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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want my partner to leave the house after stealing from me

109 replies

Sandbaby · 31/12/2023 10:34

I’ve been a victim of long term financial abuse. The details and extent of this have only come to light recently.
I have asked him to move out for the sake of my emotional/mental wellbeing, but he has refused.
I am the sole owner of the house (title deeds) and we are not married or in a civil partnership.
What are my rights?
Thanks

OP posts:
Ariela · 31/12/2023 11:25

With regard to the utility bills, take photos of the meter readings as of the day he moves out/you eject him.
Then, use these and advise the utility company that you are responsible from that date.

Original poster
Sandbaby · 31/12/2023 11:30

Beesandhoney123 · 31/12/2023 11:20

utility and house insurance.. Did the money come out of your account? If so call them. Just say he has left and unless they give you access then you'll have to cancel and re open. Point out its your house.

Council tax. Call them and say he has left/ been given 30 days notice and to drop your payments You don't know where he is going.

Tell him he has to leave. Call the police and ask for advice. If you think he might kick off or you just don't know, ask for help.

It goes without saying to change all your passwords immediately incl phone and laptop. Also, check your credit report for free on money expert ? You'll see if his name is on anything it shouldn't be. Take him off car insurance and if he drives it, call the police.

Why won't he go? Are you still talking?

Thanks for this…good advice. We are only talking through texts and he wont explain why he is refusing to leave.

OP posts:
Parentofeanda · 31/12/2023 11:31

any chance you can get him to leave the house AT all soon? shop or something? Then just lock the doors and leave the key in, then get a locksmith to change the locks. Bag up all of his stuff and chuck it out the windows

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 31/12/2023 11:35

Call the police and get home removed.

Where in the UK are you?
England/Wales or Scotland

How long is your relationship?

category12 · 31/12/2023 11:43

You could also protect your property a bit more by putting a Form LL restriction on your title and by setting up a property alert https://propertyalert.landregistry.gov.uk/

https://propertyalert.landregistry.gov.uk

festivetinseling · 31/12/2023 11:44

Just call the police, report the theft, and get them to turf him out.

You don't need login details for utility suppliers - ring them up and tell them that he was an abuser who has been removed from your home by the police. They should have procedures in place to deal with this sort of thing.

Maray1967 · 31/12/2023 11:46

Report to the police. Then contact council re council tax etc. Tell him he is leaving and he has no choice. You can check with the land registry in case he’s tried to do anything to your house title. You can also take out new house insurance yourself with a new provider so don’t let that stop you.

First step though is report to the police.

Gazelda · 31/12/2023 11:46

How long has he been living in your home? Do you have children together?

Have you reported the theft and financial abuse to the police? Have you spoken with Womens Aid about this?

Do you feel safe right now?

Mirabai · 31/12/2023 11:49

The normal course of action is to call the police. They won’t technically remove him from the property - but they will attend to “prevent a breach of the peace”, and essentially see he leaves.

Then you must change the locks immediately.

Mirabai · 31/12/2023 11:53

You don’t have to get into the utility accounts, simply notify the companies that you are are taking over the utilities with a new account. If you want to stay with the same company you set up your own account with them and switch. Or simply move to a new provider.

As regards home insurance, the simplest thing would be to set up your own account with a different company.

Peoplemakemedespair · 31/12/2023 11:53

Grimpo · 31/12/2023 11:14

That's not what happens in England, if that is where OP is.

Show quote history

I’m in England and it’s exactly what I’ve just done for a client to to get someone out of her house who refused to leave. She tried just phoning the police first, but going by their own officers they are reluctant to get involved without the ejection order. They do have leeway though and it goes by individual circumstances. If the op tells them about the abuse then they’re more likely to be proactive without a court order. I’ve been told off the record that it can be better for people in these circumstances to take the matter into their own hands (change locks when they’re out etc), rather than go down the court/police route

TempyBrennan · 31/12/2023 11:53

Some good advice here but first password you should change is your email password - likely what he’s used to gain access and adjust so you need him out of that bit before you start doing the rest!

RedToothBrush · 31/12/2023 11:55

Sandbaby · 31/12/2023 11:10

Thanks. The utility bills and house insurance are in his name and he has refused to give me the log in details in order for me to take on all the bills.

Show quote history

You don't need them. Take a meter reading. Submit to company with your details as if you are moving into the house. He will get a final bill.

Nicole1111 · 31/12/2023 12:00

Have you got a male friend or relative who can come over to be with you? They can explain they are there to support you with calling the police to report theft and a refusal to leave a property not owned by them. I’d like to think he’d get packing in that situation as men like that typically only victimise women. If he leaves get him to hand his key over to whoever is with you.
Then you can get working through a list of all the utilities contacting them to put everything in your name.

