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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My bf has forgotten it’s my birthday today

119 replies

fairiesrus · 09/01/2024 20:10

We work together away from home one night a week. We have been together for four years. He hasn’t wished me a happy birthday yet and I’m devastated. I keep dropping hints like ‘My daughter can’t wait until I get home tomorrow as she has bought me a present’ (daughter from previous relationship), nothing! Also, ‘Remind me what you bought your mum for her birthday last week’ 😏 Does this mean he doesn’t really love me? Am I overreacting? Just feel so sad.

OP posts:
Bringonthesunforthewashing · 09/01/2024 22:28

Happy birthday @fairiesrus

Yes it’s been shit - really shit!

But that’s all on him. Well done for dumping him. He really didn’t deserve you, he’s a shit.

2024 and only beginning of January to find someone who treats you nicely xxxx

Salome61 · 09/01/2024 22:35

Happy birthday, may you live long. And as for him, he'll be a sad lonely old man one day.

FreezyFord · 09/01/2024 22:37

You’re not overreacting. I’d bin him.

Its a shite thing to do

hellsBells246 · 09/01/2024 22:37

fluffi · 09/01/2024 20:28

Have you dropped any hints in the last month / few weeks / few days that your birthday was coming up? Eg I be treating myself to a X for my birthday or wouldn’t it be lovely to go to / do x for my birthday?

If you’ve dropped no hints at all in advance it seems a bit harsh to expect him to remember unless he’s usually extremely organised around all dates and events.

I wouldn’t have dropped hints today, I would have been direct and asked “what’s the plan for my birthday today?” this morning!

What? It's harsh to expect someone who you've been with for four years to remember your birthday????

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/01/2024 22:43

I'm really sorry and on your 40th too
My first thought is he wanted an excuse to end it, considering the effort he made last year
You deserve better
Life begins at 40, as the saying goes

LightSpeeds · 09/01/2024 22:44

He doesn't rate birthdays!? Ask yourself if he rates you (or is this a symptom of general apathy about your relationship)?

Honeyroar · 09/01/2024 22:49

Happy birthday. Be careful driving back, it’s windy. I can’t believe he was so callous. Did he react when you dumped him?

Noseybookworm · 09/01/2024 22:50

Oh what an absolute tosser! You are well shot of him. Happy 40th to you and wishing you a fantastic year! Enjoy the celebrations with your family and friends 🥳🥳🥳

letstrythatagain · 09/01/2024 22:50

You deserve much much better. Drive safely and happy 40th! 🎉🎉🎉

MadeForThis · 09/01/2024 22:52

He knew but he was intentionally saying nothing? Was he trying to end the relationship?

You're better off without him, whatever his reason was.

IndignantIguana · 09/01/2024 22:58

I do my husband the favour of not letting him forget mine, that way he's never guilty and I'm never disappointed. Two weeks before I mention its my birthday in two weeks, then at one week he gets a daily countdown. It honestly saves so many issues... Now we just need someone to do this for our wedding anniversary, neither of us can remember that!

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2024 23:01

fairiesrus · 09/01/2024 20:58

We are supposed to be going away this weekend to celebrate in a large house with my parents and siblings and their families. He shouldn’t have forgotten.

Has he never 'rated' birthdays before?

How is he about his own?

If you were going away for a celebration, what was he doing towards it?

CatOnTheLap · 09/01/2024 23:01

He deserved to be dumped, and as PP have said, maybe that was his plan.

Out of interest, has he ever mentioned he “doesn’t rate birthdays” around the time of his own birthdays? Is he usually happy to accept gifts and general birthday fuss?

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2024 23:04

penjil · 09/01/2024 21:58

Haven't you discussed this birthday in the last couple of weeks, like what you're doing for it, going out, a meal etc.?

Haven't you read the OP's posts?

They were going away with her family to a big house to celebrate

He hadn't forgotten

Underpaidsnackbitch · 09/01/2024 23:05

What an absolute shit! I'm so sorry he's ruined your 40th OP. Glad you've dumped him, his behaviour is just nasty. Can you arrange a nice meal out with a friend(s) tomorrow to cheer you up?? I hope your family spoil you rotten at the weekend 🤗

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2024 23:05

fairiesrus · 09/01/2024 21:01

Turns out he doesn’t rate birthdays! Last year he bought be an expensive pair of diamond earrings and on my 40th, not even a ‘happy birthday’.

Show quote history

What did he say when you dumped him?

Was he surprised? Upset? Sorry?

Terrribletwos · 09/01/2024 23:07

fairiesrus · 09/01/2024 20:10

We work together away from home one night a week. We have been together for four years. He hasn’t wished me a happy birthday yet and I’m devastated. I keep dropping hints like ‘My daughter can’t wait until I get home tomorrow as she has bought me a present’ (daughter from previous relationship), nothing! Also, ‘Remind me what you bought your mum for her birthday last week’ 😏 Does this mean he doesn’t really love me? Am I overreacting? Just feel so sad.

You've been together for 4 years and he doesn't know your birthday? What did he do for the previous birthdays?

doublexegg · 09/01/2024 23:18

I cant even remember my own birthday half the time let alone anyone elses.
My uncal never remembers my aunt's birthday they have been together 46 years.

Terrribletwos · 09/01/2024 23:20

Safe journey!

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/01/2024 23:24

IndignantIguana · 09/01/2024 22:58

I do my husband the favour of not letting him forget mine, that way he's never guilty and I'm never disappointed. Two weeks before I mention its my birthday in two weeks, then at one week he gets a daily countdown. It honestly saves so many issues... Now we just need someone to do this for our wedding anniversary, neither of us can remember that!

This makes me so sad, why are you having to take on the mental load of reminding a man-child it’s your birthday?!

My DH’s birthday is in a few weeks and I’m already thinking what to get him etc. it’s not that hard :(

OP you did the right thing, he can’t have cared that much not to send you a quick happy birthday!!

HelloDaisy · 09/01/2024 23:27

That’s an awful way for him to behave, glad you have finished with him as he doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship. If he wanted to end it with you he should have done it properly and behaved like an adult.

Wishing you a lovely weekend away with your family. Hope you have a safe drive home, time to think and plan your new future as life begins at forty..

PickAChew · 09/01/2024 23:30

Oh what a twat, @fairiesrus

Hopefully you're home and glad to be rid of him, now.

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2024 23:30

doublexegg · 09/01/2024 23:18

I cant even remember my own birthday half the time let alone anyone elses.
My uncal never remembers my aunt's birthday they have been together 46 years.

They were going away for it!

He hadn't forgotten, he just didn't care!

Backtoblack1 · 09/01/2024 23:32

Shockingly shit behaviour! Are you ok? X

MsDogLady · 09/01/2024 23:33

So he was well aware of your Birthday, but decided to intentionally hurt you by not mentioning it. @fairiesrus, he is an utterly mean-spirited Loser.

Kudos for dumping him, and please make it permanent.

Sending a sincere Happy Birthday from over here in the U.S. !!!

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