DH becoming an old man...

[MerryMarigold]

Slurping hot drinks (this is new)
Shuffling around in slippers (can you not pick your feet up?)
Making moaning, groaning, huffing noises with every movement

He's 51. As am I.

It's driving me insane. I feel really bad when I inevitably say something after trying not to for weeks or days. I feel like I'm picking on him when he's a good father and husband in many ways. (Right now he's sorting out a burst tyre on my car which I had to abandon, and he picked me up last night, out early to sort it out).

So I blurt it out: why are you slurping your drink like that? And then I feel bad. But it's just SO IRRITATING.

bin the slippers

BIL started showing signs of PD at your DH's age, OP. Shuffling was the first symptom. He definitely needs to see the GP.

Not rtft so apologies if this point is been made…the shuffling needs to stop. It will eventually become ingrained and lead to poor balance and posture and increased risk of falls.
that’s not you nagging that’s you looking out for his health. I’d also recommend you hiding ds inhaler tomorrow. He’ll get himself to a gp quicker. Sometimes you have to be blunt to be kind.

like a frog catching flies

on threads live atm, offputting table manners/eating habits loom large

It wasn‘t exactly this but similar which ended my unhappy marriage,
when I was 40/41 same age as my husband and I had HAD ENOUGH

I paid for counselling, well worth it -
I told her amongst other things I could no longer tolerate
sittingat the family dinner table with him eating, and why.
I thought she would scoff and suggest I was neurotic.
She assured me these deeply imbued behavioural idiosyncrasies of his
had always been present : I had chosen to sublimate or ignore them for
the sake of marital, family harmony.
There is always a straw which breaks the camel’s back.

This straw happened at the dinner table when I had a mini breakdown.

OP this is the point when we know we cannot go on.
If it’s only the slippers, performance oofs, sighs, groans, buy earplugs,
soldier on, you are not ready yet!

HTH

yes, apparently, too flat and bad for posture
my Pilates AND Alexander teachers both advised walking barefoot wherever and whenever possible, for balance, correcting deportment, backache! no slouching!

falling down stairs whilst wearing mules / open backed slippers, is a frequent cause of ‘accidents in the home’ apparently

my Pilates AND Alexander teachers both advised walking barefoot wherever and whenever possible

I love walking barefoot but our house is tiled downstairs (the whole place - as we bought it), and wood upstairs. It's very cold. I do think you have a point and can get better slippers though. He used to have some Clarks ones ages ago with a proper arch. I think these slippers aren't helping, they are dead flat and very thin.

my ex started displaying similar behaviours, which were deeply unsexy. He started to behave like he was retired at 50! Shuffling, complaining of pains and aches, man flu, lack of initiative and general passivity.

Im not perfect, but not behaving like I'm 20 years older than my age. And can still get up and bend over without involving unnecessary noise at 50.

I recall my mom doing an "oomph!" every time she got up, from about age 35 at least, maybe younger. I'm 21 years older than that now & don't grunt when doing stuff. It's personality, not 'getting old' behaviour.

Shuffling tends to mean the slippers are too loose.

It's personality, not 'getting old' behaviour

What personality? Let's see if he fits the rest of it!

Im not perfect, but not behaving like I'm 20 years older than my age. And can still get up and bend over without involving unnecessary noise at 50.

I'm only 35 and sometimes ache getting up or sitting down - not everyone ages in the same way and lots of people have aches and pains at a relatively young age (for a whole variety of reasons - some self-inflicted, others medical).

Mine slurps,sniffs and shuffles.
He is 63 and im younger so this behaviour is quite revolting.
I can understand the frustration but agree he has put up with me banging on about menopause and night sweats.
I agree some of the aging process isnt fun,
Surely men can still pick their feet up though.

Totally with you on this! I feel like I'm the same as always while he looks over the top of his glasses at me and moans about noisy kids and "who put this here" or "why do people xyz" when it's obvious he's only talking about me. Friends report the same.

Why isn't there male HRT? Forget the blue pill for willies if they really want to improve their lives they need to stop acting all whingy and decrepit!

I clearly should have pre-empted my statement giving due consideration to all possible other scenarios, people, and situations avoid causing offence.

The slurping has maybe always been a thing but you've become hypersensitive to it.

I can't have spaghetti as a family meal anymore as husband slurped that and it did my head in!

Just embrace growing old together, not everyone gets that chance....

This...tell him that as he is obviously now 'past it' , he can forget sex too.

Is this meant to be light-hearted (and fair enough, I irritate myself so I am sure I irritate my partner) or are these new traits?
Because they could be signs of health problems

I ignored lots of little signs like this.
It turned out I did indeed have a neurological issue. One that largely affects women under 40 and men in their 50s/60s.

Things are all funny and trivial until they aren't.

What makes you think I was offended

It's a discussion forum, I was having a discussion lol.

Some of these responses are batshit. The OP’s husband’s kindness or ability to fix tyres has no relationship whatsoever to his shuffling or slurping— it’s not that she has to trade off the car know-how for the irritating centenarian habits! He could be equally handy and not huff, shuffle or slurp. And if he were the Prince of Darkness, she would have an equal right to be irritated by these specific behaviours.

OP, bring it up gently at a time when you’re not so irritated. As if he knows he’s shuffling and huffing.

I agree with pp that I’d be wanting a physical checkup to rule out any neurological or co ordination/balance issues.

even something as simple as hearing can affect balance, and he may be slurping if it’s uncomfortable to swallow due to ear issues.

if he has an iPhone there’s a section in health that records how you walk- asymmetry, step evenness, double support time, walking steadiness. I’d check those and if they aren’t bang on use it to push him toward the GP.

You have misophonia perhaps, which is a well known symptom of peri-menopause. I have it myself.

What do you do to help it?

I'll get him to go GP, although if it's about asthma then maybe they won't be able to discuss anything else. I'll see if he can talk about it alongside the breathing, as another possible symptom of...

Maybe if I bring it up with him in all seriousness (as opposed to being naggy) he might take it on board as a genuine concern.

He went for a run with DD (14) today, although he wasn't happy she was faster (she has some joint issues and hasn't been running for ages)!

Your H needs to be more active. I have become stiffer and less fit since WFH - just cos I hardly bloody move. He needs to take remedial action now to get more activity into each day or he really is going to end up a prematurely old man. I have started doing this. I refuse to be a stiffly moving older person by the time I am 55 ffs.

I'm not very fit but I work with young children so I'm up and down off the floor all day as well as all the physical stuff (nappy changes, picking up, cuddles, constant tidying). I don't seem to have pain unless very long walks then my calves do hurt. This morning H was grunting and groaning whilst drying himself after a shower. He managed to cut his own hair, including the back, without the fussing so I do think it's just habit.