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Original poster

Was I supposed to acknowledge her?

145 replies

Fourthtwin · 22/01/2024 22:02

Help me understand something and please tell me if I'm wrong here. My wife and I are in our early 50s. I'm 54, she's 53. We have been together some 20+ years. We are very active in our church, well at least I am. I'm a deacon and on several different auxiliaries and things so I pretty much stay very busy while service is going on. My wife doesn't really do much but she is on one auxiliary. They usually only meet ever few months or so when something needs to be planned. I'm on the same auxiliary as well.

Again, we've been together some 20 years. We went to bed together Sat night. Woke up together Sun morning. Got dressed together and rode to church together. Even sat together for 2 hours, shoulder to shoulder. Talked from the time we woke up till the time service was over and I had some duties I had to do. I was recently elevated to vice chair of the deacon's board so I now have more on my plate. One thing I do is assist the finance woman with making sure the offering is collected and to make sure she gets to the finance room safely. Me and a few other guys are equipped with radios with earpieces to stay in contact with each other for security reasons and things like that. After service me and the woman were on our way to the finance room and just so happen my wife was coming up the other end of the hallway. Me and this woman were discussing her mother who had just passed a few weeks earlier. My wife and I took a road trip to the funeral for support. Anyway when I / we passed my wife we were still talking so we just kept on going while my wife walked in the opposite direction. Once all my duties were done and the church was secure the wife and I left. We rode home together. But by the time we got home my wife made mention that when she passed me in the hallway I didn't say anything to her. Please correct me if I'm wrong but was I suppose to acknowledge her after sitting next to her for the past 2 hours, rode to church with her, etc? She said she felt some kind of way by me not saying anything to her. Was I supposed to?

OP posts:
BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 22/01/2024 22:52

RosesAndHellebores · 22/01/2024 22:45

Not acknowledging your wife is odd but not nearly as odd as attending a church that needs security and an escorted trip to the vestry to count the collection. The congregation does not sound very Christian.

Edited

I'd imagine that it's a duty of care to the secretary. She could be a target if people knew that she was walking through the church alone with vast sums of money. Churches are generally open to the public so anyone could walk in after mass.

blacksax · 22/01/2024 22:53

We rode home together

What - in a surrey with a fringe on top?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/01/2024 22:54

Yes, you should have acknowledged her with a smile or a "hey" or eye contact and a twitch of the eyebrow - blanking her was odd.

Haffdonga · 22/01/2024 22:54

Urcheon · 22/01/2024 22:49

Also, did you actually refer to your pastor’s wife as ‘our first lady’?

Oh wow - I missed the first lady comment!

Dear OP, you are pulling our unimportant little lady legs, aren't you?

RosesAndHellebores · 22/01/2024 22:55

@BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop I go to church. No such duty of care has ever been required. It's odd.

Catoo · 22/01/2024 22:56

Choice4567 · 22/01/2024 22:35

My goodness what an awful lot of waffle around a question. Why did we need the detail about ear pieces?!

So that we all know what a very important and busy deacon he is, with all the auxiliaries he’s involved in etc. Far too lofty to acknowledge the ole wife of 20 years, who doesn’t do that much. Keep up!

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 22/01/2024 22:56

legalseagull · 22/01/2024 22:27

I don't feel the need to talk to my husband every time we pass each other. If you've been together all morning and just stepped away, I can't see why you would say anything? You're talking to someone else. Sounds very insecure to me.

My thought entirely. They'd spent all morning together, why would he feel that he had to acknowledge again her minutes later?

If I've been through the bedroom for 15 minutes and my partner in the livingroom, I wouldn't greet him if we crossed paths in the hallway.

LusaBatoosa · 22/01/2024 22:58

Fourthtwin · 22/01/2024 22:39

Choco,

So no matter what job or duties you have the spouse is always more important, is that what you're saying? If I go to her job would I be wrong to expect her to quit working to chit chat with me and her bosses should just understand? No, I'm not getting paid for my duties at church but that are still duties I have to do. Should I tell the pastor I need to step down from everything because my wife doesn't want to be alone for a minute? Yeah, I'm being a little dramatic here but I just don't understand why I had to even acknowledge her when no more than 15 minutes earlier I was sitting next to her.

This is hilarious. 🤣

Your poor wife. Assuming this is real, obvs.

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 22/01/2024 22:59

RosesAndHellebores · 22/01/2024 22:55

@BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop I go to church. No such duty of care has ever been required. It's odd.

I also go to church. You have no idea if it's in a rough neighbourhood, if it's previously been a target etc. I remember when I was a teenager and our church collection plate got robbed, they made off with what was estimated to be a lot of money. Luckily no one was hurt but I can't imagine hurting someone while grabbing the money would be much of a problem for the type of person who would rob a church.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 22/01/2024 23:00

Fourthtwin · 22/01/2024 22:35

Legal, you think like me. We had been together from the time we woke up until the time service was over and I had official work to do. Do most married couples speak to each other in their homes like this too? Every time you pass each other you wink, knod, squeeze their rear end, kiss them on the cheek, etc? I was on an official duty to make sure she got to the finance room safe with the money. It wasn't like we were just standing in the back hallway chewing the fat. Does that not come into play here? The wife is more important that any duties I may have in my position.

