Does anyone have experience dating/marrying someone who smokes weed?

[sophiebrooks123]

Hello fellow MNers. I know people will have strong views on this but ideally I am looking for experienced answers from women/(even men) who have dated or married someone who regularly smokes weed.

With it becoming legal in some states in the USA now, you can only wonder if it will eventually treacle down to Europe. I have friends who out right would never like there partner to smoke daily, I have other friends who have no issue with there husband smoking nightly before bed. My question to you is

1. Have you noticed it negatively effect your partners mood/your relationship (eg snappy when hasn't smoked, or completely fine without the weed and uses it more as a relaxant, like you would a wine before bed)
2. Have you noticed it have any negative affect on raising children (eg more tired, grumpy without weed, no patience with children unless high)
3. Have you noticed your partner more concerned about being around friends TO smoke weed, eg forced you/your partner to constantly see friends so he doesn't smoke alone And any other experience you may want to share/recommend!

My DD was a primary teacher and said she could tell when a child had weekend access with a weed smoking parent. The effect lasted until about Wednesday. They weren't really present, unable to take in information, or join in with other children. It was very marked.

@sophiebrooks123
Yes i had an ex partner of nearly 10 years who smoked weed a lot,

I know several people, maybe 🤔 more wouldn't be susprised who are regular weed smokers,

My take on it, that most of them use weed as a relaxant escapism from the stress trials and tribulations of life, and maybe boredom too,
just like people drinking alchol and smoking 🚬 cigarettes,
which are society socially more acceptable drugs,

the other person who smokes drugs is using this as alternative from addiction to alcohol or harder drugs such as herion drug..

My take theory on whether smoking weed makes people more prone to psychosis mental health disorder,
is that just like alchol does,

Weed brings out whatever is allready there, in the psyche mind and character of whoever is using this form of drug...

So she could tell the ones who had parents who smoked shit tons around their kids then. Not the ones whose parents waited till their kids were in bed and then went outside for a spliff before bed.

25 years with a daily smoker. I wouldn’t ever be with one again. Wouldn’t do it again. He has awful paranoia, mood swings, agressive, it’s the most important thing. Very dependent on it. I hate it, really really hate it. He thinks it has no effect beyond relaxing him a bit and thinks it’s better than a drink. He’s deluded.
It’s caused a lot of issues with us. He thinks I knew he smoked so I shouldn’t have an issue. We were barely adults then. He told me he would give it up before our kids knew anything, could smell it’s etc. Our older ones are adults.

Lol as if your kids don't know.
I wouldn't have weed in my home if I had children thats for sure. Absolute no no.
Doesn't matter if you smoke it around them or 'outside when they are asleep'.

Fair enough if you take a holiday to Amsterdam here and there or do stuff when your out if the house on days you don't have the kids, but any parent with illeagal drugs in their home where their child sleeps should not have custody imo.

@Strugglingtodomybest look up third hand smoke.

Dated two weed smokers years back. Always ended badly.

What is thirdhand smoke, and why is it a concern?

Thirdhand smoke is made up of the pollutants that settle indoors when tobacco is smoked. The chemicals in thirdhand smoke include nicotine as well as cancer-causing substances such as formaldehyde, naphthalene and others.
Thirdhand smoke builds up on surfaces over time. It can become embedded in most soft surfaces such as clothing, furniture, drapes, bedding and carpets. It also settles as dust-like particles on hard surfaces such as walls, floors and in vehicles. Thirdhand smoke can remain for many months even after smoking has stopped.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/quit-smoking/expert-answers/third-hand-smoke/faq-20057791

Ok, I looked it up. But I'm not sure why you've told me to, could you be a bit more specific?

Depends on the context and the person completely. I'm not against weed smoking but if it's a problem it's a problem.. just like alcohol. There's people who enjoy a drink now and then and then there's alcoholics, or people whose behaviour becomes problematic when drunk etc
So for me it really depends, I don't have a blanket rule.
My DH very occasionally smokes weed, I'm talking about once every couple of years at a party. So it doesn't even register on me, has no impact on our relationship.
I don't smoke it at all because I just don't like it. No moral stance I just tried it a few times when younger and found it to be a horrible experience.
I've met lovely reasonable people who smoke weed every day and I've met awful people who smoke weed every day and I've met people who smoke weed every day who definitely should not, as they are clearly experiencing mental health issues due to it.

