What does it mean to be asked to make the decision

[PbSandwiches]

What does it mean if a partner who’s been found out (he cheated years ago) keeps asking you to make a decision if you want to stay or go in the marriage

It likely means that whatever happens next will be blamed on you.
If you split it’s your fault for making the decision.
If you stay it’s your fault for staying if and when it all goes wrong.

Do what is right for you.

It means he doesn't want to take any responsibility for his actions or their consequences.

Exactly this.

It’s the first reply coupled with he wants to know what to tell OW about the future of their relationship. You are to blame if you kick him out or force him to end things with her.

Yep. So you might as well do what works best (or will work best in the future) for you. 🌹

Wow

You found out years ago?

Or you just found out and it was years ago but over now? How recent did you find out?

Those things will change what I would interpret it as

Found out now - but it was a ONS during our dating stage years ago

What @Deafening said 100%

He’s setting you up to put the blame on you whichever way it goes in the future. If you leave then you’d broken up your relationship/family over his little mistake years ago. If you stay then you know what he’s like so you can’t blame him when he does it again

Yeah I’ve been wondering like why would he respond like this - it’s lose lose situation Unbelievable

That he’s sick of hearing you bring it up, and that you need to get over it if you want to stay together or you need to leave.

Take as long as you need to think about it, he can sweat for however long it takes.
Meanwhile weigh it up against how good a partner he has been. If he's been lacking anyway, this could easily tip it. If all was roses and you have trust enough to believe nothing since then has happened, it's a harder decision.

I would guess he wants to know wether you are going to leave him or not.

and if you are he won’t bother putting in the effort to get you to forgive him.

If you just found out today, it’s really unfair of him to be pressuring you for an answer.

But also, if it’s been a long relationship, do you even know what you want?

This. Run!

Yeah I feel like it’s this too ontop of what the rest have said
heads a mess
asks me if I’ve made a decision yet it’s only been 2 days

dated 10 years married for 4 so quite long I’d say

we’ve been having a few rough patches lately irrelevant to the above but we sorted it all out and we’re actually much stronger after and now this

He needs to - even if it was years ago he just likes to bury his head in the sand with any issue

Ahhh just really difficult -
but now I can see why it’s all left all on me

thankyou all

Where you officially boyfriend / girlfriend during this time?

I’m so sorry. My reply was quite blunt. Please take your time and ignore any pushing to make a quick decision.

Also remember that if you do decide to stay there is absolutely nothing to say you can’t change your mind next week, next year or at any time you bloody well want.

Actually if it was years ago and you were at the dating stage before serious commitment, I d let it go.

Yes we were official we were about early 20s
he got drunk ONS doesn’ t remember most of it (apparently) I know they minimise these things
didnt tell me at the time as he knew it would cause a split

feeling betrayed hurt and disgusted at the moment

Yes it was
I think I just feel like I didn’t know him now

Why has he told you now?