Does anyone have experience dating/marrying someone who smokes weed?

[sophiebrooks123]

Hello fellow MNers. I know people will have strong views on this but ideally I am looking for experienced answers from women/(even men) who have dated or married someone who regularly smokes weed.

With it becoming legal in some states in the USA now, you can only wonder if it will eventually treacle down to Europe. I have friends who out right would never like there partner to smoke daily, I have other friends who have no issue with there husband smoking nightly before bed. My question to you is

1. Have you noticed it negatively effect your partners mood/your relationship (eg snappy when hasn't smoked, or completely fine without the weed and uses it more as a relaxant, like you would a wine before bed)
2. Have you noticed it have any negative affect on raising children (eg more tired, grumpy without weed, no patience with children unless high)
3. Have you noticed your partner more concerned about being around friends TO smoke weed, eg forced you/your partner to constantly see friends so he doesn't smoke alone And any other experience you may want to share/recommend!

Sorry to hear this! Do you mind if I send you a msg?

He can't be him without weed? That's kind of upsetting (not in a degrading way)

My ex did ( this was a long time ago and I was young) . It was costly and it stinks .

He functioned despite being a daily user. Although he did behave like an overgrown teenager.

I didn't notice him being paranoid , I wonder if his faults were just his personality, rather than being down to weed.

They always insist it doesn't affect them - but I wonder why do it then??!

I see it similarly to alcohol, there are some people who are capable of an occasional social drink in an appropriate circumstance there are others who are dependent or problematic drinkers, it's the same with weed. At this stage in my life I couldn't date someone who smokes it because it's illegal and I can't risk my job/professional reputation, but if it was legal it wouldn't bother me, on occasion in the rugby environment. Wouldn't want a stoned partner around my child, but wouldn't want a drunk partner around my child either

I knew someone, incredibly laid back guy, very kind. Smoked every day, had a major psychotic incident, tried to attack people with a knife and was committed. Ruined his mental health, career, marriage. Obviously it changed my views about this, it’s a dangerous game.

Do you/your partner not have any negative affects/find it hard to stop for weeks on end? Good if you don't! My partner struggles hard, really unbearable to be around on day 4...
How often do you smoke? During the day/only at night? do you have kids...

to answer your questions

• Unsure what this means
• No idea - I am sure partner wouldn't even know/tell me - I just looked at his vape and its 300MG vape from Rhythm??
• How would he know? Its bought from a friend unfortunately - he says its natural - when I said to him its probably sprayed with Pesticides he said yes to enhance the weed growth (lol)
• vape during the day/regular, smoked socially with friends
• he says he needs it to relax, and when he was younger teachers just wanted to "put him on medication"

what happens if your partner is telling you they can't relax or be patient around your child without weed, whats the lesser of the two evils?

i dont mind at all. i hope my experiences can help others

I’d rather weed over alcohol anyday in a partner.

@GR8GAL

What you said, except for I was the regular weed user, not him.

My first serious boyfriend in my early 20's who I did really love was a habitual weed smoker, at first he was funny and charming but as he became more dependent on it he switched to stronger skunk, he stank of it and became paranoid and depressed.

His drugs always came first, suddenly anything nice we might do together like go to a movie, a concert or meal was costing him too much as he needed all his disposable income for dope. Even if we did go out he carried it on him at all times and I was always worried that he would get caught with a lot on him.

He lost all ability to plan for the future and was barely able to hold on to the low paid job he had while I was doing my masters. We just became incompatible over time and dope was a big part of that. When I broke up with him he claimed to be devastated but I'm not sure he really felt much of anything for anyone by that point, he had disappeared into that fug.

I ran into him a few years ago and he looked like an old man even though he was only mid 40's, he was off the dope by then but he was still in the same job, living in a flat near his mum and still single.

He's less the one that got away and more the one I got away from!

