Boyfriend breaking up with me for letting my daughter see her dad.

[Familiarspirit12]

I've been with my partner on & off for 10 years. We split up for a few years during this time we both had separate partners. I ended up falling pregnant & now have a 2 year old daughter however, we split up due to the fact that he was violent & threw a baby walker at my daughter. A few months later my new partner & I got together. However, my ex has not really been involved due to the fact he was violent to my daughter. Social services told me he is still allowed to see my daughter & recently I've agreed that he pick her up from nursery & have her 4 hours on a Wednesday every week.

Needless to say my new partner is absolutely disgusted with this & has threatened to split up with me over it. He feels very protective towards my daughter & has said I am being ridiculous & irresponsible by letting her see in his words "the abusive p*k" he says he swears she comes back traumatised when he sees her after hes been there. He says I should take him to court & win full custody?

I now feel like I'm being a bad mother & I don't know what to do??? On one hand I feel she should see her dad. On the other I feel I'm being a bad mum. As far as my new partner is concerned I can see his point however, I also feel like telling him to keep his nose out as its not his business.

I'm just wondering what other people's outside opinions on this situation are?

Absolutely no way in hell would I let my kids see their dad if he was ever violent to them!! There is no reason why he wouldn’t do it again. I am 100% with your partner.

Why do you feel she should see her dad if he is violent towards her??

OP can’t just stop her seeing her Dad if he has PR. Social services have agreed to the contact.

I would battle the courts or literally move across the country before I let anyone violent near my kids.

Is the four hours supervised by SS?
I would never allow my child unsupervised visits with a violent person.

You should be writing down how your child has reacted to the visits and taking her answers seriously when you ask how the visit went. I would not let her go again. Gather all your information and apply for sole custody.

I'm trying to do what's right i wanted to give him a chance to see his daughter. I can't stop him seeing her as it hasn't been to court or anything.

@Familiarspirit12 You’ve got this wrong. He cannot insist on contact because he hasn’t been to court yet.

Actually I believe it’s the opposite. You can absolutely stop him seeing her (as he is violent!!!) unless a court instructs you that you have to.

The parental rights are impacted here in the specific case that the welfare of the child is compromised.

Stop sending your daughter to a violent man.

It seems the only person who has your daughters best interests at heart is your partner.

Why on earth would you let an abusive violent man near your child?
Let him take you to court, if he would even bother. You can tell the judge your concerns.

I don't blame him. And saying it's none of his business and he should keep his nose out? That man cares about your daughter, you should be grateful there's one man in her life that doesn't physically abuse her. Disgusting.

If he was violent with your child, why didn’t it go to court? Why didn’t you seek to have his rights restricted?

Yes parenting orders aside why was the police not called

It’s the other way around. You can keep him from seeing her, and make him go to court if he wants access.

You absolutely need to stop contact and safeguard your child from that man. Listen to your partner.

Is this a wind up?

Tbh since it has happened my head has been all over. He was also insidious with his gaslighting antics which I feel is what has happened here. I think he has gaslight me so much into believing he is is tge better person.

The reason I feel like saying its none of his business because its putting alot of stress on me with her dad & him constantly on my case. On one hand I've got her dad insisting he sees her & threatening me & my new partner on the other hand saying im ridiculous for doing so.

I think my partner is trying to be my voice of reason when I've been so manipulated by this man. I almost feel scared to take power back incase of the repercussions he always messed with my life that much & ruined alot for me.

I don't know how to ve strong with him cause I'm scared.

An abusive man is just going to the nursery to pick the child up without mum or anyone else being there r any supervision? I got a telling off from MNHQ recently so all I'll say is that I am reporting the thread.

Op I will assume your ex hasn’t been to anger management sessions or any counselling, and has made no effort to even start to change. Even if he has, I STILL would not be letting him near your child. Regardless of how you feel, it is your responsibility to protect your daughter.

If YOU are scared of your ex, imagine how much danger a small child is in.

If it helps, seek advice from Citizens Advice and Women’s Aid today. You’re very lucky you have a partner who is looking out for your daughter.

Thank you for understanding. I'm in the process of EMDR fior narcissistic abuse.

I still feel heavily manipulated by my ex.

Thank you for also being my voice of reason on this thread.

Are you going to stop letting this violent man see your daughter from now on?

Then maybe not having another partner around your child may be benifical

My current partner is fine & supportive. I'm just trying to work out my best options here

I'm sorry but if there was proven violence why would you send a tiny child who can't stand up for herself. I find the social findings bizarre if this is the case saying he can see her unsupervised, one hit and she could be dead. I left an abusive man who was violent to me with the help of police and social with a month old baby and the first thing they did was support court proceedings against the dad seeing the child. The judge didn't didn't even dither about and that man is not allowed near until he is 18 and he is now 13

yeah ok sure

Okay I'm glad you are giving me advice on my options here.

I have been unaware & SS just saud he has a right to see her. Am I able to press charges now as the police were involved at the time of the incident?