Was I supposed to acknowledge her?

[Fourthtwin]

Help me understand something and please tell me if I'm wrong here. My wife and I are in our early 50s. I'm 54, she's 53. We have been together some 20+ years. We are very active in our church, well at least I am. I'm a deacon and on several different auxiliaries and things so I pretty much stay very busy while service is going on. My wife doesn't really do much but she is on one auxiliary. They usually only meet ever few months or so when something needs to be planned. I'm on the same auxiliary as well.

Again, we've been together some 20 years. We went to bed together Sat night. Woke up together Sun morning. Got dressed together and rode to church together. Even sat together for 2 hours, shoulder to shoulder. Talked from the time we woke up till the time service was over and I had some duties I had to do. I was recently elevated to vice chair of the deacon's board so I now have more on my plate. One thing I do is assist the finance woman with making sure the offering is collected and to make sure she gets to the finance room safely. Me and a few other guys are equipped with radios with earpieces to stay in contact with each other for security reasons and things like that. After service me and the woman were on our way to the finance room and just so happen my wife was coming up the other end of the hallway. Me and this woman were discussing her mother who had just passed a few weeks earlier. My wife and I took a road trip to the funeral for support. Anyway when I / we passed my wife we were still talking so we just kept on going while my wife walked in the opposite direction. Once all my duties were done and the church was secure the wife and I left. We rode home together. But by the time we got home my wife made mention that when she passed me in the hallway I didn't say anything to her. Please correct me if I'm wrong but was I suppose to acknowledge her after sitting next to her for the past 2 hours, rode to church with her, etc? She said she felt some kind of way by me not saying anything to her. Was I supposed to?

Not sure the wife was looking for a warm embrace, a slap on the arse, or a high five.... Just fleeting eye contact with the briefest almost imperceptible nod of the head. Other than a robot/alien/imposter... Why would anyone need this advice.

No you are not expected to stop and 'chit chat' to your wife. But you should acknowledge her for sure. A smile, a nod - jeez i do that to randoms I pass while walking my dogs! How hard is it?

Funniest thread for a long time! Sitting here and laughing out loud – the Surrey with the fringe on top! Hahaha! Loves me a musical theatre reference! I do hope the OP comes back.

Oohh it’s got to be an American cult church!

Just keep ignoring your wife, she’ll never understand your hi-tech ear pieces anyway

No I wouldn't walk past my husband without even a smile, even at home I wouldn't just walk past him in the hall after 23 years.

You didn’t need to do much. A simple raise of the eyebrows or the slightest of nods would have sufficed to acknowledge her presence. I would have thought that was instinctive after all that time together.

You absolutely, 100% should have acknowledged her! Regardless of the rest of your story or any position you may or may not hold in any kind of organisation - ignoring your WIFE under any circumstances is IMO quite odd behaviour.

What kind of church is it that has to have the collections lady personally escorted to the "finance room" for security...?!?

Surely there can't be a church that big, with that much money collected, and in such a dangerous location they may get robbed in the offices there?!

😂😂

Do you and your security team also wear mirrored sunglasses and microphones in your cuffs?

It sounds like your wife felt a brief moment of insecurity when you didn't acknowledge her. It happens. As far as what you "should" have done, there isn't a right or wrong. It makes sense that you would keep talking, but it also makes sense that your wife felt snubbed. She probably just needed a bit of reassuring when she brought it up to you.

So that we fully appreciate how important the OP is!

Should I tell the pastor I need to step down from everything because my wife doesn't want to be alone for a minute?

Has anybody at all suggested this?

Op you sound lacking in a few social skills, a little bit of friendly body language would have done the job here, no bum squeezing needed.

Maybe try talking to your wife again and really listening to what is upsetting her?

That’s what they are called in some churches.

It doesn’t really matter what other people think about this. It sounds like you don’t like the idea that someone thinks you’ve done something wrong. You even came onto mumsnet to try to establish that your wife is wrong over such a small matter. I think that says a lot.

@Fourthtwin did your wife acknowledge the woman you were with? Did the woman acknowledge your wife? I personally wouldn’t have felt the need to say anything to my husband, as we would have been going home together. If we weren’t then I would have.

Having reflected overnight I think we should all pray that your wife be delivered from self importance and sexism and given the freedom to kick off her shoes, feel the wind through her hair and go out with the girls for lashings of wine.

🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏

Should I tell the pastor I need to step down from everything because my wife doesn't want to be alone for a minute? Yeah, I'm being a little dramatic here but I just don't understand why I had to even acknowledge her when no more than 15 minutes earlier I was sitting next to her

If your a genuine poster you sound horrible. I could imagine you saying that to your wife with a little sneer on your face then. How very unpleasant you've made yourself look

And you don’t think it’s weird that the wife of the priest is called the same thing as the wife of the president???

You do get that a quick nod of acknowledgement can easily be done beside even the most extensive and important of duties right?

I didn’t say it wasn’t weird. I don’t go to that type of church, so I’m not bothered, but you could also say it’s weird calling the President’s Wife that.

I knew of an evangelical church in Scotland that had security because of the huge amount of cash that the deluded congregation offered every Sunday! Mind blowing that people could be so gullible!

Wow big yourself up why don't you😂 .What has all that blurb got to do with the fact that you ignored your wife while you were chatting to another woman? I wonder why you didn't automatically just give a little down low wave or a smile or a nod to your wife as you passed? Ignorance is bliss apparently.

you have provided a lot of irrelevant detail to tell us you believe you are a better person than your wife.

of course you should have smiled at your wife! But you are on so many committees and have ear piece so how can you be expected to acknowledge someone who does so little in the church😂.

I think you have become a little self important?

How could he when he had a very important role to perform. He needed to stay focused at all times, can’t let his guard down for a second.

In real life I’ve met people like the OP. Overwhelmingly 60-80 year old men who have a role at church/the Rotary club/Masonic lodge and believe they are the center of the universe because of it. It’s tedious and embarrassing and I feel very sorry for the wives of these men.

I work in the same place as my husband. Have done for decades. I can't imagine passing him in a corridor or office and not sharing a brief smile or hand wave. Not a conversation, but a definite 'Hi - I'm pleased to see you' little look.

If your wife is asking for a small acknowledgement, would it be so hard to give it?

There's a lot of explanation of where you were and what you were doing which wasn't relevant to your question. Do you feel it is relevant? ie at church you have a 'position' and shouldn't have to acknowledge your wife if you're busy?