How to deal with dismissive and rude teacher (private school)

[Thefirstime]

Struggling with how dismissive and almost rude my child’s teacher is.. he’s only been there one term.. he seemed happy (ish) last term but very unhappy first day back.. I emailed to see her as I’m not too happy..

at the end of the day, she brings the children out and has brief chat with parents- totally walks off or sends my child out alone.. She. Says bye to my son but doesn’t engage or interact with me in the slightest.. terrible communication between us and I honestly don’t know what has happened..

im due to meet her and diplomatically probe this.. we have 15mins..

how can I best go about this??

any advice??

I don’t want to be all guns blazing but I’m unhappy and we’re paying a small fortune..

Not inflated but I’ve noticed a difference.. people often know what they’re doing so it’s hard not to take it personally when it’s quite bloody obvious!! I can’t draw it out but pretty sure I made the dismissive nature clear.. walking off, no interaction whatsoever is strange when im
handing my child over all day 5 days per week..

teachers are human but it would be nice if she was more subtle in her ways. I know I can’t change this!!! But I can attempt to connect on a one off chance..

I’m not saying for a second she doesn’t like my son but I do know she has her favourites and he isn’t on that list

How do you know she 'has her favourites'? And if you don't think she doesn't like your son, why would she be shunning you?

I don’t know!!!

Nobody can deny the reality of your experience of the teacher blanking you. It does go on. There is a teacher at DN’s school who has form for this. It isn’t acceptable in any school, private or state, but the fact that it is private and that you are paying for what you might hope to be the very best makes it even more unacceptable. But put a private school on a pedestal at your peril: people are the same everywhere.

That being said, if your child is still unhappy you’re just going to have to go through the process of trying to arrange a meeting with the teacher to try to find out why and try to ignore this teacher’s rudeness.

Please can you reply to my post.

The only time I wasted a teachers time by having a chat at pick up was when had reason to approach them re an issue or whatever. I would never ever have assumed a teacher was being off with me for not chatting, I would just assume it was due to them not having any reason to chat to me.

I think you sound incredibly entitled.

Just go up to the teacher and mention that you've noticed your son seems a little unhappy and ask if they've noticed anything. Whenever I've done this the teacher has actually agreed and given me some ideas or they've honestly said they had not noticed but they would keep an eye out and let me know... And they always did. It is a very unusual teacher who doesn't want the pupils in their care to be happy.

But then....I didn't pay a fortune for my kids education.

Is this your first child? Has he only just started school? Im guessing the answer to both of these questions is yes. Youll look back on this in years to come and realise how crazy it sounds. Its SCHOOL not a childminder. You hand them over and pick them up, usually as quick as possible. Teachers do not have time or want to stand chatting to every parent. If they needed to talk to you she would. You are being ridiculous. Shes not your mate shes your sons teacher. Are you going to expect this every year with every teacher? Good luck with that

Nobody can deny the reality of your experience of the teacher blanking you.

Yes, they can. Perspective can make something someone's 'truth' without making it the actual truth. Given what's been said on here, it's perfectly reasonable to question the validity of the OP's perspective and whether there are elements of this which possibly only exist in the OP's mind.

As soon as private school is mentioned ppl say things like ‘entitled’ if only you knew.. far from
it.. but yes I expect better access so to speak as that’s exactly what pay for!!!

why fixate on that though?? When ultimately we are talking about human relationships and the importance of those in our child's care..

the smaller class numbers means that the issues I have mentioned are highlighted..

How often a week are you emailing or expecting to chat to them?

I think you are being overly anxious and sensitive. As it is your first child and first experience with schools - it's understandable.
I have two in the private system - by now in secondary. So - have seen a number of teachers over the years.
Being a teacher is draining. Some teachers in Primary - do seem to have a nice and open manner and chat to parents. Others do not.

