Does anyone have experience dating/marrying someone who smokes weed?

[sophiebrooks123]

Hello fellow MNers. I know people will have strong views on this but ideally I am looking for experienced answers from women/(even men) who have dated or married someone who regularly smokes weed.

With it becoming legal in some states in the USA now, you can only wonder if it will eventually treacle down to Europe. I have friends who out right would never like there partner to smoke daily, I have other friends who have no issue with there husband smoking nightly before bed. My question to you is

1. Have you noticed it negatively effect your partners mood/your relationship (eg snappy when hasn't smoked, or completely fine without the weed and uses it more as a relaxant, like you would a wine before bed)
2. Have you noticed it have any negative affect on raising children (eg more tired, grumpy without weed, no patience with children unless high)
3. Have you noticed your partner more concerned about being around friends TO smoke weed, eg forced you/your partner to constantly see friends so he doesn't smoke alone And any other experience you may want to share/recommend!

2) Have you noticed it have any negative affect on raising children (eg more tired, grumpy without weed, no patience with children unless high)

Having your children grow up with a normalised view of drugs is always going to have a negative effect on them. Not the kind of impact you were considering, a far greater one all the same. You have to ask yourself if you would be happy for your DC to grow up as drug users.

I did, before kids though. Never would again.

He and his friends were very typical stoners and his life revolved around it. It stinks and life was incredibly boring. Before he started smoking weed he was the kindest, loveliest man. I could have spent the rest of my life with him. It ruined him.

Yes me too- although an ex did the same and he was a horrible person. It depends on the person completely

Don't do it. It can cause severe MH problems.

My partners smoked since he was 17. Never in the day always in the evening, just like most mumsnetters enjoy a glass of wine.

He owns a successful business and is extremely intelligent and hard working.

Now we have a toddler and baby on the way he's massively reduced when he smokes (couple times a month) and never gets arsey when he cuts down.

Usually it's because those people already had mental health issues.

Main reason our marriage ended. Would never be with anyone else who smoked weed again, debating even being with someone who smokes tbh.

I have a legal, private medical cannabis prescription (physically disabled with chronic pain) and vape in the evening as a way to help the pain and maybe get some sleep! Ironically, it's actually more expensive for me to go the legal route than when I was purchasing from a friend who grows their own but I wanted to have the legal protection. My DP of 4 years also has a legal prescription. Neither one of us drink alcohol.
I don't live with DP as we both have children and are happy with our 'together but living apart' situation- kids come first, always.
My now nearly 13 year old is fully aware of the prescriptions I have (I have opioids and other pain meds too) and understands that Mum has to use medication for pain. I have been very open with her as I feel its important. Her best mates Dad is a police officer & I've told them that there's (legal) cannabis in the house- they have no issues with their child being over at mine multiple times a week. All prescription medication is in a locked box which I have the keys for. Cannabis has lost its mystique a lot for my DD as to her it's something Mum needs to use for pain- not really very rebellious!
Have I done the right thing in being honest with her? I believe so I never vape in front of her, obviously, and only use cannabis at night once she's in bed. I am always fully able to parent.
Some may judge my approach but it seems to work for us x

And that’s exactly why it was legalised in your country. To choke off the criminal supply chain.

I mean that sounds fair enough. and you don't notice you are any more irritable withoutu a smoke? if you are only smoking late at night??

@Walker1178 yeah i totally get this. suddenly everything is hilarious, they are so laid back and positive (sadly, i think this is the person i fell in love with) now my partner has been cutting down he is moody, irritable with me, often gives me the silent treatment (i assume resentment) ... we are engaged.

@Disturbia81 my partner also had a very abusive father, and sounds like he uses for the same reasons your partner. Can I ask if he is a different/meaner version of himself towards you/kids when he doesn't smoke? and how that makes you feel? In that instance I do think they are dependant on it.

@sophiebrooks123 Not meaner but less patient, quick to temper, less jokey with them. Less likely to be around them for long periods. It has never bothered me because it's taken all that away and left him as the relaxed, happy, fun, good humoured, extremely patient dad he wants to be.
I think of all the angry, abusive dads that have existed and caused issues down the line, if only they had weed! If only his dad had had some. Because he was angry because of HIS abusive dad.

@Disturbia81 so does that mean he needs to be kind of high when around the kids to cope with them? My partners dad DID smoke weed which is the crazy thing!

