How to mend a very tactless remark?

[chopinwaltz26]

My younger niece is getting married in May. They sent save the date cards out in 2022!
I was talking to my brother on the phone on Sunday and neither of us are especially keen to go to the wedding.
Firstly, because it is not a wedding, the couple are marrying legally with parents and siblings a week or so in advance.
Secondly, because the the "performance" and party are on a Thursday, starting at 13:00, meaning that anyone, wanting to stay at the location, needs to book 2 nights.
Thirdly, I think we feel a bit too old to do all the partying.
Stupidly I relayed that to my niece, error on my part, I know.
I would fo and have already booked to stay the 2 nights, which also means a flight from Europe and 3 days' lost income. At present that amounts to about €2500.
I really did not intend to upset her or her future husband as I love them both dearly, but do young people have any idea of the effort and expense involved, even if they are paying for the actual party?
How can I make this better again? I will go, but I do not thin my brother will and my sister-in-law cannot as she has to work then.
Grateful for advice on this.

Maybe the rest of the family will tell all the amusing anecdotes at the wedding the OP won't be going to....😂😂😂😂

You're confusing."marriage" with "wedding".

Make-up artists are for the latter.

A bride wants to look her best, and if she knows the one she wants, and she's available and in her budget, then why not.

Loss of potential earnings still doesn't count if freelance, unless you are saying you work 52 weeks a year, every year and have never had a Thursday or Friday included as holiday time - I doubt that is the case, so it's a null argument.
Most people living in the real world would baulk at the idea of only 6 weeks notice, few would turn up.
The concept of altruism has passed you by and if it doesn't suit you, in your world that counts more than the many other people going, for whom it works well.
Happily, people in the know arrange things with the majority in mind, and not to meet your personal expectations while annoying the masses.

This is definitely a piss take - who the hell uses the phrase Yuppie in 2024?

I think I'm here. It's unfortunate you made the remarks, but done now and apologies made. I'd probably decline, and my H could go. I guess it depends how much you need the income. What has nieces mam said about it? It's very common now to do the legal and have the celebrations afterwards.

Also, isn't it polite to indicate on the save the date that the marriage will already have taken place legally? Friends of mine did that, as there is quite clearly a distinction between the legals and the celebrations. It's just traditionally they're on the same day. Hence it's been a bit remiss of the bride not to mention it. I must confess, if international travel was involved, I'd think twice for what is effectively a party.

Her wedding her rules. Don't go if means that amount of money and hassle, it is your call to go or not. A the en of the day if something doesn't suit you, you don't have to accommodate it.

It really amuse me people planning weddings like the world is going to stop and after recieving the negatives to the invitation sulking like kids because "you know" is my wedding!

If she wanted all of you there, she wouldn't choose an other country venue in a working day excluding kids.

Don’t most people go to a wedding with the expectation of a party or celebration afterwards though? Are the people who don’t like the idea of “the wedding” not being the actual legal ceremony saying that they would happily travel for 10 mins of vows in a register office and not mind if there wasn’t so much as a glass of champagne afterwards? Rather than attend the full wedding party and witness an affirmation of love, intent etc beforehand that looks a lot like vows even if it isn’t?

Pure straight reg office marriages are pretty quick - they have 3 sets of words / vows you can choose from and one of those is so short you’d be done in 5 mins all told!

Truly incredible how every single one of the OP's posts contains a new little snide dig at the bride. Performance, bizarre scenario, ironic given her profession, yuppies, and is the "perhaps not the generation but the demographic" a nasty class-based reference?

You want advice but there's no point in anyone giving it to you. Firstly you obviously won't take it, secondly because you'd be incapable of apologising properly without making another nasty little remark and thirdly because the bride probably doesn't gve a shit and would rather you stayed away.

My general advice would be to stop being such a nasty snob who thinks how things "should" be done (in your head) is more important than how your loved ones are actually doing them.

This is very much written in the manner of someone attempting to write a novel, having gained inspiration from 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'Birds of a Feather'!

It seems odd that the OP is only interested in being a witness to a legal event. I presume she therefore attends the register office when someone dies and not the funeral.

Weddings, like other life event gatherings are about the changes in our lives. They celebrate and remember and gather loved ones together. If she doesn't want to celebrate with the other guests then she shouldn't go.

Such nasty comments to the OP. Imagine they're from the kind of shrieking women you see at hotel weddings, drunk as skunks, and mincing around in ridiculous fascinators and ridiculous heels. The OP, who states she's not a party person, thought her 'save the date' was for a marriage ceremony, not a three-ring circus

Quite the opposite. But OP's disdain for her niece is palpable. Nasty in fact. Because the wedding doesn't fit their (as yet unexpanded upon) idea of 'traditional'. And unless the invitation specifically states 'partying absolutely essential', nobody is asking OP to be a 'party person'. That's their narrow idea of what the wedding is going to be like.

My aunt had a shitload of opinions on my wedding. Her behaviour was off the charts. She only made herself look nasty and bitter to every last guest that attended.

I will never speak to her ever again.

@Echobelly Thank you for your comment. I have a lovely relationaship with my niece and her intended At present am under a lot of stress, which something on Wednesday triggered.
I may also be incredibly jealous that I had to conform to certain expectations, which the younger generation do not appear to have.

To most, who replied, my main point was, we are all being asked to take 3 days off for something that is not actually a legal wedding.
The fact that I think the whole thing is so bloody pretentioue is neither here or there.

Oh and I forgot to add that we have only had save the date info. no actual invitation, which I also think, 2 years in advance, is incredibly ridiculous.

You write like you're from the 18th century.

@fatphalange Not really, but ai was brought up in a different time.

Good grief, are you STILL carrying on with the jibes at your niece?

You posted once to say what a lovely relationship you have with her, and how your original comments to her were due to stress, and five minutes later you call her wedding pretentious.

You're either writing that book you mentioned or are desperately hoping for the press to pick this up.

I hope your niece and her fiance have a wonderful celebration of their love, and that you find some peace.