How to deal with dismissive and rude teacher (private school)

[Thefirstime]

Struggling with how dismissive and almost rude my child’s teacher is.. he’s only been there one term.. he seemed happy (ish) last term but very unhappy first day back.. I emailed to see her as I’m not too happy..

at the end of the day, she brings the children out and has brief chat with parents- totally walks off or sends my child out alone.. She. Says bye to my son but doesn’t engage or interact with me in the slightest.. terrible communication between us and I honestly don’t know what has happened..

im due to meet her and diplomatically probe this.. we have 15mins..

how can I best go about this??

any advice??

I don’t want to be all guns blazing but I’m unhappy and we’re paying a small fortune..

’m not needy but do require some assurance on the odd day as we’ve had a few upsets, so I’d like to check in and actually talk on occasion or when necessary

But this isn't something that is routinely offered at school (which is not nursery) unless you have a particular issue to follow up on or the teacher wants to raise something.

And in your case you are communicating with the teacher via email and have a meeting organised to talk in more depth - she probably sees no need to talk to you further.

@Thefirstime and although there is no obvious issue here, there is tension..

In your head.

Why does it matter if its a private school or not? This post is ridiculous! Do you expect her to wave and have a chat with every pupil she lets out!! Just get your child and go like all other parents do! Is this your first child by any chance? She may need to talk to other parents about urgent issues. She will deal with your problem via email like she has been doing! Youve asked for a meeting so she will probably do this rather than stand in the yard discussing issues. Although i think if you demand a meeting every time DS is abit upset youre in for a long ride

This is nuts!!! Get your child and go home

My children’s teachers don’t speak at drop off or when they send my children out? They won’t have the time or capacity to have a 5 minute conversations with every child’s parent. I think you’re over analysing.

As a former teacher, we generally prioritise talking to parents when there is a problem or if there is an issue at home that the parents have made us aware of. Please give the teacher a break. Mention that you think your son is unhappy of course but don’t put all the blame on her for this. You don’t know the full story and how your son copes while in class- he may be quite content and just reluctant to return to school after the holiday s- totally normal for many children.

I’m confused. What exactly is the issue? Like, what exactly are you going to say to this teacher at the meeting? Is your child unhappy? How old is your child?

It doesn't sound to me as though she has done anything wrong. Often, when a teacher chats to parents at the end of a day, it's either because he/she knows the parents personally or else because there has been an issue with the child that day. If your child has been unhappy recently, though, that's a different matter. no teacher actually wants the pupils sun their class to be unhappy - children don't learn well when they are unhappy. I have direct experience of a parent telling me that a child had been unhappy ever since joining my class (I hadn't realised), and my reaction wasOMG how can I make this better? I went out of my way to be extra friendly to and supportive to that child and in a matter of weeks all stress was gone, parent and child both happy. The parent had come to confide in me and ask for my help. So I helped. That's the way to approach it - no blame, just ask for help from a professional. That way, you're more likely to get it. BTW a "clever" approach is to NOT communicate by email - email leaves a trail! Teacher is clearly not trying to be "clever" - that's your interpretation!

You sound very needy, OP.

Just because it's a private school doesn't mean the teachers have to dance to your tune every day (Edit: which I am guessing you think she should - or at least give you more attention - because you are paying fees?)

Just leave the woman alone.

OP if your son is genuinely unhappy at school then by all means have a meeting and ask if the teacher has noticed anything in the classroom. Although I’m confused as you seemed to suggest this is only day one he hasn’t been happy?

But the rest of the post is your upset that she isn’t making as much eye contact or talking to you as much as she is other parents? Maybe she doesn’t like you. Maybe she finds you very intense.
So long as she is teaching and nurturing your child this is not an issue you should be concerning about.

Focus on your child and only your child. Your happiness or self esteem or feeling of importance is not her concern.

Honestly it is a total mystery why people aren’t falling over themselves to be teachers these days.

drop off and pick ups are a quick hello and bye for me with the teachers at school. Yes, some parents seemed to have a few extra seconds with the teacher but who cares.
When i need to speak properly, I email the teacher and ask for 30 minutes for proper chat, 100% of the time its a yes and usually its within a day or two after sending the email. take it easy and don't let it impact you.

I honestly can't identify in your post anything that the teacher has done wrong.

I'm not needy but do require some assurance on the odd day

Sorry, but teachers (even in private schools) do not do their jobs based on what individual parents decide they require.

I get what you are saying OP.

My DD teacher was the same last year. The teacher before her was fantastic..always a smile but I didn't want or need to speak to her other than a quick morning or bye. The other teacher on the other hand avoided all eye contact, was cold and my DD would often tell me how she wasn't like her first teacher. As a consequence, I saw my child change over the year..she was less confident, quiet and unhappy.

Her school reports stated she was shy when she was said to be growing in confidence in her first year but seemed to regress. Her grades were average and her effort was said to be 'ok'.

She was overlooked for roles too.

I moved schools.

She is now thriving, had all As and Bs in her first school report and is back to her happy self. Not one single regret.

Say how you feel OP. Its your child and you must advocate for him/her.

Maybe she's thinking 'take your brats and sod off, I'm off the clock and don't want to have to spend my own time talking to you gasbags about wine and cheeseboard and and little Emily's abcs'.

Seriously op I'd just leave it.

he seemed happy (ish) last term but very unhappy first day back.. I emailed to see her as I’m not too happy..

When did term start, surely just a few days ago? That seems a bit of an overreaction, couldn't he just be a bit grumpy about the holiday being over (totally normal)? Is it worth a scheduled meeting?

Unless his unhappiness is really extreme eg self harm - I think you've overreacted a lot.

Sometimes the wait-and-see approach is the best.

If there's tension, perhaps you've created it with your style of communication (dissatisfied, accusatory)

Teachers don't have time for this, private school or not.
If there was a problem she would speak to you, but not just for general everyday talk.
She probably has another hundred things on her mind and needs to deal with most pressing issues first.
Maybe you've already taken up too much of her time so she is not encouraging any unnecessary conversations.
I always tried to recognise the stress teachers are under, and that they had a while classroom of children to deal with, not just mine.

While classroom, not whike.

3rd time lucky, whole classroom.

To clarify, how many times in a week would you email? How many times a week are you expecting to chat?

Have you approached her at the end of the day?

I think you have a very inflated sense of how much your son’s teacher thinks about you.If you want to be taken seriously when your son has a genuine issue, I suggest you don’t bring her lack of playground interaction up.

Teachers only approach parents at the end of the day with an issue they need to dicuss. Any chats between parents and teachers are because the parent has approached the teacher.

Not true - teachers avoid parents because there are issues they wish to avoid discussing… I worked in a school and know this happens often!

Also some teachers just dislike certain children and want less to do with the parents, the relationship naturally suffers - this is human nature.. I’m not saying for a second she doesn’t like my son but I do know she has her favourites and he isn’t on that list..