Buying a house, living with DP-finances?

[thebartenderatethethief]

Sorry, I know this topic has been done to death but I can't find a thread for my own circumstances.

I want to buy a house, and DP wants to move in.

I've heard that if a DP was to contribute to any house repairs/maintenance etc, that means they can claim part of the house for themselves if you ever split up, is that right?

DP currently lives with Mum and Dad and doesn't have savings, so wouldn't be a good idea to share the mortgage. I'd not feel right charging half the mortgage either-that's for me to pay as it'd just be in my name.

I thought, half of all bills and a small contribution to other costs? Would that be fair?
I earn slightly more than DP but only slightly and my outgoings are currently far higher obviously. DP also gets a lot of job perks, discounts, shares etc whereas I don't so we're not far off equal there (if that's relevant).

People do seem divided on whether I should be charging a 'rent' payment or not. On the one hand, why should anyone live for 'free', on the other, paying off someone's mortgage doesn't seem right really.

As I've said above, I will charge soemthing though as well as half of bills, definitely. And keep everything in my name.

But you're paying off a landlord's mortgage if you're renting. If his parents had a mortgage then that £250 might well go towards their mortgage. It's up to the person receiving the rent to decide what to do with it.

I don’t get the whole he’s paying off your mortgage thing!! It such a ridiculously simplistic way of looking at things.

By letting him move in with you, you are providing him with a benefit by giving him a roof, a place to eat, sleep and live.

To do this, you have entered into a financial arrangement with a lending organisation. That means you have taken on a risk, a BIG RISK, and will have to keep paying to ensure that you keep that safe living space. If the worst happens and you cannot pay anymore , YOU and only you will lose your credit score and not be able to get another mortgage or enter into many other financial agreeements!!!

If he lives with you, he should pay towards that benefit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you asking him to do that!

1. Get legal advice on how to proceed with this cohabitation…how to protect yourself etc.
2. Think very long and hard about his financial incontinence and the fact that many many posters are saying the same thing to you time and time again. You are both poles apart in something that will matter VERY much as the years go on.

There is a string of red flags around your posts explaining why he can’t save…, but we can’t stop you…
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Look.... protect yourself at all costs. Don't assume you know someone or can foresee their actions. Don't assume you know how they'll react in a worst case scenario. Maybe you do but maybe you fucking don't.

I bought a house with someone and I thought I knew better. I thought they'd never take it to x place but guess what? They did.

The other thing to bear in mind OP is that we see thread after thread on here from women whose partners were utterly lovely - until he moved into her home. Then they can't get the freeloading cocklodger out.........

If you do buy a home and move him in please do so after legal consultation and get a signed agreement to protect your finances and home in case it does go south.

You really really can't be too careful. No-one knows what the future holds.

I am absolutely astounded @thebartenderatethethief that you're in your forties!!!! You sound like you're in your mid twenties.

Your partner may well have said he's happy to contribute but considering he's atrocious with money, only pays his parents £250 rent and still can't balance the books at the end of the month, I think you're bonkers to be happy about this.

You're letting seeing him more cloud your judgement.

You need to get a spreadsheet of expenses and how much each of you will contribute. Show him it, and ask hiw exactly he's going to pay his way.

I suspect you'll go ahead, after a month or two he'll plead poverty and won't be able to pay his share. It'll get worse, and then you'll have a fully fledged cocklodger on your hands.

That you don't seem to be able to make the connection between his poor financial acumen, the fact he should have more to his name, and his readiness to move in with you is why you are naive.

You need to wake up a bit, OP, and take off your rose tinted spectacles.

As a couple of people have mentioned it I will clarify that my DP is female.

I've also double checked as I wasn't sure and it is £300 she pays not £250. If either of those make a difference!
Just reading the rest of the replies now.

Yes most responses are saying about the ways and means of contributing financially which is fair enough. And again that I am immature which is again, fair enough. Odd though as I've always been told (by real life people) that I am mature, it doesn't happen so much now (people don't tend to say that once you're past your early thirties perhaps) but when I was in my teens/twenties I was always told I 'had my head screwed on' and things such as, I've always supported myself and made decisions that were the right ones in the main.

I do kind of want to move somewhere else and have a fresh start, and I'd buy a house in order to do that anyway, so I think (I know it isn't very romantic but...)having some sort of lodgings agreement and document could work well.

OP, are you the poster who posted a thread a while ago about your partner who lives quite a long way away with an abusive dad? You wanted her to move to yours but were irritated by her belongings in your home.

It doesn't matter what gender they are, what matters is do not buy a house with someone when you are not married and certainly do not buy one with someone who cannot afford a deposit or to share the load evenly.

The law says that people are entitled to certain things once they've lived in the house for x amount of time regardless of whether they are on the deeds or not. There are protections for them. You can't just evict them. Get a lawyer and have an agreement written up, mumsnet isn't legal advice.

I will definitely get an agreement drawn up. Again not the most romantic of things but I am quite sensible with financial matters.

@MILTOBE I don't know which one you mean but I've not posted about this situation before. Not got much of DP's things at my house as we don't live near each other.

You sound younger only because of the rose tinted way you seemed to be viewing someone moving in who was terrible with finances. Otherwise - with your other properties etc - you do sound on the ball.

You just have to apply the same acumen to your relationship because your partner has nothing, spends a lot, has nothing to show but debts. It's a red flag when you're not more equal.

You still might end up with a fanny lodger instead of a cocklodger, but at least you're being sensible now.

I will definitely get an agreement drawn up. Again not the most romantic of things but I am quite sensible with financial matters

For me it's not so much about it being "unromantic" but that it shouldn't be necessary in the first place. If you've got to the point of wanting someone to sign on the dotted line over something that normal people would do anyway there really doesn't seem much hope

And what are you going to do if he breaks this "agreement"? Wave it in his face and wait for the excuses?

Sorry, I said "him" and just noticed that your partner's female

Not that it makes the least difference in any way ...

@LaTricoteuseVieux she is saying that she only focuses on spending because she's at home so she can. Nothing to motivate her to save-That if we moved in together she'd have to step up and she would do that. I've discussed figures and DP has said she'd have no problem paying any of it. I am not saying I am not a bit skeptical about any of that, or that perhaps she has the intentions but hasn't thought about it deeply enough, mind.

I mean, when I moved into my house (and the ones I've lived in before) I knew what it would cost at least roughly and knew I could afford it, but I thought about it beforehand. I never blindly rush into things. I am not sure DP is quite the same.

If I've remembered correctly, her parents are planning on leaving their house to their grandchild(ren) - not to your partner? I wonder why that wouldn't be motivation enough for her to start thinking of her financial planning, own property, pension etc. If she's not really being financially prudent whilst living with her parents and on a very low rent, why would that habit change when living with you? 🌹

Lots of red flags here. Being financially irresponsible in your mid forties is a big no from me.

She's very much one who 'does as she's told' and nothing else. And her parents don't seem to have really taught her anything regarding finances. She'd pay me what I asked for (it was her who suggested 50/50 on everything) but I do take the point that this could mean she might not have much money leftover if she was still spending on unnecessaries. @Newestname002 yes leaving everything to Grandchild who has an illness that means they struggle to work. Apparently DP and her siblings discussed this with their parents and it was all agreed, none of them wanted anything from their parents. I do find that strange, but not my family.