Guy on OLD asked to message him an interesting fact

[Puffpuffpuff]

To see if women read his profile to the end, the last sentence of his blurb asked to tell him an interesting fact.

Maybe filtering out bots?

Would you find this fun or twattish and which fact would you share with him if any?

It irked me because he sounded too experienced and strategic at OLD and I wanted someone new on the scene like me and unjaded not someone creating more hoops and barriers at the offset. It's him and guys who should make more effort
He puts the onus on women to impress him, while he sits back. I like traditional roles of men pursuing and trying to impress the lady, not submit an audition for his approval..
I ended up blocking him (I got notified he looked at my profile so I looked at his and then blocked without either of us talking)

Reason 999 why OLD is not for me! 🙄

i just rolled my eyes so hard that they nearly fell out of my head.

I like traditional roles of men pursuing and trying to impress the lady

I would definitely go for a man interested in learning some interesting facts. Much better than the "just ask me" type. Why do you think men would want low-effort women more than women do?

@LenaLamont

Iguanadon - because of the thumb spike 😁

oooh, I'm torn.

I like the idea that a profile is to weed out as well as screen in, so if you are a person who'd like this as a conversation starter in general, it's a really good way to get started, and I understand why you'd put something in to check people had read your profile.

However for me it's a rather clunky way to do it so I wouldn't respond well- it feels a bit like those Nick Hornby novels, showing blokes swapping facts instead of having a personality or a connection to someone.

My profiles are full of the turns of phrase I like and with enough there for people to pick up on and come back with something clever or funny or whimsical...because I find that easy and fun and I couldn't imagine really fancying a man who didn't also find that easy and fun. So it's just an automatic screen-inner. And plenty of blokes find it confusing or dull or message me asking "what does x mean?" which again shows me we're not well suited.

For me there's no definition of the whole "maybe give them a chance, they're not great at talking online" thing - because for me someone who isn't great at saying a few words in a witty way online (and wouldn't positively enjoy doing so) is unlikely to be for me!

😅

I did online dating for a bit. I think you can broadly tell by the general tone of someone's profile what sort of person they are - arrogant, self deprecating, light hearted, wanker etc

I think what some posters on here are failing to understand that some people try to make their profile appeal to the masses and others add deliberate filters.

When I did it, my main profile pic was of me wearing a particular hat. I knew that the men who were put off by the hat (and some were because they messaged just to tell me! 😅) would definitely not he the sort of man I was interested in.

Sounds to me like that man just wanted to filter out women he thought he wouldn't gel with.

It worked for me because, whilst I didn't meet anyone I wanted to be with long term, I had a few great dates, a few short flings, and no horror stories. And the men I met were generally the sort of man I would be interested in.

Agree he should have posted his own fact, or even said 'If you send me an interesting fact, I'll send one back to you'. The trying to catch people out side of it is jarring; and why did he need to say he was doing this? It's not a crime not to read someone's profile to the end.

I love the hat thing @GreyCarpet . Chapeau to you!

Was he trying to 'catch people out' though?

Or was he just trying to appeal to the sort of woman he'd find interesting? And filter out the (seemingly many) women he wouldn't.

It might not he a crime to not read someone else's profile to the end but maybe he would prefer to meet the sort of woman who had?

I think him offering a fact first is unnecessary and clunky. And I guess I'd assume someone who was interested in hearing an interesting fact would also have their own to share because that's the sort of person they are. I suppose stating one first could also be seen as arrogant because he'd be dictating the sort of thing he found interesting!

I think it was just a way of finding out a basic level of compatibility beyond 'ooh pretty face' and that's fine.

My interesting fact would be that in when the Romans were building straight roads in Britain, there was no obvious place to bump into people and chat. So, every so often, they would facilitate this by having three (tri) roads (via) intersect and, at these places, people would meet, catch up and just chat nonsense - hence 'trivia'.

I think it's a great idea, it's a call to action, getting the reader to take action. Common marketing tactic, I have one in every post I make on social media for my business.

