DH becoming an old man...

[MerryMarigold]

Slurping hot drinks (this is new)
Shuffling around in slippers (can you not pick your feet up?)
Making moaning, groaning, huffing noises with every movement

He's 51. As am I.

It's driving me insane. I feel really bad when I inevitably say something after trying not to for weeks or days. I feel like I'm picking on him when he's a good father and husband in many ways. (Right now he's sorting out a burst tyre on my car which I had to abandon, and he picked me up last night, out early to sort it out).

So I blurt it out: why are you slurping your drink like that? And then I feel bad. But it's just SO IRRITATING.

It's only irritating because you're having an emotional reaction to it and your brain is now actively looking for stuff to be irritated by. How's your hormones?

Do you think these are all new behaviours, or are you just noticing them now?

If you honestly think he's changing, then you need to have a calm conversation and tell him you're concerned that he's starting to act like an old man, and is he OK? There could be a health issue, or it could be he's fully embracing being 'old man' (it happens sometimes) and these are new habits that he could choose to change if he wants to.

If you feel you could be less patient than before, could it be menopause related? It's very normal to become less caring and patient with people we're close to during and after menopause.

Of course it could be a combination of both factors.

I think they're new behaviours. It could be my hormones too but I've been irritable for years! I'm not very patient (-with adults, I work with small children so maybe my patience is all run out). If I have a 'serious chat' with him, would that be worse?

He's also been struggling a bit with asthma so I've been encouraging him to go to the doctor. He finally phoned but there was the junior doctor strike so they couldn't see him (he'll try again 'next week', might be next month, meantime he's using DS1s pump).

I think it's crept up since working from home after Covid. He used to cycle to work, was a lot fitter, slimmer etc.

I think my DH is and we’re only 30. It’s really depressing actually. He’s starting to lose his hearing I think, either that or he has sudden selective hearing. I find myself having to shout things at him or repeat myself 5 times before he hears. Honestly feel like we’re an old couple.

How do I stop having an emotional reaction to it. I don't want to be married to an old man for the next 30 years. He's not old!

My DH is nearly 40 and this is him too. I also find it quite annoying but I live with it because I assume he also finds some of my qualities annoying as well!

So he picked you up last night after you got a flat,he is now out dealing with it and you are are having a go about how he drinks,
Poor bloke

If it's new behaviour he needs a checkup at the docs - there might be neurological issues at play - especially if he can't help it/control it.

He needs to do some exercise.

Basically it's all down hill for your musculoskeletal system from 40. The aches and pains start to build up as your muscles are wasting.

DH laughed at me when I got tennis elbow in my mid 40s and started wailing about being middle aged. Then he got rotator cuff and yes, we're both getting old.

If he used to cycle to work, could he start having a daily cycle? Or anything. Otherwise the huffing is only going to get worse.

This.

OP I learned years ago that once you notice 'something' minor but irritates you, if you don't check yourself it'll make you more angry every single time it happens.

You need to make a real effort to pull yourself together. There are nice/casual ways to bring up him suddenly slurping his tea or moaning and groaning when he moves instead of blurting it out. It's not nice to feel picked at for stuff that really doesn't matter.

If a genie came out of a lamp and stopped all these irritations overnight, but the 'price' you paid was he also didn't do things like picking you up and sorting your tyre for you - would you do it?

This is a you problem, and you can change your reaction to it if you try.

Feet shuffling drives me bonkers and is very unsexy.

I would just find a neutral time to say, I don’t want us to become old before our time - please can you stop doing the slurping and the shuffling - it’s new and makes me feel like we’re in the departure lounge

Edit - probably add the point that it’s a good time for your both to do some exercise, or it’s all down hill (it is)

If he is kind and also quite handy, you need to realise how lucky you are.
Doing this stuff on your own is hellish and expensive.

Rather than blurting, try making kind hearted observations instead. He is more likely to take them on board than a criticism. GL

You are both getting older.

Let’s hope he’s a bit more understanding when menopause hits and you have sleepless nights, hot flushes, hair loss, memory loss, are tired, are irritable etc ( disclaimer I know the menopause hits women in a variety of ways)

Maybe it’s your own ageing that’s bothering you really

Shoot that shit down now. Dh also shuffling saying he needs new stronger inhaler as he is huffing managing the stairs.. Told him the Dr will tell him to lose weight not get more drugs.. He is in denial he has gained weight..

If you don't want to blurt something out, how about buying a copy of 'Mens Health' magazine and read your own version of it. Mutter things like, 'I need to get on top of my health' or 'I don't want to end up like xyz'
Subtle rather than in his face.
Would that aproach work @MerryMarigold

I think you should both start a fitness regime together.

That'll help him if she's having aches and pains and you with your mood.

Do some cardio and some yoga.

Tell him to buy some indoor shoes that are not slippers. Everyone looks ancient shuffling around in slippers and they are also really bad for your ankle strength and gait generally.

Send him to Specsavers to see if his ears are blocked. They have a whizzy suction machine that will clear them in a second if they are.

Why is he slurping?

That would test my patience.

Thank you. That was really helpful, needed to hear it! I do need to check myself.

I agree. It's great. And they can attach a camera so you can see what's in there!

Good idea but probably not together. He's waaay fitter than me (though I don't huff, moan or shuffle). He would be very snotty about yoga though I suggested yoga/plates before. He needs to go on a run with DD or DS2 though.

Plates being pilates

This.
OP, I’m sure you have irritating habits and he’s just keeping a lid on it like a grown adult - seems unfair you’re bitching about him online where he has no chance to defend himself while you’re sat in the warm, debating how to confront him.

Poor bloke