What is important is how you child feels about school - focus on that. The teacher is not there to be making friends with you - her role is to teach children in the classroom.
If there is anything she needs to tell you - she will. If you have any concerns - don't try to catch her at the door - ask for a meeting. OR send a note with your child.

The teacher is not giving you a cold shoulder - it is unlikely to be personal.

Most likely she is just trying to get through the pick-up time and get to her work that happens after kids go home. Unless you have been trying to chit-chat or bombarding school with anxious messages - and she is just trying to not encourage more of that.

Well my younger two went to a private primary so no chops on my shoulders & I can’t recall discussions with teachers at pick up.

OP do you suffer from social anxiety at all or have a tendency to overthink things? Honestly I would mention that he seems a bit unhappy if it continues (although I would put it down to return to school exhaustion tbh) but I think if you start criticising her communication style at pick up you won’t get very far.

How often are you emailing and about what?

The way you have written your post it has confused quite a few of us. So she didn't speak to you on the first day back? Why exactly is your son very unhappy on the first day. You say last term was okish, so the issue is one day? This is how it reads to a few of us, I think.

She is communicating with you by email and has set up a meeting to discuss your concerns in more detail, though. What "better access" do you want?

If you want the teacher to give you regular updates x times a week (or even once a week) then that simply isn't part of a teacher's job unless there is a particular concern. That's why people are saying you are entitled. The person who said "no news is good news" nailed it.
Have you actually tried approaching her if you want a quick reassurance? It sounds from your posts as if you expect her to proactively talk to you.

I’m a teacher and I love it but some parents expect so much.
Im a chatty person and will smile and say hello to everyone but some of my colleagues struggle with this, it comes more easily to me. We’re only human!

Parents can assume all
kinds of things so maybe try talking to her instead of assuming she doesn’t like you.

I’ve had three DCs pass through the entire school system and I’ve never exchanged more than a smile and a polite nod with their teachers at pick up unless there was a problem. This post is the most millennial thing I’ve ever read.

Honestly I can't recall ever having a conversation or even catching the eye of any of DCs teachers throughout the whole of their schooling. Unless I had a specific reason to talk to them.

If you've approached here and she's ignored you, that definitely needs dealing with.

Otherwise, this is surely a non-issue? So what if she talks to certain other parents? Maybe they have known each other longer and are friendly, maybe their children have issues so she comes into contact with them more often? I always took it as a good thing if a teacher didn't want to talk to me! It meant DCs were doing OK.

I'd still call you entitled if your child was in a state school. If you have an issue, approach her.

My child went to private school and at no time did I ever think that part of paying for this was so I had better access to speak to their teacher.

Not sure that her behaviour is wrong but if your kid is sad that needs addressing.
When in Primary school, the first day with a new teacher my DC came home in tears. My DH and I went to see her next morning and just asked if she knew why our child was so upset, she blustered about and we nodded and smiled. She was never mean to my DC again. They won't do it if they know the parents are going to turn up every time.

You’ve worded it well yourself here
“Can we speak to each other really frankly? I notice you interact really positively with other parents at the end of the day but that seems missing between us - it’s making me feel a bit awkward and upset to be honest!” Silence/tail off and let her respond?

Although I do agree it’s all a bit needy and probably doesn’t really need addressing. Just pick your kid up, smile if she makes eye contact and if not then don’t. Some people are just a bit rude. I had a proper falling out with a TA in lockdown school who then was my eldests TA the following year and there was a war of attrition but eventually we both softened.

Thanks so much for reminding me why I left teaching, OP. 😘

Flamingo- if a parent said that to me I really wouldn’t know how to respond! That’s the sort of convo you have with a close friend or relative! I’d think the parent had some serious issues and was very odd. I think I’d be bemused and have to ask them what they meant and for examples. OP - don’t do anything other than go to the meeting and talk about your dc! And as for emailing being clever - it isn’t as it leaves a paper trail! It takes composing emails to ‘those’ parents, being very careful not to say anything that can be misunderstood or deliberately misinterpreted.