Is it ever “ok” to have an affair?

[SparklingSpaceMonkey]

Long story short, married (10+ years) with two young kids, 10 year age gap with husband. Life is hard around work and children ( both children have special needs)
Relationships with husband has become more like a friendship, he can no longer have sex due to medical reasons, meds haven’t worked and he’s more than reluctant to investigate further. No intimacy at all for over a year.

I love my husband and don’t want to break our family apart but at the same time feel i will burst if I don’t get some intimacy from somewhere, desperately need to feel desired/attractive, alive etc

May possible have an opportunity for something outside my marriage….

Is that ever ok or the right thing to do?

Sorry for the slightly blunt info but this is incredibly hard to share- please don’t suggest chatting to husband about this as I’ve tried and it gets us nowhere, just causes lots of tears and upset

Thank you

YY @Naptrappedmummy a man breaking up the home over it would not be as badly judged as a woman would be for doing the same

Some women try to do that to men, and try to make them feel ashamed if they want to break up the marriage over sex.

At the end of the day though the fear of judgement is mostly just a frame of mind issue. Why the fuck do people care if other people judge, some people will judge no matter what, most won't. So who cares? Why let the opinions of others affect you that much? Why not do something about your frame of mind so that the opinions of others stop factoring into your decisions?

I always find it fascinating when people in sexless relationships ask "but what would I tell people when I say why I'm leaving, that I left due to lack of sex"?

Why do people think they have to explain the nitty gritty details to everyone? Say what loads of other people say which is that all the intimacy was gone, the spark was gone, you were living like housemates. Most people accept that. A few will judge, but again who cares?

It’s never ‘ok’

bit would i judge you ?
no

but will it turn to shit ? Yes very likely