AIBU to hope my partner would offer to help with my son?

[Mamabear931]

Hi!

So I need some advice, I’m neurodivergent and don’t have many friends to talk to who can tell me if I’m being unreasonable here and if I need to manage my expectations better.

So I split from my sons dad before he was one year old, and I’ve been with my current partner for a year and a half and he currently lives with me and my son as of around 5 months ago.

Recently I have been feeling exceptionally burnt out with life, holding down my job, being a single parent, I take my partner to work every day and pick him up as well as do all the nursery drop offs, etc. I am financially responsible for most of the household bills and pay for all food/petrol due to issues with money my partner has.

I have to rely on my mum and dad to watch my son overnight at their house so that so that I can work on a weekend. My mum and dad love having him but they are older and it can be taxing on them and I wish my son didn’t have to stay out every week.

Since my partner has moved in my parents have sort of hinted at why my partner never offers to watch my son on an evening occasionally so that he can just stay home in his own bed. I work evenings until 11pm so my son would be in bed for most of the time I work, and I’d not expect him to do it every week.

My partner and my son get on really well in terms of their playing together but he absolutely wants nothing to do with helping out with him.

He never offers and I don’t ask because I know he would huff about it, any time he’s asked to watch his niece he won’t do it and complains it’s not his job. I know I can’t expect him to watch my son as I know he isn’t his child, but he lives here now so I thought he may at least offer once in a while to help me out especially when I’ve been struggling so badly.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable for hoping he’d help? I’d never expect him to watch him if he wasn’t living here now and going to be in the house anyway.

I desperately needed to go to the shop last week, but my son was poorly, and he wouldn’t watch him for half an hour so I could quickly run to the shop and basically told me if my son doesn’t go with me I can’t go. He couldn’t go to the shop for me as he doesn’t drive and it’s too far to walk and he has no money.

There are other issues in the relationship relating to financial irresponsibility on his side, and it’s putting massive strain on me.

I can’t tell if this is just causing me to resent him because of all of the other problems we’ve been having but I’d really appreciate everyone’s honest input. I know I have been feeling extremely burnt out and stressed so if I am being completely unreasonable please do give me a good talking to. My sons dad never bothers so I think I’m also overly cautious of having another man in his life who just doesn’t want to give him the time of day 😔

Ok OP as a lone parent I'll say to you that you have enough responsibilities in your life without this useless man child in it too.

This relationship is teaching your child unhealthy dynamics and it's doing nothing for you.

Please finish it and have a good think about your own personal boundaries. Society does a real number on us lone parents, expects us to couple up...don't do it, focus on you, your child and your family and job.

You don't need to give him lengthy explanations just tell him the relationship is over, it's not working for you. Repeat.

You have taken on another child. He is just using you and you seriously need to get rid of him. Tell him it's not working and it's over. He needs to move out.

I live with my partner and disabled son. We’ve lived together 2 years. I jointly share with his dad his washing, change his bed, after school care, meals, taking him to appointments, etc etc. I love the bones of him.
am not his step parent because we are not (yet) married? It’s a technicality.

the point is this man moved in with you and your son and he’s an absolute cocklodger. He contributed nothing but stress to your life, he does nothing to help, he treats you with absolute disdain. And he treats your son like an inconvenience . Get rid of him asap.

Please don't be talked round by this utter waste of space. Relationships should be positive and a source of strength. He sounds like an absolute drain. You are worth more than a relationship like that, and so is your child. You would be better off without him. Good luck OP 🤞

Time for him to go. Bye bye.

If I was visiting and you needed to pop to the shop, I'd watch your son.

If I was staying over for a short time and you needed to work I'd offer to put him to bed on the odd night knowing you'd be home by midnight.

And I'm neither proclaiming to love you nor shagging you.

He doesn't see you as a family. Don't settle for any man who doesn't see you as a family.

Imagine you get pregnant.

You're at work overnight, he'll have the baby but eldest is sent away. You pop to the shops and eldest is dragged with you in the pouring rain but little one is allowed to stay home.

Dump him.

So he gets a free ride in life and you get what exactly? D U M P and quickly.

My advice is that he moves back out

Get rid of the bloke,. prioritise yourself and your son. You have two children right now, wake up!

What does it matter if he paints you as being the one in the wrong, let him. 🤷‍♀️
But do get him out of your home, he's a complete waste and yourself and your son deserve so much more.
Just ask yourself this one question- do you want to live the rest of your life under these conditions?

He doesn’t drive.
He has no money.
He has ‘issues’ with money.
He lives with you but contributes fuck all.
He won’t have anything to do with your son.

Please, raise your bar. Tell this wastrel to piss off.

Change the locks and put his stuff out, job done.