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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband masturbates next to me while I sleep.

118 replies

DazedAndConfusedHere · 31/12/2023 12:12

That’s it really. Throughout our relationship I have often woken up during the night to find him lying next to me masturbating.

I have always said I don’t like it. Not that he masturbates - we all do - but not while I’m lying next to him sleeping.

He continues to do it and doesn’t see a problem with it. We are having wider relationship issues at the moment, but even when things have been good he has still always done it.

Is this weird or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 31/12/2023 14:21

I wouldn't mind either but it is something my partner and I discussed early in our relationship - he doesn't do it at all he says (did when he was single) but said he would be fine with me doing it in bed next to him while he was asleep or whatever so I sometimes do! If I didn't know for sure he was fine with this I would not do it.

I don't think it's the act itself that is the problem - the point is, you have asked him to stop so he ought to.

GothConversionTherapy · 31/12/2023 14:23

CellarCaller · 31/12/2023 13:47

As a man I agree that this is disrespectful and weird because the OP has asked him not to and she is being woken up.

I am however intrigued if any women masturbate secretly while their partner is asleep alongside them?
I'm guessing yes as women can do it much more discreetly.

Yeah you can fuck off now, cheers.

OP, he definitely sounds like he's doing this on purpose and it's so grim, I'm sorry.

CellarCaller · 31/12/2023 14:27

GothConversionTherapy · 31/12/2023 14:23

Yeah you can fuck off now, cheers.

OP, he definitely sounds like he's doing this on purpose and it's so grim, I'm sorry.

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You sound nice

HeraSyndulla · 31/12/2023 14:29

SnufflyBunny · 31/12/2023 12:28

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

Not me.

HeraSyndulla · 31/12/2023 14:30

HeraSyndulla · 31/12/2023 14:29

Not me.

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Nor me

GothConversionTherapy · 31/12/2023 14:31

CellarCaller · 31/12/2023 14:27

You sound nice

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You're the one trolling women's forums and asking them about their masturbation habits, that's not a nice thing to do. It's actually revolting, and yes you should fuck off.

radiatordrama · 31/12/2023 14:33

This is vile and abnormal

CellarCaller · 31/12/2023 14:37

GothConversionTherapy · 31/12/2023 14:31

You're the one trolling women's forums and asking them about their masturbation habits, that's not a nice thing to do. It's actually revolting, and yes you should fuck off.

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The thread is about masturbation, I was just trying to ascertain if both men and women did this occasionally. It's hardly a crime. I wasn't asking for descriptions.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 31/12/2023 14:40

Grimpo · 31/12/2023 14:15

Keep a jug of ice by the bed ready to pour the contents over his genitals next time he does it.

🤣👏👏

Thatswhy11 · 31/12/2023 14:40

@Opentooffers its not about man or woman. I thought most of us sleep better after masterbating? It's an unusual thing to do.... OP doesn't like it and she has voiced it.

Dashel · 31/12/2023 14:47

I would be sorely tempted to start hoovering in the bedroom when you can’t sleep or something else loud and annoying, Watching teletubbies or something and let him moan at you.

It sounds like there are bigger problems but I would not tolerate anyone including my DH doing that.

Previousreligion · 31/12/2023 15:00

I find it does help me sleep. If it helped DH sleep I wouldn't mind (assuming no other issues in the relationship) but I would expect him to keep quiet as it annoys me when DH wakes me up for any reason!

LaughingCat · 31/12/2023 15:01

SnufflyBunny · 31/12/2023 12:28

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

Me neither - better than waking me up in the hopes I’m turned on too (spoiler alert: I’m not going to be anything but grumpy if you wake me up in the middle of the night).

Sometimes, when you can’t get to sleep or your head starts racing in the middle of the night, a quiet orgasm by hand can really help to reset your brain to go to sleep. It’s like a natural serotonin relaxant. It wouldn’t bother me at all if I woke up to my DH doing that.

BCBird · 31/12/2023 15:10

It would bother me

Alargeoneplease89 · 31/12/2023 15:10

So, no one has woken their other half up masturbating or using a sex toy? Sometimes I can't sleep and it helps .. can hardly go and do it in the bathroom.

It's not generally every night, so don't see the problem. Is it much difference to snoring/ tossing and turning? Yes, he should clean up his tissue or get a bin.

Pinkbonbon · 31/12/2023 15:16

I got a laugh at thr poster saying he could sit in a chair at least.

I think it would be worse to wake up and see someone sitting in a chair wanking at me in the middle of the night 😆

manoffthelead · 31/12/2023 15:26

I was tempted to say, you could always lend a hand, but that's probably not as funny as I think it is. The real issue is that you have told him you do not like it and he persists. Perhaps make another direct request, that he refrains from it when you are there. If he ignores you then there are wider problems perhaps? Either way, he doesn't sound like much of a catch. New year coming up........
Good luck.

MrsElsa · 31/12/2023 15:33

Separate bedrooms. Or he can sleep on the sofa. Right now.

He is disgusting and grim and more worryingly, couldn't care less about your feelings or opinions. He feels entitled to do it regardless of what you might want. That is a huge red flag, I would bet he is like this with other areas of life as well.

Josette77 · 31/12/2023 15:33

Ilovelurchers · 31/12/2023 14:21

I wouldn't mind either but it is something my partner and I discussed early in our relationship - he doesn't do it at all he says (did when he was single) but said he would be fine with me doing it in bed next to him while he was asleep or whatever so I sometimes do! If I didn't know for sure he was fine with this I would not do it.

I don't think it's the act itself that is the problem - the point is, you have asked him to stop so he ought to.

Do you mean you discussed masturbating being allowed, or masturbating while the other one sleeps?

Tillybud81 · 31/12/2023 17:12

Woke up a few timea to my ex doing this, I didn't say anything but it gave me the massive ick

harerunner · 31/12/2023 17:22

Pugdays · 31/12/2023 12:58

I'd be sleeping elsewhere

No, I'd be making him sleep elsewhere!

RainbowZebraWarrior · 31/12/2023 17:30

TomatoSandwiches · 31/12/2023 14:02

I'm sure some women do, not sure what that has to do with the post though?

Seems like you are fishing for some wanking material yourself, there are other forums for that thank you 😒

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Aye it was subtle as a brick blatant fishing.

Laburnum1981 · 31/12/2023 17:44

God this is vile. I would never do this. If I want to masturbate and there was somebody asleep in bed next to me I’d go somewhere else and do it!

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2023 18:02

Mazuslongtoenail · 31/12/2023 13:10

For balance - another one here who wouldn’t be bothered. And he wouldn’t if the roles were reversed.

So you're asleep, the bed starts shaking and he's making noises. You then wake up.

You really wouldn't mind?

StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 18:08

It sounds as if it wakes you up. Being woken would bother me. Him doing it laying next to me would not bother me at all. I’ve done it laying next to a man l was sleeping with.

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