I wouldn't do it. I know people that do it daily and people that have done it and given up. The two people I know who do it daily are quite hard work to be around - usually always very insistent that it's not affecting them but are quite determined to carry on with. Long term, the 3 people I know who did it were the most self centred people I'd ever met and are quite aggressive.

@Alloftheskies this is exactly my view too. Some people can smoke it every day and still function in the same way they would without it, others have it take over their life. Same as any drug really, including alcohol.

Having said that, I wouldn't want a partner who smoked it all day everyday. I know someone like that, and although he's a lovely guy, he's also completely useless (according to his ex-wife).

But, it's very hard to generalise, so maybe I shouldn't!

To the posters talking about traffiking and gangs. Everyone I know who smokes it either grows their own, or gets it from a friend who grows their own and sells their leftovers to friends.

@Strugglingtodomybest I'm sorry. I was trying to make the point that even if you do go outside to smoke it that you're still bringing traces of marijuana into your home on your clothes and body.

Friend of mines husband is a weed smoker. She was fine with it but +10yrs down the line is increasing mentioning that he's lazy, lacks life ambitions beyond 'chilling out' and his clothes always stink if it.
It wouldn't be for me, but each to their own.

Are you a journalist gathering material for an reticle, or someone doing research? You should be upfront with people about what you’re going to use the responses for. Also - ‘treacle down’? Really? At least it gave me a laugh.

The OP isn't talking about the small time user, she's talking about the people who produce drugs. It is produced in countries that don't give a shit. Child slavery is standard and used for cannabis cultivation. The cartels that grow the stuff are ruthless and the plant is basically soaked in the blood of their rivals and innocent farmers before it gets here. The whole production of it from beginning to end is immoral on just about every level.

Don't

One of my friends smokes weed. She used to live in a country where it was legal and had a prescription to help her manage a long term condition. She had a very highly paid responsibl job and was very successful.

She moved to the UK and couldn't get it legally so started to buy it on the street to manage her condition. She's now terribly paranoid and delusional. I am terribly worried about her. She's lost her job, many of her friends and is a terrified anxious mess.

Regular street weed is dreadful for mental health. I have long been in favour of legalising weed so this post doesn't come from a place of bias, just concern, the stuff sold on the street isn't risk free.

Very similar to my friend's experience. She had to tiptoe around until he'd had a smoke, and then money had to be prioritised so he could get what he needed.

honestly, it was a life from hell in the end. i will add, he didnt start off like that, he just got gradually worse, so much so, u dont even realise its happening.

Complete deal-breaker for me and I would never even contemplate dating or living with someone who smoked it, no matter what. It is one of the first things I mention when dating anybody - no matter how casual the usage is, I don't want it anywhere near me, I don't want anybody who spends on it, smells of it, keeps it in the house, carries it around in pockets or has it in their world at all. "It doesn't affect me negatively" wouldn't convince me in a thousand years, just no.

Ah, got you! Yes, I suppose minimal amounts will be brought it on clothes. But from what I've read, thirdhand smoke it about the build up of particles over time, inside buildings. Like when you used to go into heavy smokers houses and the ceiling would be that horrible tobacco orange colour, do you remember that?!

I don't believe that the small amount clinging onto someone's clothes/hair/face in the evening after their children have gone to bed, before they change their clothes and have a wash, would cause a child to be this affected: "weren't really present, unable to take in information, or join in with other children."

Thanks and congrats on finding the one. So you don't think its had any negative influences at all on your relationship?

Thanks. I can kind of relate. Partner gets very irritable when he doesn't smoke however I must admit has a very successful career so its a tough one for me. I am debating whether to just let him crack on and smoke (I assume everyday) from a vape. This honestly keeps him happier. He is nearly unbearable without it towards me, a lot of women do not have an issue with it so I am wondering if I am just making my life harder for no god damn reason :)

Be careful of latching on to one positive story. Weed is highly damaging in so many ways.
I'd not let a habitual or even occasional user near my kids. Not least because it normalises it's use for them.
Bargepole.

Thanks and really insightful hearing from you. Can I ask why you are unsure if you would of stayed knowing what you know now, if he is a loving, caring, happy father? Has it had an effect on your relationship? Has if affected him as a husband? My partner also uses it as a relaxant, but he is really irritable (only with me of course) without it. I do wonder how this will affect kids.

Yes, makes him a far better dad. Allows him to be him. If only more smoke weed instead of drinking!