Hi everyone, thanks for your good wishes.
Well, things went ok for DP - conditional discharge for 6 months, £350 compensation & costs. They seemed sympathetic to his account of the row & its consequences.
The houseguests are proving lovely - the french boy is just like my nephew - even DD commented on it - seems very sensitive, a good dry sense of humour, and understands English quite well. As for his mum, she's saving my sanity.
DP kicked off again slightly the night they arrived - about a clash between DD wanting to watch Skins, and DP having offered the boy the sofa bed. They were quite happy to share the spare room, but he felt undermined & embarrassed that I countermanded the sofa bed. He started swearing at me but I stopped him mid-stride and reminded him that that was the sort of behaviour that landed him in court. He did stop, and apologised, but we really got nowhere and he slept on the sofa. He did it again last night, despite saying he'd come to bed - and he'd drunk nearly two bottles again. I got up at 6am and found his friend in the kitchen. She's so sweet that I poured it all out over a cup of tea & she was very supportive. She's known him about 30 years now, & agreed with me that he's using DD as a focus for his own frustrations with work and the huge commitment he's taken on. It's just so unfair to put it all on DD. He's never really had a relationship that's lasted this long, and deep down, I think he's afraid of commitment. It's like a test. He's getting older and probably wonders how we will manage as his work will always be uncertain. And he seems to resent DD being around as he says he doesn't feel at home here and is looking forward to going away in two weeks.
Part of me agrees - when he goes, we can go back to brief visits and some of the romance will return. But life just isn't like that - the honeymoon is over and I just want us to work on the long-term strategy.
His friend suggested he really needs help - she said ADs helped her a few years back, when she was going through a traumatic patch - or just some counselling to help him put things in perspective.
Guess I should be shooting over to the step-parenting thread .
This morning he shuffled off to bed whilst we were in the kitchen, and was dozing when I left for work. For the first time ever, I didn't kiss him or say goodbye. Just left
And to cap it all, his hideous BIL is planning to visit again the weekend of the Cup Final. DD and I will NOT be there.