Ghosted by a close friend

[Lowin2024]

2 years ago my oldest friend suddenly dropped me out of nowhere and although I have moved on, I never stop wondering why.

We had been best friends since primary school and stayed close all the way through school, university, first jobs etc. I was there for her when she went through a difficult pregnancy and PND, bringing her food and checking in regularly. Our kids went to different schools but we met for playdates and my husband and I went out for dinner with her and her husband fairly regularly. Last time I saw her was 2 years ago, we met at her house and had a coffee whilst the kids played. It was a totally normal meeting, we finished with a hug and a see you soon. She never spoke to me again.

I next messaged a month or so later saying let’s get together soon and she never replied. Then it was her birthday so I sent a happy birthday message which was ignored. I left it a while before sending one more message saying I missed her and let’s catch up and she didn’t respond. For a few months she would “like” my photos on social media but then that stopped too. I’m a people pleaser but even I knew to stop there, I didn’t want to embarrass myself by pushing it any further so I stopped messaging too.

We are quite different people; she’s very outgoing, confident and works in a very high paid job and has quite a flash lifestyle whereas I am quieter and work in a caring profession and don’t live quite as luxuriously. My husband thinks I simply don’t suit her lifestyle anymore and she’s too busy to make time for me. Maybe he’s right. I just wish I knew why as I know for sure I haven’t done anything that might have upset her!

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation before? I wonder if I will ever stop wondering why. She meant a lot to me.

I ghosted somebody and still feel a bit shit about it, but it doesn’t make me want to contact her.
We had been acquaintances, then FB friends. She was carer to an ailing parent and I’d looked after both of mine until they died. It was pretty horrific watching my mum die. I still had nightmares about it.
She would call me constantly about her parent, and I had to stop her going into the gory details. I’d actually had trauma treatment around this time - rather not say why, but it was still distressing me.
I did explain this and said I was happy to support her, and know the broad outline of how her parent was, but she couldn’t help crossing the boundary. After many, many times of asking her not to do it, she did it for the final time. I told her I had to go and that I could no longer speak to her.
I blocked her on everything. I felt terrible in that she was a carer, and it’s an awful job, but she kept telling me she could only talk to me. It was too much for me.
I have much closer, long-term friends and we respect boundaries well. It would never get to a ghosting stage. We all have respect for each other and over the years we’ve been rich and skint - at different times!
It seems to me OP that this friend (?) has ditched you as you don’t fit into her lifestyle. Which is pathetic when you think about it.
I think all of us know when we’ve messed up. If you know you haven’t, then she’s made a flimsy decision because she wants to hang around with people she deems more whatever it is she sees herself as.
You did nothing to deserve it.

I'm shocked so many of you have had this happen. I'm currently going through a 'phase out' period with a friend. I think this is probably on both sides. I would never just ghost her though. She is someone I've been close with for about 15 years. Over those 15 years she has lost touch with lots of people so she has form for this. If someone no longer meets her needs, she stops making the effort. She has had countless dramas over the years, mainly with men or work so tends to run around looking for all the friends she can get. When there is no drama, she doesn't bother.

We used to text daily and would see each other every week (sometimes multiple times). Currently, the last time I saw her was 8 weeks ago. We still text but that has reduced to weekly now. When we have met up its been my suggestion so I've decided not to suggest anything going forward to see how long it takes her to make plans (if ever). We are at 8 weeks now.

She never had kids but got a dog last year and this has become her replacement child. Its all she talks about even when I do see her (I have one too and love dogs but this is OTT). She doesn't even know I got a promotion at work because she never asks about me anymore.

I'm rambling now as this is quite therapeutic typing out..😂.

Anyway, I believe the relationship is slowly fading because she no longer has any drama in her life and has a new focus (the dog) so does not really need me any more. I've accepted this now and am backing away. Its a real shame but in reality she's not a good friend anyway.

That is sad. But if you've been friends since early childhood I'd say it's unlikely you'd necessarily have anything in common now. I am not close friends with anyone still from that far back. Not intentional, just lost contact.
Though in your case, why not just keep you in the loop, if you haven't fallen out.

I have been seemingly dropped by my bestie as well, two years it's been too..so I know how you must feel. My mate moved away and I always wanted to visit, but she never invited me. Saw her a few times since the move for a few hours. But now it's a wall of silence to all my messages.

I think I'll have to give up. But I'd leap with joy if she did decide she still wanted to be friends. We always had lots in common, friends for nearly 30 years.

I hope you have plenty of other lovely friends and family to see and do nice things with. X

Didnt realise this thread had been revived. No! Never heard from her. Still think of it from time to time but I have moved on.

Totally agree. Despicable