I would take it as a sign he was taking dating seriously and weeding out the people with no attention to detail or reading comprehension.

Spinosaurus all the way!

I like interesting facts and I’d like a date who talked about interesting obscure stuff (up to a point - not if it was all he said) - but I agree there’s something arrogant and icky about “send me an interesting fact” as if he’s sitting in judgement on all the women competing to be interesting enough for him. There’s a type of man who tells you you’re funny or impressive or clever, in a weirdly superior way as if everyone knows you’d be desperate for his approval - those men don’t see women as equals.

lay back and cherry pick energy

That's legendary! Brilliant turn of phrase, OP.

For me, it would depend on the rest of the profile.

If the tone of it was generally negative and women hating or done with a hint of 'all women are dull and only interested in make up and celebrity gossip - prove me wrong', then I wouldn't respond.

But if it were an interesting, light hearted and humorous profile, I would see it as an extention of that.

That’s true Grey I can imagine a profile where asking for interesting facts wouldn’t necessarily come across that way. But I’d be a bit suspicious of this one with his “checking you read to the end” thing.

I also love OP’s “lay back and cherry pick energy” - but I don’t actually think that’s the worst of it. It’s more the telling me what to do to impress him that would rile me. I’d feel like he doesn’t deserve my great facts 😁

(I mean OP’s way with words, not that that’s her energy!)

This. I mean, the fact he's filled out his profile enough to ask such a question marks him above about 95% of other men on OLD.

He'd have to come back with some good facts himself, though. And the rest of the profile be good.

I've been married nearly 30 years do hagd never done OLD. But if I were to do it, I'd be looking for someone who loves going to Quiz nights, watching QI and Only Connect etc. So I wouldn't be put off by this.

But if it does put you off then it's worked. He has screened out women who aren't interested and that's fine

The reality for a lot of men is that unless they are in the top 10% in terms of looks and/or status (and even then...) OLD is a numbers game.

A lot of men will be approaching 10's or maybe even 100's of women on these platforms, so the number of generic/low effort copy & pasted messages shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

My DB is using dating apps. Some of the women are exactly like some of the men - don't engage, boring and love themselves. Maybe he's just sick of that?!

That's exactly what why. Women know they can pick and choose, especially if they are young and attractive. My lovely DB got utterly sick of having to jump through hoops to prove himself rather then them just engaging in conversation.

I’m on his side.
Why should he not try and filter out the bots? How hard is it to think of something you find interesting? Why do you see yourself as a prize that must be won rather than an equal adult?

Slightly off track here but does anyone remember a few years ago the poster who was online dating and found a profile of a man who had literally written shopping list of you will do this, you will do that. It was hilarious! Can't find that thread now..

I don't really have a problem with that request - it allows you to show a bit of personality, or display your interest in something as a conversation starter. My go-to unusual fact is that the collective noun for goldfinches is a "charm" - so you can probably tell that I'm interested in birds or nature, for example.

The problem is on dating apps is that a lot of people really don't know how to keep a conversation going. I don't know if this a recent phenomenon as a result of social media or whatever, but there are far too many people (both men and women are guilty of this) who either only talk about themselves and never ask questions, or just always send incredibly dry, dull messages.

I sometimes wonder when you see people who complain about being "ghosted" on dating apps whether the cause is due to the boring nature of their messages. Certainly I've ghosted people for this before - when you only ever get short responses and they're not contributing anything to the conversation, you either come to the conclusion they're not interested in chatting, or you get exhausted from the effort it's taking to keep it going.

"I sometimes wonder when you see people who complain about being "ghosted" on dating apps whether the cause is due to the boring nature of their messages. Certainly I've ghosted people for this before - when you only ever get short responses and they're not contributing anything to the conversation, you either come to the conclusion they're not interested in chatting, or you get exhausted from the effort it's taking to keep it going."

Yes, almost certainly I would suspect most are ghosted for either being too boring, or just not that attractive enough for the other person to feel like bothering putting the effort in.

It's easy for high value women and men to bin people off in OLD. They will have the options - and be communicating with multiple people concurrently.