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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want my partner to leave the house after stealing from me

109 replies

Sandbaby · 31/12/2023 10:34

I’ve been a victim of long term financial abuse. The details and extent of this have only come to light recently.
I have asked him to move out for the sake of my emotional/mental wellbeing, but he has refused.
I am the sole owner of the house (title deeds) and we are not married or in a civil partnership.
What are my rights?
Thanks

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 31/12/2023 12:52

Does he admit the stealing?

agree with locking him out if he just steps out to the shops /pub. Have you got a male friend/family member who might be inclined to invite him for a pint to give you the opportunity today.

Mirabai · 31/12/2023 12:59

Itslegitimatesalvage · 31/12/2023 12:41

Call the police. Make it clear to them that you own the house, you are not married and he has no stake in the house. When they arrest him, they will have to bail him to a different property as you will have told them that he cannot enter your property. He is basically a lodger so you can kick him out. You can sort the bills out yourself with a crime reference number and explaining the situation. Any company who won’t allow you to switch, just keep escalating your complaint. The bills will just continue in his name and that will be his own fault for not giving you the info you need to switch. If he wants to run up debt then let him.

They won’t arrest him.

Mirabai · 31/12/2023 13:00

Unless she actually reports him for theft, but that’s a separate issue.

honeylulu · 31/12/2023 13:10

Does he go to work? Wait until he's out, change locks, bag up stuff and leave outside. If he comes back and kicks off outside call police. Repeat as necessary. Also report the thefts/financial abuse (these are separate matters but absolutely should be reported). Also report to banks particularly if you suspect he still has access.

Utilities - just tell the providers the bill payer has left the premises and you need new accounts in your own name.

House insurance - set up your own policy. His one is technically invalid as he does not have an insurable interest (does not own the property or a share of it and has not insured it as your "agent" because you did not permit him to do so). I'm a property insurance lawyer.

Hold your nerve and go for it.

Epidote · 31/12/2023 13:35

OP you don't have to take the bill form him. You need to do a new contract for the utilities and a new insurance. He can wipe his arse with his contracts and insurances once you set a new one.
Report the theft. Give him in a nice two week to go and change the locker.

Bananalanacake · 31/12/2023 13:47

Call the police about the theft if you haven't already.

Dj2020 · 31/12/2023 14:06

Phone the police and report the fraud and tell them you've asked him to leave and he isn't, that it's your house and you want him to leave. The utilities, call them and explain and they will sort it all for you I had all this with my ex.. some bills were in his name and the companies just changed them over to me. Definitely change the locks as soon as he is out I had a company come out within an hour after I explained the reason I was changing them.

Indifferentchickenwings · 31/12/2023 14:38

I think you need help OP

either from the police of from womens aid

write a short statement summarising the facts

ie
met in xx
financial abuse started in xx
notable incidents were …

it will help to have it all in black and white

good luck op
the law is in your side here

SickWithWorry123 · 31/12/2023 14:51

First of all you contact the Police and explain what's happened and ask them to remove him from YOUR house. Once he is out you can get a home insurance quote if you own and get this set up. Utility providers are open from Tuesday, call them and explain that you are now responsible for the property and you want to set up an account in your name, you do not need his log in details.

Pumpkinpie1 · 31/12/2023 14:51

Take meter readings today x

Codlingmoths · 31/12/2023 14:53

Like others say, call the police and ask for advice. Then once he’s left you call the suppliers and ask for the bills in your name.

Original poster
Sandbaby · 31/12/2023 16:43

Thank you all so much for taking the time to offer advice. I feel in a stronger postion aleady. I didn’t want to get into loads of detail online. But the ball is rolling as fromtomorrow. Appreciate all the support. X

OP posts:
Bullyfree · 31/12/2023 16:54

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MerryBlueberry · 31/12/2023 18:44

That’s great that things are in progress, good luck!

RedToothBrush · 31/12/2023 19:10

Oh and YOU aren't liable for any bills solely in his name. So if he refuses to pay them, don't be tempted to pay them for him. It's not your problem.

Original poster
Sandbaby · 31/12/2023 21:47

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Ridiculous and insensitive comment.

OP posts:
TheCurlyKnobhead · 31/12/2023 21:58

This reply has been deleted

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I'd put the glass down and go to bed, you've obviously had too much to drink making this comment

Bullyfree · 31/12/2023 22:33

Sober, sorry just resonates as I saw this happen my brother

barkymcbark · 01/01/2024 09:15

Write to him giving him a date to vacate the property, take a photo or copy of the letter/email.

Inform the police you've done so and ask for assistance on the day, and tell them he's already refused to move out. If he hasn't moved on the date you give him (I'd suggest 14 days), ring the police and they will remove him. Then change the locks. If he comes back phone the police, if he threatens you phone the police, if you feel unsafe phone the police. Time to play hard ball, it's your home and he has no right to be there if you don't want him to be.

StrawberryWater · 09/01/2024 10:40

@Sandbaby

Any update?

Original poster
Sandbaby · 09/01/2024 21:08

Police are now involved. Thanks all x

OP posts:
LadyLolaRuben · 09/01/2024 22:07

Well done for being strong and brave. We are are to support x

JFDIYOLO · 09/01/2024 23:43

All the best!

Milkandnosugarplease · 09/01/2024 23:56

And run a credit cheque. He may have run up debt against your home which is why he needs the address

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/01/2024 23:58

Has he moved out tho ?

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