What does it mean to be asked to make the decision

[PbSandwiches]

What does it mean if a partner who’s been found out (he cheated years ago) keeps asking you to make a decision if you want to stay or go in the marriage

Well it got found out from an old friend - and when I asked he admitted

I think he’s cowardly in that sense

His old friend or yours, told you ?

Why did an old friend decide to tell you now?

his old friend

He should be begging for your forgiveness and doing everything in his power to keep you. Not just saying 'oh you decide, whatever'. This is your marriage not a Chinese takeaway

Right??
im just so confused at his behaviour
he’s not done any of that

Why would he do that, has he fallen out with your husband ?

Not sure what to even do - I don’t want him thinking either that he never has to even apologise

I took time out yesterday didn’t come home after work all evening Cz I said I needed to think
then he asked me when I got home I said I dunno

this person is yet again being selfish and trying to get into more comfortable position

even when you do make a decision, keep them hanging

Definitely selfish
and he doesn’t think he needs to work hard for it or anything that’s what I think is majorly annoying me

I could potentially forgive a ons from when we were dating. But his reaction is awful he should be at your knees begging. Not nonchalantly saying "you decide" like it's what takeaway shall we have tonight.!!
I'm furious for you!!

I agree with PP's, he's just shirking responsibility and putting it all on you.

Ask him why he thinks the responsibility is on you to make such a huge life decision. Why doesn't he think he should also take responsibility for this choice? What does he think? What does he want? What does he think he should do, to move forward?

I feel the exact same
like deep down I don’t want to leave over this
but his behaviour??? Not showing me anything

Agreed Thankyou

I definitely don’t want to make this easy for him either

If I found this out about my DH I think I'd want him to say something like 'I've never er wanted to tell you because I'd be devastated if we broke up. Which I really don't want. I am ashamed, let me know if there is anything I can do that makes us stronger not weaker as a result of this. I want to be with you.'

If he said 'you decide ' I would assume he was indifferent and not very committed to our relationship. I'd be extremely let down by that response tbh. Much more than the actual infidelity (which in itself, wouldnt be a deal breaker to me).

Asked few have asked...why has the friend decided to tell you this now?

What he said was

sorry

and that he never told me as we would split up and that he didn’t want to lose me

he’s very closed book never shows emotions in general not an excuse I know

yeahhh makes me think if he’s even scared to lose me tbh

He is pressurising you to either forgive him and get over it or move on (which he doesn’t think you will do)

I think it means this

His behaviour is hurting more than the actual ONS right now

Nope he doenst think I will

I think you're being set up. Why on earth would this friend tell you about this now, so many years later? Something is fishy.

sorry I mistyped! I overheard the conversation where an old old friend got back in contact due to needing a reference for something - and he had it on loud speaker and his friend was mentioning uni days where they went out clubbing and that my husband got drunk one night - husband isn’t really a drinker or party guy

it’s a long story how it came out but it did