Was I supposed to acknowledge her?

[Fourthtwin]

Help me understand something and please tell me if I'm wrong here. My wife and I are in our early 50s. I'm 54, she's 53. We have been together some 20+ years. We are very active in our church, well at least I am. I'm a deacon and on several different auxiliaries and things so I pretty much stay very busy while service is going on. My wife doesn't really do much but she is on one auxiliary. They usually only meet ever few months or so when something needs to be planned. I'm on the same auxiliary as well.

Again, we've been together some 20 years. We went to bed together Sat night. Woke up together Sun morning. Got dressed together and rode to church together. Even sat together for 2 hours, shoulder to shoulder. Talked from the time we woke up till the time service was over and I had some duties I had to do. I was recently elevated to vice chair of the deacon's board so I now have more on my plate. One thing I do is assist the finance woman with making sure the offering is collected and to make sure she gets to the finance room safely. Me and a few other guys are equipped with radios with earpieces to stay in contact with each other for security reasons and things like that. After service me and the woman were on our way to the finance room and just so happen my wife was coming up the other end of the hallway. Me and this woman were discussing her mother who had just passed a few weeks earlier. My wife and I took a road trip to the funeral for support. Anyway when I / we passed my wife we were still talking so we just kept on going while my wife walked in the opposite direction. Once all my duties were done and the church was secure the wife and I left. We rode home together. But by the time we got home my wife made mention that when she passed me in the hallway I didn't say anything to her. Please correct me if I'm wrong but was I suppose to acknowledge her after sitting next to her for the past 2 hours, rode to church with her, etc? She said she felt some kind of way by me not saying anything to her. Was I supposed to?

Wow, you're a pretty big deal!

' Was that not enough or should I have done more even though I was doing an official duty at the moment? '

I think we've answered why are you still asking?

@Fourthtwin I wonder what kind of church you actually go to if it needs security to transport the collection to the finance room???? are you in the USA?

I don’t know why, over such a trivial matter, someone would want to seek the validation of being right in the eyes of loads of random MNers instead of just saying to their wife “sorry I didn’t realise you would feel that way, I will be more thoughtful next time”. Unless getting loads of MNers riled up is the point, of course. Always a possibility.

If it’s not a windup, then I think it would be wise to seek guidance from someone in a pastoral role at the church on how to handle criticism from your wife.

I can’t believe some of the answers here.

I work with my husband and we often pass each other without even a look. I’m with you OP, you’ve done nothing wrong in my view.

How can you walk past someone you love and not even smile. Weird.

1 Peter 3:7: In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.

I always smile and acknowledge colleagues in passing, never mind my significant other! 🤣🤣🤣

Congratulations on being a deacon.

Don’t know what they do when they’re not escorting women into the vestry…

Gonna be in the minority here and say that given the importance and the delicate nature of your mission at the time, and given you were otherwise together most of the day, failing to acknowledge your wife formally in that instance should have been OK.

It may have stung for a second, but kind of surprised she needed to even mention it to you later. She ought to have weighed up the situation and understood

If it's the sort of church I think it is, then women (most of them at least) know their place in the hierarchy. As it were. If you get my drift.

The bare minimum when you're in a conversation and pass someone you know (or even just recognise) at work is to give them the double eyebrow raise, to show you've seen them but you can't stop or talk. It's standard human interaction, even the big bosses know about it.

fine, but if he didn’t like it and spoke to you about it, what would you do? Dismiss his feelings? Come on mumsnet and post about it?

Sure. Even less likely that posting on mumsnet for backup would be sought though.

If you don’t care what your wife thinks, why would you care what a load of random women on mumsnet think?

You sound full of self-importance. Take your head out of your arse and listen to what the majority of the posters are saying to you.

Reminds me of thisReligion

Your wife is telling you something. why don’t you listen to her about how she feels, rather than ask a bunch of strangers on the internet to back you up that you are “not wrong” or you are “right”?

she feels this. She’s telling you. If you value her, listen. Ffs

No need for chit chat. However, a smile in passing would be usual.

Incidentally, does your ear piece make you feel very important?

😆😂😂 the 15 minutes before you were sitting next to her...I mean ffs, how needy is this wumin... Needing eye contact and a nod from you when only 15 minutes earlier she had the pleasure of your body being situated right next to her.

Honest to gawd, leave the needy totes emosh wife... She doesn't deserve you with all that proximity you give her...I mean only that very morning she woke up next to you... she should be the happiest women alive.