Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

Baffy - glad your party went well.

Macdoodle - I feel so cross on your behalf. Honestly these men behave like irresponsible children.

Have you seen this thread

HW thankgoodness , bet the blockage and waste running down the road seem s trivial after that

Baffy so glad you had a lovely birthday. I suppose with each passing event it will get easier not to have h around as it will matter less.

gup good luck on getting the house cleaned, that's why i have been away from mn this morning so it gave me an incentive to get it done, am now relaxing with cup of tea and the house is tidy, won't last long though!

Dior, so for your friend but i think it is right for ss to get involved. I guess if you know her dd is being watched then you can take a step back and let her come to you when she feels ready for the help. I know it may seem hard now and you feel like the bad guy but she obv isn't in the right frame of mind at the minute and am sure she will be greatful for your help when she is better.

Mc D how are you doing today ?

cc what an upsetting thread - after being on the receiving end of that bullsh*t, reading when someone else is going through it just sets the alarm bells ringing and you get that awful feeling they all say the same things and follow the same pattern don't they
makes me
when you're in the middle of it though you really are the last person to see it.

The problem is they all say no one else is involved dont they...it just really reminded me of the first threat I spoke to you on.

You just want to say...dont believe him...dont trust him with money..but I think even people really have to come to that decision in their own time dont they.

Hi all,

HW that is good news! It looks like a lot of us have had the 'loop thing' and are clear since - so you may feel encouraged. I always found having a regular checkup every 4 months or so made me feel safe. I'm back to every year now and it doesn't feel so safe.

Baffy, glad you had a good birthday, old lady . Having met you, I find it hard to imagine how you could improve on yourself, but the lure of the Big Knickers cannot be denied ! I didn't realise how long you and GW had been together - why, that's all your adult life and more. So it's natural you should feel empty not being able to share the day with him. But it sounds like you really do need to movve on and leave him to grow up on his own - and the first part of 'growing up' should be learning to pay his own way and not expect you to bail him out. I'm sure that there's a REAL grown up man out there for you - just give it time .

I had a nice weekend - did some retail therapy on Friday for myself, and went shopping with DD on Saturday to spend some of her birthday money. Came home with lots of nice things and the best thing was, I hadn't had to pay for them!

I bought some DVDs of 'Black Books' for DP to give her (we'd all loved the series) - and he finally did, last night, not making a big thing of it but just apologising that he'd been 'otherwise preoccupied' on her birthday and sorry it was so late coming. She accepted graciously so let's hope bridges have been rebuilt. I certainly feel happier and that I can put last weekend behind me - for now.

Have to say, though, she & I are quite looking forward to being a female only household next week... We are so much less complicated!

Hi CC - I've just looked at that thread too. What a pitiful story. You just want to say to her she's better off without such a selfish, immature, controlling oaf, irrespective of whether or not he's got an OW. I hope she realises that in time. Feel so sad for her.

cc wow that first thread! how time flies!
and how some men never change!

I remember people saying all that to me. They were 100% totally right. But it still took me 18 months to realise that for myself!

And until you believe in yourself, you go with love, and trust, and most of all, you want to believe them. Because accepting the truth is too painful.

Over time though, I suppose living in denial is actually more painful. If someone who 'loves' you can treat you so so badly.
Then really, then have no idea what love means.

I think the thing is once you have been "there" when you hear the same story from someone else you hope you can encourage them get wise before they lose too much - still its a slow process to accept your prince has infact mutated into a frog. I guess I still helps to have someone you dont know in RL to sound off to though.

Having a bit of a trauma at the moment one of those moments where I dont know whether to or - I have been querying something by e-mail and sent a friend an update telling her the company involved had had "got my goat by insulting my intelligence" and a few other less than complimentary comments...then realised I had sent it to the company by mistake and not my friend LOL LOL

CC - - but maybe they needed to know!

Are you SURE it was by mistake? Oh, that dratted 'send' button !

cc

That's the sort of thing I'd do!

In fact I did on Saturday night - that's just reminded me! I have an old friend who I love to bits (not in that way! and he's gay!) and we're always having a laugh and will say things like 'missing you loads' on texts etc. Anyway, he couldn't be at my party on Saturday as his boyfriend's family were having a party.

Long story short - new guy who works for me. Same name. Both in my phone book on my mobile with just their initial at the end to differentiate them!

Drunk head on. New guy from work texted Sat night just to say happy birthday and hope you're enjoying your party.

I thought it was my mate and texted back - 'having a lovely time thanks but would be much better if you were here, miss you loads xx'

OMG!!!

New guy from work sent a message back saying 'ah that's really nice we'll have to go out soon xx'

Double OMG!!!!

Had some quick back-tracking and apologies to make on Sunday when I read through my messages and realised!
You know that sinking feeling!
He's been really nice all day making me cups of tea and working really hard. Oops! (And he's not even nice!!)

Have now put their surnames in CAPITAL letters on my phone!!

Ooh Baffy !!! And I'll bet he goes to Star Trek conventions too !!

Or maybe, just maybe, you secretly, REALLY fancy him subconsciously (she says, wearing her naughty hat).....

Not a chance!

He has long nails. And a little beard. I'm afraid on that score alone it's a total no-no!!

But he's also a massive gambler. Has a wife and kids who he has recently left.

So definitely no!!!!

LOL Baffy! That has made my day! xx

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Anyone can send me a text by mistake - it might make h jealous and give him a taste of his own medicine - and it would be complety inoccent so no guilt on my part either [girn].