My ex smoked. He was useless and it 100% the weed. He would prioritise it over everything in a really annoying way. He was always skint and could never go anywhere or do anything with me because he had no money but ALWAYS had money for weed. He would ask me for money because he couldn't buy food/ train tickets/ even birthday gifts for me... but he always had money for weed.

He would never eat,he'd rather smoke and got super thin. He would regularly drink as well and then be useless for days.

Only upside was I never paid for weed...

You can do better than this stoner can't you OP?

My partner used to smoke it. Never effected him in a negative way.

Used to do it when I was younger, stopped years ago. It didn't effect me the way it did my ex but he was already a lazy, argumentative arsehole (doubley so when he did coke). It's like any drug, different people react differently.

Would I date someone who did drugs now, depends on the person really. Occasional use is less of an issue than an everyday user.

Many years ago I learnt about barbiturates and how many different types there are in common weed (no comparison to the strength of todays) and how the body cannot break down a lot of it and it collects in fatty tissue around ovaries, testicles and the heart (this was from a documentary). I didn’t smoke week both my siblings did extensively and both had children with additional needs. Why waste your life with a partner who is only worth spending time with if they have a fix? It has always been a deal breaker for me.

@sophiebrooks123 nah he can cope with them without it, still a good dad.

Yep, twenty five years ago, DS's father (my ex) used to be a heavy hash head . Used to batter hell out of me and wreck the house when he ran out. I left him with my wee boy (or rather, ran from him with my child in my arms, when he tried to strangle me in a raging bad mood ). But it's harmless btw . It really isn't. Oh and he progressed to smack and didn't see his son for years cos I didn't let him. He stunk as well. I'm sure it's different now...

@sophiebrooks123 ...nope, never more irritable! If anything I'm actually more reasonable as I'm not in such pain....like I say, my approach my not be the 'right' onr but it seems to have worked for DD and I up until now. Vaping also smells far less than smoking and no nicotine etc.
Always happy to answer any questions. Before I gained my legal prescription I purchased from a friend who grew their own so I don't feel I've contributed to the 'drugs trade' and all it entails x

I dated someone who was a ‘sociable’ weed smoker, didn’t bother me one iota until it started escalating, he insisted it was no different to me enjoying a glass of wine but I don’t sit there drinking wine alone from 7pm to the early hours. It really got a hold of him unfortunately, it made him incredibly lazy, extremely irritable, so sleepy in the evenings when he wasn’t on it and so sleepy in the mornings when he was, I tried to control his intake - which made both of us resentful. He stopped wanting to do anything or go anywhere because it would impact his smoking time. Plus it smells - would have to wash his clothes separately. Absolutely awful experience and I would not go near a weed smoker ever again. Even when I smell it on someone in a shop it gives me the ick.

My ex who I’ve recently broken up with smokes everyday and there were definitely times not having it made him moody irritable and snappy with me.
He worked hard and has a nice house and money but never really wants to do anything, he wouldn’t come on holiday with me and the kids and I think not being able to smoke might have had an impact on him making that decision.
Hes not paranoid but forgetful and would forget to tell me important things then insist he had.
He would also drive high which I didn’t like, including heavy machinery at work, he is one stoned mistake away from losing everything.

@sophiebrooks123
Personally, I don't notice any effects if I stop smoking it for a few days/weeks however long. My partner sometimes gets a bit moody after about 3 or 4 days but quickly goes away. That's what I mean by the person's constitution, their bodies capability of breaking something down and how they're affected by different substances, we're all different, same with food, alcohol etc.

We don't have kids right now, but we plan to , I've cut down on a lot of things already (coffee, smoking, fast food...) and getting into shape, but I still enjoy a joint of a weekend or in the evenings. I can't see that changing when we have kids (although I won't be smoking when pregnant/TTC), we're currently in the process of buying a house and luckily lots of houses in the areas I like have outbuildings, extensions, patios etcs that we could have a designated smoking area away from the main house.

I know that spraying with pesticides is not good. A friend of mine showed me some weed that was sprayed under a microscope, all these salt-looking crystals coating the bud which reduces the effects, leaves a nasty feel in the mouth and can cause headaches. I look forward to the days that we can grow our own!

Hope this answers your questions but if there's anything else you'd like to know feel free to reply.