I came away feeling even worse than when I started.

There’s a few other ‘socials’ Meetup groups but they’re massive… held in pubs with 40+ people per meet and I haven’t found the courage to go along to one.

I don’t like choirs, knitting, crafts, yoga etc. I can’t keep up with books for a book club as I don’t have the time. It’s tricky.

@EarthSight I'm older than you but across all age groups, i find the same since lockdown. I don't care about age.

I can tell you the 30somethings in my block of flats seem to all have pets and (limited) free time is spent walking them or home watching TV.

Every night the whatsapp group has some chat but people hardly go out. I find it weird the same people are chatting there but so far only two have wanted to have a drink, were kind enough to give me a gift at Christmas but then back to not much contact.

I have gone past the stage of thinking it must be my fault but it doesn't change how lonely life is.

dog walking socials are big round here but I don't want a dog.

I haven't found people re-emerge after having kids but again, they were starting to but post lockdown, not at all.

I’m in a brilliant walking group. Women from mid twenties up to mid sixties .They meet up all the time. This week there are two events and some there are three. Some small the smallest was 5 people up to some huge ones of 50 they also do some meals out etc. I have made one really good friend who I would ring at 2 in the morning and she would me. It feels like, we have known each other for ever. Those are friends that are few and far between especially when older. We meet up as a two and also with the group.

I am mid fifties the youngest mate I meet up with quite a bit is 39 and the oldest is 81 though most of my friends are in their fifties like me. The young un likes coffee and cake and my mate who is 81 will get a mini bottle of wine out of her handbag, she is brilliant but a bit of a bugger and a shocking flirt.

Find friends with common interests, age is less important. Last year I went out with DS GF and her friends to a salsa night with live band. I took classes for 2 years so taught them some basic moves, they are 21. Age really is just a number.

Try bumble BFF xx