Know what you mean about others going through the same stuff - it just brings back all those horrid feelings again. I really do think there is a script these men follow. And to some extent we do too - we just dont want to believe that we can be hurt so much by someone we thought so much of.

In someways my h is a 'born again' and thinks he is an expert (which he is to some extent). He likes to point out what is going on now and will not take any crap from anyone.

Anyway drains all fixed - house just about smelling ok again now with the aid of lots of air freshening products.

HELLO all!!!!! So sorry for my absence here of late, have been thinking about you all but RL has been getting in the way somewhat!!

How are you all? lol at you texting the wrong guy baffy, how awful to wake up and realise your mistake!! I will have a read thru in a minute & try and catch up with everything if possible!!

Dior, thanks for your text, how's things with you? Hope your young man is good & things are ok at home xx

I'm ok - just. Been having a rather stressful time. In short, H & I still apart & have started divorce proceedings. He's just found out his Dad has termial cancer & only has a couple of months left so he's understandably in a bad way atm. H still hasn't sorted out anywhere proper to live so he's still having the kids at my place every other weekend which means I have to go stay with friends to have a break from the monkeys... getting a bit fed up with it all now tbh although can't pressure him atm of course. And finally to top it all after moving in Nov to a place in the village where I thought would be long term, 4 months later the landlady decides she wants to sell so we are out on our ears! Haven't found anywhere suitable yet so at this present moment I have 2 weeks before we're homeless. All good fun....

I really hope you are all ok, I've been missing being on here & chatting to you. I hope you don't mind my returning after such a while, would love to catch up properly xxxx

Hello SG - great to 'see' you

Sorry to hear about you and H and your house nightmare

It's so good to have you back though we've all been wondering how you are.

It will take you a month to catch up on everything here I'm sure!!

Gonna be in London the week of half term (thats from Sun 25 May here)....anyone about fancy meeting up at all anytime from the sunday would be lovely - could do with some teabag cheering up in RL....
SG always welcome anytime you know that surely - what are you gonna do about the house situation sounds like a nightmare ???
Baffy am glad you had a good time - I know the mixed feelings well - god what the hell is wrong with us how badly do we need to be treated before we get the message ????? But the wrong text did make me LOL
Dior so sorry about your friend - IME unless they acknowledge the problem and want to be helped there is not a lot you can do!!!
HW really good news was hoping that it would all be ok very pleased
TFM where are you hope you are ok I need a slap good talking too ....
Tannee glad things smoothed over with DP and DD Thanks to you it seems
PC where are you everything OK???
Lily many thanks for being about the other night it helped and thanks for offer of DH help - have long term trusted IFA and mortgage should be all sorted (with any luck) ....

oh and cc {waves} agree lots of thread about similar to where we all were a year or 2 ago - makes me so and brings back so many horrible feelings - but I wouldn't have listened then I still thought MY H would "come back" and trusted that he would do the "right thing" and not spend money he didn't have - wrong on all counts but not easy to just switch off love and like Baffy says I think you have to slowly come to the realisation yourself and come to terms with it .....unless your H (like HW) actually makes an effort to fix what he did

Message withdrawn

Thanks McD

I do feel so lucky that my h has done all he can to fix it. He realises it was his problem and has worked very hard to change.

I am still a bit nervous - once a cheat and all that but all i can do is to trust him again and know that i will survive if i ever had to again.

I do believe things can get better - its just that the other things in my life seem to be falling apart. I wonder if ow has a vudoo doll of me that she sticks pins in .

Would love to meet up are you in london for the whole week? Would you like to see my solicitor???

Dior you are a wonderful friend - and i am proud to call you one of mine.

Message withdrawn

Hey all sg that sounds like a real nightmare , hope you get sorted!

Baffy at the text i did that yesterday to neighbour and invited her to dd's christening as she has same name as one of my work colleagues, was when she accepted invite last night when i saw her

Dior so glad you managed to have a nice evening with your friend, she sounds like she is making small steps ti improve things , fingers crossed.

No probs McD hope you feeling a little happier today!

Tannee , Tfm

CC agree what a sad thread that she can't see what others can , but guess it takes the experience of going through it to have your eyes opened!

HW agree with what you say. I still get moments of massive self doubt in my decision of trying to move on ffrom dp's affair. However like you say all you can do is trust him and hope that he would never put you through that hurt again. My dp has made massive efforts to change too so i need to allow myself to trust him or there would be no point us staying together. He has changed and has also lost the freedom he had before. I was probably too trusting and when he went out, or stayed out for the night i accepted where he was staying was the truth but he no longer stays out and rarely goes out much at all now. I have needed him to do that and i believe it's a small price to pay.
I honestly feel like i have been brave to try again as it could easily be thrown back in my face or looked upon as being a doormat by others but i disagree. I know for certain if he ever did this again that would be the end for us as he has seen first hand the hurt it cause me and couldn't use the 'but you were never suppose to find out' line.
I hope things can get better for you, shame other things from life get in the way at times too !

You are so right lilly - my h actually doesnt want to go out so much these days - and it has really helped that it is his choice, not me telling him he cant.

He is closer now too to moving to another job and it is like a weight being lifted - i know it is not the only answer but it feels good to think that i wont have to even see her name on any work papers ect. Looks as if he will have to work until the end of the year and be able to start the new year afresh. It sounds like a long time but we always knew it would be a long process.