Dragged by husband

[notanothernamechange12]

So not to drip feed I will i clude full story but short version is husband physically dragged me out if bed this morning after screaming at me and trying to push me out of bed. He also did this weird squeexing thing before that as was clearly angry at me. I'm left feeling really confused about it all as we have been together a decade and nothing like this has happened before

It was meant to be my turn to get up but I am on new medication which kept me up most of the night so I said I needed him to get up with the two kids. He felt this was unfair and got angry when I basically refused

We are both tired after a very challenging year with older child and new baby I only had two weeks mat leave so he has had to do a lot more with this baby than our first we have a equal split of most childcare and house stuff so dont know if this was just him at the end of his tether

We haven't spoken about it at all and only spoken today about kids when needed and mostly avoided each other

Oh op I’m so sorry that sound like a really horrible experience. Obviously he is totally out of order and has crossed a really serious line by getting physical with you and screaming at you.

Are you scared of him?

I think you need a serious talk with him and to decide how to move forward. It can’t happen again.

I was scared this morning but not now. He has never been physical with me in ten years so this is my fault isn't it. It's why I haven't brought it up as if I had just pushed through somehow and got up it wouldn't have happened

No. It's absolutely not your fault.

He may have been cross, you may even have been in the wrong (though it doesn't sound like it) but his being violent, because that is what he was, is categorically NOT your fault, it is his.

OP, that's domestic violence and not your fault, not at all. Squeezing, pushing and dragging you are lines that can never be uncrossed. You're ill and exhausted and have young children; abusive people become openly abusive when their partners are vulnerable and trapped. That's why he's doing it now and not before. He needs to leave. You deserve so much better.

Squeexing?

It’s never to be assaulted no matter the circumstances. As it’s a one off in what sounds like a stressful situation, I’d expect him to be talking fast, not avoiding it.

This is NOT your fault he got physical with u. I understand his frustration thinking it was your turn BUT this does not mean he should have behaved in this way. Call him.out about this.

Oh, and you should ask MNHQ to move this thread to Relationships; there will be more support and advice there.

Yeah like he was in bed next to me so put his arms around me and was squeezing me whilst shouting at me was a bit odd and if I am honest I feel hazy about the whole thing as was so groggy

And then when that did work he tried pushing me out of bed then got up was shouting more at me and then dragged me

Leave op.

Something I would never put up with is physical violence. I could live like that.
There would be no coming back from this for me. You will always live in fear of him doing it again.

Didn't work*

Have asked mumsnet to move

He has never been physical with me in ten years so this is my fault isn't it. It's why I haven't brought it up as if I had just pushed through somehow and got up it wouldn't have happened

NO NO NO NO NO
It wasnt and never will be your fault if someone us getting physically violent against you. He had the choice to react in many other ways. And he chose not to.
And btw, him actually taking in 50% of childcare and HW isn’t a good enough reason to physically attack you either.

Having said that

The medication you are taking is having very negative effects on you. I think you need to have a review with your GP.

You need to decide what are your next steps. MN will tell to LTB. I think you’ll find reasons excuses for him so you can stay.
In that case, if the issue is that he is overwhelmed and can’t cope, HE needs to go and see his GP about it. The answer should not automatically be that he is doing less - unless you can bring help in (childcare, cleaners etc…)
He needs to fully apologise about what happened and take responsibility for what he did.
If he isn’t doing any of that, he is telling you he’ll have no issue becoming violent again when things do t go his way.

The squeezing sounds very dangerous.

Police. He assaulted you.

It's new medication so they won't review until it has been a month

I just asked him if he would sleep on the couch and he said "why" I said you know why" then he just got into bed so I am going to sleep downstairs. He is pretending nothing has happened

He has never been physical with me in ten years so this is my fault isn't it

No!
It's his fault if he hurt you.

Squeezing you?
It sounds more as if he was crushing you. That will affect your breathing, and possibly break ribs.
Is he much bigger than you?
I really think you must call the police.
I'm so sorry this is happening.

Police
Asap

I can't believe some on here are minimising this

This is horrific

Doesn't matter why he did it, or how tired he is, there is never any excuse to physically assult you

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

He should be behind bars right now for assaulting you, and he should be banned from the home.

I'm another who is shocked how nonchalant some pp are reacting to this. He tried to squeeze/crush clearly in order to make you move, then he pushed and then dragged you out of bed. WTAF.

I don't care if you've been with him for 30 years and nothing like this has ever happened, this should be a deal breaker. Who the fuck knows what he's capable of next.

Not your fault and you should be kicking him out now.