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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband masturbates next to me while I sleep.

118 replies

DazedAndConfusedHere · 31/12/2023 12:12

That’s it really. Throughout our relationship I have often woken up during the night to find him lying next to me masturbating.

I have always said I don’t like it. Not that he masturbates - we all do - but not while I’m lying next to him sleeping.

He continues to do it and doesn’t see a problem with it. We are having wider relationship issues at the moment, but even when things have been good he has still always done it.

Is this weird or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Jbrown76 · 31/12/2023 18:32

He ejaculated in your hair while you were sleeping?!

NewYearNewMeBullshit · 31/12/2023 18:34

Wouldn't bother me

CellarCaller · 31/12/2023 18:48

RainbowZebraWarrior · 31/12/2023 17:30

Aye it was subtle as a brick blatant fishing.

Show quote history

You couldn't be more wrong as I subsequently explained.

SnufflyBunny · 31/12/2023 19:34

@Terrribletwos no it wouldn't. I'd explain why but I'm not providing wank fodder 😂

Tartantatooes · 31/12/2023 19:43

@Whatineed

That was sexual assault to come in your hair . No wonder he's an ex! He sounds revolting. 🤮

Tinkleberryz · 31/12/2023 19:49

It’s a bit rude really. Can’t he go to the bathroom.

Alohapotato · 31/12/2023 19:49

DixonD · 31/12/2023 13:04

Wouldn’t bother me either.

We’re all different.

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same here but throwing the tissue under the bed and not picking it up to throw it that would make me very angry.

Universalsnail · 31/12/2023 19:51

I wouldn't mind if my DH did this BUT what is most important here is that you do mind and you have told your husband that you mind and he hasn't stopped. Because you have told him you don't like it you and you want him to stop but he hasn't then tbh this is sexually abusive

Tacotortoise · 01/01/2024 02:36

Wouldn't bother me as long as I wasn't being woken up. Sounds like you need your own bedroom.

Josette77 · 01/01/2024 03:34

I'd be mad at waking up. Not the masturbating.

Justfinking · 01/01/2024 05:31

I find that really grim, a one off maybe, but all the time. Gross.

Bature · 01/01/2024 05:42

Have you asked him why he continues doing it when he knows you don’t like it? Have you said you want it to stop? (I know ‘I don’t like it’ should be sufficient, but it appears not to have been, so have you categorically said ‘stop doing this, I find it disgusting?’)

Also, please tell me you’re not cleaning up the dirty tissue.

JanglingJack · 01/01/2024 05:45

VORE · 31/12/2023 14:10

This! I would say this is dangerously close to rape.

If my husband did this it would be divorce time asap.

Edited
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Dangerously close to rape?

Words fail me. What a terrible thing to say.

MaryHinges · 01/01/2024 05:52

Now if a man told his wife not to masturbate while he's in bed next to her he'd be called controlling and told to fuck off because its none of his business.

beachcitygirl · 01/01/2024 05:53

Is he hoping you'll join in?

autienotnaughty · 01/01/2024 06:01

I'd just say if you need to wank in the middle of the night go somewhere else you are waking me up ..

If he does it again I'd wait a few days then one night when he's asleep wake him by shaking him and then roll over and go to sleep. And keep doing it until he stops. (Or dump him for not respecting you)

Whatineed · 01/01/2024 06:37

MaryHinges · 01/01/2024 05:52

Now if a man told his wife not to masturbate while he's in bed next to her he'd be called controlling and told to fuck off because its none of his business.

Not if she was disturbing his sleep by shaking the bed so much it woke them, and leaving gunky tissues under the mattress.

TommyNever · 01/01/2024 06:45

I agree that this is icky, but so is sharing a bed with someone every night. I don't know why people do this if it's not strictly necessary.

Masturbating is not the only potentially irksome thing people do in bed. They also toss and turn, snore, fart, pick their noses, mumble in their sleep, get up to go the toilet etc.

Doing such things on your own in your own bed is fine. Having to put up with someone else doing them is pretty grim.

Woahyeahyeahyeah · 01/01/2024 07:09

Not me for Me OP 🤢 Nothing against masturbation at all! But there's absolutely no need to do it next you in the Bed. I find it quite disrespectful. DH did it once and it made me feel so awkward and alien in our own bed!

doitwithlove · 01/01/2024 07:14

I would be hacked off being woken up with this behaviour 🙈

Whyyoulyingfor · 01/01/2024 07:14

MaryHinges · 01/01/2024 05:52

Now if a man told his wife not to masturbate while he's in bed next to her he'd be called controlling and told to fuck off because its none of his business.

I don’t know any sane person who would respond like that if the genders were reversed! It’s still exactly the same.

Ladyj84 · 01/01/2024 07:17

Just to point out we all don't lol

squigglygiggly · 01/01/2024 07:31

RainbowZebraWarrior · 31/12/2023 13:16

For those saying it wouldn't bother then, that's not the point. The point is the OP has told him repeatedly she doesn't like it, yet he does it anyway.

Clear boundaries in a relationship are most important. Respect is everything.

What else would it be OK for someone to do sexually, when the partner has explicitly said they don't like something?

But it's not doing anything sexual to her. It's controlling demanding that she gets to say when he masturbates. No one gets to tell you what you can and can not do with your own^^ body. You've got this consent/abuse/control thing all the wrong way around. It is the OP who is being abusive. It's one thing to say you don't want sex. It's quite another to dictate what and when her partner can pleasure himself.

squigglygiggly · 01/01/2024 07:32

The waking the OP up and leaving tissues is not on though.

MaxTalk · 01/01/2024 07:41

What is he thinking about when he wanks?