Dragged by husband

[notanothernamechange12]

So not to drip feed I will i clude full story but short version is husband physically dragged me out if bed this morning after screaming at me and trying to push me out of bed. He also did this weird squeexing thing before that as was clearly angry at me. I'm left feeling really confused about it all as we have been together a decade and nothing like this has happened before

It was meant to be my turn to get up but I am on new medication which kept me up most of the night so I said I needed him to get up with the two kids. He felt this was unfair and got angry when I basically refused

We are both tired after a very challenging year with older child and new baby I only had two weeks mat leave so he has had to do a lot more with this baby than our first we have a equal split of most childcare and house stuff so dont know if this was just him at the end of his tether

We haven't spoken about it at all and only spoken today about kids when needed and mostly avoided each other

'Have a chat' with the man who squeezed, pushed and dragged his unwell wife out of bed?

OP I'm so sorry. I really hope you're ok. My husband did almost exactly the same to me under very similar circumstances a few months ago, except he also dragged me all the way down the stairs as well as out of bed, in front of my DD. I was so scared I called the police and he was arrested.

I decided not to press charges and have taken him back (on the condition that he gets help for his behaviour, which he is doing), but it's been very difficult to come to terms with and forgive. I think I'm traumatised by it, and he tore my shoulder muscle so I'm struggling with pain every day.

Your post has really upset and triggered me because it's so similar to what happened to me. Please keep posting here for advice and reach out to Women's Aid or your health visitor if you feel you need to. He really needs to acknowledge what he's done and take responsibility for it. I'm so sorry.

You have to ask yourself if a man who acts like this should be around small, defenceless children?

@notanothernamechange12

Did you really mean "I only had two weeks mat leave"?!!

How can this be - you must be absolutely exhausted. Also he's behaving very harshly to you whilst you are so unwell - and assaulting you too. I'm sorry this is happening to you OP and, before too long, you will need to address how he's behaving towards you when you need help most. 🌹

Yes I work for myself so it's all I could afford to take without losing long term clients

@notanothernamechange12 Oh no, that's him trying to minimise what he's done by playing what I call "The Let's Pretend I Never Did Anything Wrong" game. I have experience of it and it's a sign they do not feel any remorse and do not want to change for the better. He thinks you'll give in and paly it too but please don't! Contact Women's Aid as what he did was physical violence as well as emotional abuse and if you let him get away with it, he'll get worse! He has NO excuse! I bet you're absolutely exhausted and stressed but you haven't attacked him, have you? No! So, put your own and your children's safety and wellbeing first OP, talk to WA and I do think you should consider involving the police. He needs to be made leave or you and your children need to go somewhere safe!
I'm so sorry OP!

@notanothernamechange12 They're often sorry and ashamed, at least for a while, sometimes even for years. The longer you keep letting them get away with it by pardoning them though, the less sorry and the less ashamed they become. In fact, when they regard you as being sufficiently ground down and disempowered, they usually end up doing the opposite and turn the blame on you. Look up Deny-Attack- Reverse Victim and Offender or DARVO for short! This can happen quite rapidly, like they turn on a sixpence!
You're in shock and exhausted now but PLEASE contact Women's Aid today whilst he's out of the house. I'm worried for you!

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

I appreciate you're confused but please listen to the lovely women of Mumsnet who have been through this.

When speaking with your husband next please use the words violence and domestic abuse because that is what this is.

Do not accept this as your reality for the next 20, 30 or even 40 years. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better.