Wow! Congrats for making the right choice! Me and my partner agreed for him to only smoke on weekends, but now I notice him constantly making social plans with people every weekend for us (so he can smoke) its also hard to be around him during the week because he resents me for not being able to smoke

@sophiebrooks123 to me that's problematic, if you can't regulate your own emotions without substance use , it's not ok. I'd be asking him to quit completely with proper GP/agency support and if he didn't behave appropriately around my DC I'd be leaving. Just replace smoke weed with have a drink. You wouldn't think it was ok for someone to say if I don't drink alcohol I'll get angry at the DC, it's no different.

My DP is a low level smoker. He doesn’t do it in the house and we had a few arguments early on when he’d got stoned with friends and then drove home so now he’s stopped mixing in those circles. My view is that he’s an adult and if he’s not putting anyone else at risk he’s welcome to disappear to the end of the garden for the 4-5 joints he’ll smoke a month.

I don’t particularly like the way it affects him (another reason why he’s cut down so much) he sits there with a stupid grin on his face, chatting shit, he clearly finds the stories he’s telling funny and laughs a fair bit during them. Honestly I just find it all a bit annoying.

I’m not sure where I’d draw the line on his usage but I’m accepting of the current level

Another poster I think raised a really good point with street weed being very different to what you would get at a dispensary, it's different stuff and you really don't know where it comes from. It's just getting more and more potent. My current partner is a smoker (before we lived together I didn't quite realise how much he smoked and it's an issue for me). Like others posters, the mood swings, the seemingly inability to manage money (he's in his mid 30s and his family still support him), mental health issues (I don't know anyone who has smoked weed reguarly and not developed/worsened their mental health with long term usage).

Back to you though, if he's agreed to only smoke at the weekends, give him an evening to do so I think he's made the compromise.

I smoke weed and so does my boyfriend.

No negative affects whatsoever.

Very briefly. I feel like most of Canada smokes it though. The person in question definitely had mental health issues but I think they predated the weed.

Not really. I also have to say that I smoke too, which makes it easier. We smoke at night and maintaining good hygiene. There is no problem if one day we cannot smoke due to some circumstance or if we go on a trip. It gives us a moment of relaxation after a hard day. Although I can really see in some friends that weed has screwed them up.

@sophiebrooks123 He had a very abusive father, hot tempered nature, anxious racing mind and weed calms his brain. It takes all the shit bits away and leaves him with his relaxed, good humoured self. He's never been out of it, silly, giggly, lazy. He does his job much better with it as it helps him focus.

It seems to have a negative effect on the people I know who smoke it every day (brings out bipolar/schizophrenic personality traits). I personally wouldn't be with someone who did this on a regular basis, legal or not

The MH services are stretched enough without legalising weed. A large proportion of drug induced psychosis is due to it, its actually one of the drugs with a higher impact on the NHS.

And that's not to say it effects most people that way, but it does in a not insignificant amount of cases when you consider the already huge lack of MH inpatient beds.

On the other side of things, if there's no impact other than the addiction it still absolutely stinks.

Nah. They fucking stink.

Hi I got with DH when he smoked weed - he then quit before we married as he got very addicted -20 odd years ago. Had several years then of him sneaking around smoking at work (dangerous as in construction) and then spending lots of money on it. More recently it escalated to Cocaine with disastrous results which nearly ended our marriage (we have 2 children ) he's been clean a year now and attends Narcotics Anonymous. I went into the relationship for fun wasn't expecting to fall in love. I'm not into drugs so it's caused a lot of problems between us. I think it depends on whether it's light occasional use or heavy constant use. My husband gets addicted fast and then his tolerance is high so smokes/drinks excessively..

I live in a state where weed is legal and has been for several years now.
My DH smokes, less now than he used to, doesn't bother me at all. He suffers from depression/anxiety and micro dosing has helped him in the past.
I eat edibles for fun on occasion. Concerts, certain movies etc. I don't see it any different to having a glass, or two, of wine.

I'll probably get flamed for this as a know MN is very anti drugs.