Mama2six · 31/12/2023 12:00

With my ex I called the police and told them I don’t know if he will kick off as he is refusing to leave my house, they came and waited until he left and took my keys off him and told him to leave and not come back. Once he is out block him everywhere and get on the phone to everyone you need to and explain and make sure everything is in your name. Do it today though and make sure your important personal belonging are safe and when the police know let them know he stole from you and have it recorded

Nonimai · 31/12/2023 12:01

Does he work? I would personally change the locks before he does it to you. Ie tomorrow, as soon as he is out. Get your house paperwork together and keep with a relative for the moment.

Flopsythebunny · 31/12/2023 12:07

Take out some building and contents insurance today as the one he has is likely to be invalid. He cannot insure something that he doesn't have an insurable interest in.

MerryBlueberry · 31/12/2023 12:12

Take out new house insurance, contact the utility and tell them. You can also just sign up with a new provider and they’ll cancel the old one. Must happen all the time when people move house.
Report the theft and get the locks changed the second he leaves for any reason. Does he work? Send your passport and anything valuable to a friend or relative in case he tries to lock you out/steal documents

Coolblur · 31/12/2023 12:17

Good advice here. You have all the rights as you own the house, he has none. Don't try to do this nicely because you're scared of the fall out, all that will happen then is you'll be stuck with him for longer, and he'll get worse because he thinks he's untouchable.

All the bills, etc. are straightforward to sort out, if inconvenient and time-consuming, so don't be distracted by that.

Tell him to leave, preferably with someone as 'back up' there with you. If he goes, change the locks. If he kicks off, call the Police.
If he refuses to leave, as others have said, call the Police. Or wait til he's out, then change the locks. If he kicks off when he realises he's locked out, call the Police.
Obviously, you'll have to be ready to do the lock change, so go and buy new ones.
After he's gone block him on everything and do not engage with him. This will help you get back on top mentally, and mean he can't try to worm his way back in. If you still have some of his stuff try to get someone to act as a go-between (not a family member or good friend of his) to arrange collection.
Hopefully he'll go quietly when he realises it's happening whether he likes it or not. If he doesn't he's going to get arrested.
Whatever you do, stay safe and get him out of your life for good.

Bestyearever2024 · 31/12/2023 12:21

Report the theft to the police on 101

Get a crime number

Change the utility bills and any other bills to your name by simply going online or calling and explaining that Mr Theiving Man has left and you need new contracts in your name

When he goes out get an emergency locksmith round immediately, locks changed, his belongings into black bags onto driveway/garden

Any threats ring the police and quote the crime number and ask them to come round and sort him out

wronginalltherightways · 31/12/2023 12:28

Police. Report the theft.

Ask them to help get him out.

StaunchMomma · 31/12/2023 12:37

Do you have any proof? A call to Women's Aid would be a good start for advice. You may need to report him to the Police for the theft in order to get some help.

I really think you need to do this ASAP and not let him off for it. He clearly thinks he can walk all over you and he is more likely to continue to try to mess with you when he is out of the house if you don't have the Police on side.

Does he work? If so, can you pack his things while he's out and get an emergency locksmith round?

Do you have any friends or family members you can get round? The shame of others knowing what he's done might move this along.

You need to speak to your bank and order a new card etc in the meantime - he could be trying to get his hands on more of your money right now, knowing he'll be forced out soon.

It's your house, OP. He has zero rights to be in it without your permission. You just need to assert yourself and get the ball rolling. I know that won't be easy but it IS necessary.

You'll get lots of support and advice here.x.

MadeForThis · 31/12/2023 12:40

Don't give him more power than he has.

Set up new accounts in your name. He will be liable for any bills that he has set up in his name.

Phone the police and report the fraud and that he refuses to leave.

If you are communicating via text, has he made any threats? If so show the police.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 31/12/2023 12:41

Call the police. Make it clear to them that you own the house, you are not married and he has no stake in the house. When they arrest him, they will have to bail him to a different property as you will have told them that he cannot enter your property. He is basically a lodger so you can kick him out. You can sort the bills out yourself with a crime reference number and explaining the situation. Any company who won’t allow you to switch, just keep escalating your complaint. The bills will just continue in his name and that will be his own fault for not giving you the info you need to switch. If he wants to run up debt then let him.

LadyLolaRuben · 31/12/2023 12:44

An unwelcome person in a home you own needs to leave or be removed by the police. Change the locks ASAP.

You're the homeowner so need to insure your home. Get a policy online arranged ASAP. Its quick and easy. He doesn't own the house - its nothing to do with him. If he wants to insure other people houses that's up to him wasting his money.

Once he's gone if he wants to continue paying utilities that again is up to him. You can sort that on Tuesday by calling each one of them.