Do I sleep with him?

[fancycat56473]

I (F47) have 3 beautiful children whose father I am amicably divorced from for about 3 years. I recently attended a party and met a lovely gentleman who I will call Paul (fake name) we enjoyed a kiss at the end of the night and he has expressed an interest in seeing me again.....

He seems unwilling to want to go out somewhere e.g a bar or restaurant, and wants me to go over to his house instead. This feels rather forward and he has insinuated that we would have sex. While he is a lovely guy, he is significantly younger than me (24) 😱. From our conversations he does seem to want to be involved in my kids life though - he is not looking to have any of his own.

Please advise. thanks.

No normal 24 year old man would be interested in the lives of your 3 children. He either thinks you are stupid enough to fall for that line, or he is really dodgy.

Having said that, the use of the word gentleman makes me think this is made up. You are meant to be 47, not 87!

It is my opinion that a large number people don't really become adults until their late 20s these days. Don't insult your kids by introducing them to a kid. You deserve more than someone who wants to skip the effort and go straight to the sex. The red flags are strong with this one - so much so that I questioned whether this was real.

Update........

Firstly, thank you all for your constructive and valuable advice. I owe you all an update...

But first, some context: I was 22 when I met my future husband, he was 43, and had 2 children already. I saw the parallels immediately so I assumed it could play out in a similar way. We went on to have three beautiful children and 19 years of happy marriage. I hope this begins to explain my initial reasoning.

I did not sleep with the gentleman. I explained my thoughts to him and he understood and was very respectful. Regardless of the accusations that he is a 'conman' or 'just a kid' he is not, we have continued to date, and while he has not yet met my children (although he is my son's rugby coach😅) we are making positive steps towards this goal.

Thanks again all.

Best wishes,

FancyCat56473

As lovely as that sounds @fancycat56473

I would be immediately worried about any man who is already known to and involved with my children, wanting to get closer to me (and them), particularly when he is saying from the beginning he wants to be involved in their lives.

Please examine the context; did he know you were your son’s mother prior to approaching you at this party? Or complete fluke that he is already closely involved with your son? Please be very very careful that there are no ulterior motives.

I would say this to anyone dating any man of any age who is already the child’s teacher and will potentially gain access to that child’s home via a relationship with you.

You cannot help that he is your sons rugby coach but hold your horses in introducing him to your children, for goodness sake! It is waaayyy too soon for that.

Ps this is not to say that you aren’t lovely and worthy of a relationship - I’m sure you are.

But it is very peculiar for a man to say early on in a relationship when he hasn’t even “met” the children that he wants to be involved in their lives.

And it becomes strikingly bizarre whenever you mention that he is already tutoring your child and known to him.

It’s waving a lot of red flags for me as to the appropriateness of his intentions.

OP it's gone from your first post where he didn't want to go to bars/restaurants but wanted you to go to his house, to now you're dating and he's hugely respectful

He doesn't want to go out with you.

He's not interested in meeting anyone you know.

He's not interested in your children.

He does want you to go to his house.

Not difficult to work out his intentions, is it?

Where are your boundaries?! It’s quite concerning how you’re drawing parallels, making assumptions and already got the rose tinted glasses on! Take a step back!

he doesn’t need to know your kids (albeit granted he knows your son).

So many alarm bells I can’t believe you can’t hear them!!

If you're just after sex and he's just after sex, why not!

If you want something serious... barge pole.

So now you’re dating is he ok to be seen in public with you?

I’m assuming this is a joke
From your original post of 8 DAYS ago , you are now ‘making positive steps towards the goal of him meeting your children ‘

Age is irrelevant in this context .

Why not!

From our conversations he does seem to want to be involved in my kids life though

And yet he doesn't want to go for a date, ?!? 🤔

If the poster was a 47yo father of 3 saying he'd met a 23yo woman would the comments be quite so encouraging?

Sexual predation is a majority male phenomenon.

I don't think this young man is likely to get abused, hurt, used etc. Quite the opposite, I imagine.

He's after easy, filthy sex with a milf, end of.

The opposite scenario would be unlikely.

I saw the parallels immediately so I assumed it could play out in a similar way.

Presumably neither of you had kids.

You have 3, he has none,; and it's unlikely you'd be able to have his kids.
He'll say he's not bothered about his own now, but he will be in future. It's Demi - Ashton. (And they were exceptional to even have a serious LTR before they broke up).

The kids thing makes a massive difference.

Also you'd have to be very naive to think that older male- younger female relationships are parallel with older female - younger male relationships.

I wouldn't be introducing him to your kids - bar the unavoidable rugby coaching - it's not fair on them, he's very very unlikely to get into an ltr. And it's probably uncomfortable that he's so young. Their mates will be giving them terrible stick about it if they realise you're involved with the much younger coach; they'll be saying "uncharitable" things.

In just one week - amazing!

Does anyone really believe this? 24 year old rugby coach wants to date 47 year old mother of 5. Yes 5 she reckons she had two children prior to ex H who she then went onto have three more children with. 5 out of 10 for effort OP😂

Also ‘gentleman’ 😂

While he is a lovely guy, he is significantly younger than me (24) 😱. From our conversations he does seem to want to be involved in my kids life though - he is not looking to have any of his own.

Please tell me you're not naive enough to believe this?

Sounds like he just wants the older woman notch on his bedpost. People are always 'lovely' when they want something. You'll just be a sexual experience to tell his mate's about.

From our conversations he does seem to want to be involved in my kids life though

Eh??!! If a friend of yours told you a guy she'd met once and kissed had told her this what would you say? He's either saying it because he thinks it will get him a shag, or he has sinister intentions towards your children.

Otherwise, you can have casual no-strings sex with whomever you want but I wouldn't choose my first experiment post divorce to be with a 24 year old who couldn't be bothered to take me for a drink first.

There's no evidence he wants to explore a proper relationship with you, don't be fooled into thinking he might.

Doesn’t want to take you out on a date but happy for you to go to his house for sex? If you’re happy with that then go for it but just know he probably isn’t looking for more than that. Who after 1 snog shows an interest in being in someone’s kids life’s?…. Someone who is telling you what you want to hear to get you to go to his house for sex! He’s hoping you're desperate enough to fall for it

Indeed, can you imagine a 23 yo woman pursuing easy filthy sex with a 47 yo father of 3? 😂

Well, I'm sure many 47 yo can imagine that, but it will be stuck in their imaginations (and possibly porn) - not reality!

It surely has to be. It's ridiculous...

Actually it does come across as being a fantasy