We do after 31 years together. A brief touch of the hand, a smile....something!!!

JudyGeller · 22/01/2024 23:01

You seem to think very highly of your stature in the church and put a lot of time and effort into it it seems…..maybe try giving your wife the same courtesy as you would one of your fellow church members.

Also can tell a mile off this is going to be one of those threads that go’s like this :

OP “ Was I in the wrong here?”
99.9% of posters “ yes you were “
OP “ NO I’M NOT!!! NOW I’M FLOUNCING OFF AND I’M STILL RIGHT!!! “ 😂

RaininSummer · 22/01/2024 23:01

Odd not to smile or wink or something and it may seem to the other woman that you and your wife are not on good terms if you blank each other .

hellsBells246 · 22/01/2024 23:01

Springcleaninginsummer · 22/01/2024 22:09

If you have to ask whether you should smile at your wife as you pass her, I wonder what the hell you are doing acting as a Pastor to other people? What sort of advice or guidance can you offer to anyone?

👏👏👏

Gagaandgag · 22/01/2024 23:02

I think the acknowledgment hides a deeper issue. She is obviously feeling insecure and you shouldn’t berate her but gently approach and offer kindness.

hellsBells246 · 22/01/2024 23:02

The wife???

Sunnysideupagain · 22/01/2024 23:03

blacksax · 22/01/2024 22:53

We rode home together

What - in a surrey with a fringe on top?

🤣🤣

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 22/01/2024 23:04

Paperdove87 · 22/01/2024 22:27

Now that your wife has told you this simple tiny thing which would cost you nothing to give is something she'd like from you, I don't understand why you wouldn't just do it. You seem very resistant to this just for the sake of it. If you're not even willing to meet your wife's needs in this small way what other things are you not willing to do in your relationship?

This. It's important to her and would cost you very little to nod or smile or give a little wave so why noy just do it next time instead of making a big deal of it? Neither of you have to be right or wrong, you just have a different preference here, but when we can do something little that doesn't really impact us and makes someone you're in a relationship happy then why not just do it.

ClimbingHydrangea · 22/01/2024 23:06

Ah a very important man, with a very important role, with very important duties. Ear pieces and everything. Now I am imagining some mission impossible style scene to get the bursar and the collection plate safely to the office. Nothing can get in the way, not even THE wife.

Urcheon · 22/01/2024 23:06

JudyGeller · 22/01/2024 23:01

You seem to think very highly of your stature in the church and put a lot of time and effort into it it seems…..maybe try giving your wife the same courtesy as you would one of your fellow church members.

Also can tell a mile off this is going to be one of those threads that go’s like this :

OP “ Was I in the wrong here?”
99.9% of posters “ yes you were “
OP “ NO I’M NOT!!! NOW I’M FLOUNCING OFF AND I’M STILL RIGHT!!! “ 😂

I’M FLOUNCING, BUT I’VE GOT LOTS OF VERY IMPORTANT CHURCH JOBS, SO IM DEFINITELY RIGHT! AND DID I MENTION THE EARPIECE?

Gagaandgag · 22/01/2024 23:07

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 22/01/2024 23:04

This. It's important to her and would cost you very little to nod or smile or give a little wave so why noy just do it next time instead of making a big deal of it? Neither of you have to be right or wrong, you just have a different preference here, but when we can do something little that doesn't really impact us and makes someone you're in a relationship happy then why not just do it.

Show quote history

Another who agrees with this!
Please share with us, what is the problem with just doing this...!?

Sunnysideupagain · 22/01/2024 23:07

@blacksax that was the image in my head too!

@Fourthtwin or are you Mr William Collins?

JudyGeller · 22/01/2024 23:10
Dont Touch Me Season 4 GIF by The Office

Oh my word my apologies…...HOW COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY FORGOT THE ALL IMPORTANT EARPIECE!!!

blacksax · 22/01/2024 23:24

After service me and the woman were on our way to the finance room...

That should be 'the woman and I'.

Andthereyougo · 22/01/2024 23:30

RaininSummer · 22/01/2024 23:01

Odd not to smile or wink or something and it may seem to the other woman that you and your wife are not on good terms if you blank each other .

I don’t think the OP sounds like a winking sort of person.

whiteshutters · 22/01/2024 23:35

One thing I do is assist the finance woman with making sure the offering is collected and to make sure she gets to the finance room safely. Me and a few other guys are equipped with radios with earpieces to stay in contact with each other for security reasons and things like that.

What the heck kind of Church is this?

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