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Original poster

Do you still have long-standing friends?

97 replies

EmmaEmerald · 30/12/2023 16:41

Question for those of us who are old enough...do you still have friends from 20 - 25 years ago?

If so, did they keep in touch reasonably often?

Thanks.

OP posts:
category12 · 30/12/2023 16:47

Yes, I've got a couple of mates from school and uni who keep in touch. One I chat with regularly and the others much more infrequently.

SirChenjins · 30/12/2023 16:50

Yes, my oldest friends are my school friends from more than 40 years ago. We meet every few months and message in between then.

MissHavershamReturns · 30/12/2023 16:51

Yes and yes but others have fallen by the wayside

DeeCeeCherry · 30/12/2023 16:51

YES. I'm 60. 4 close friends. 1 since 1960s, another since my early teens, 1 I met via work when I was 17, the other when I was on a family holiday in the Caribbean aged 24. The last one although I've known her the shortest time, is actually my closest friend in terms of how I feel, and is Godmother to my DCs. Yes, Im in touch with all regularly. Births Deaths Marriages good times bad times, my friends have been there for me and vice versa.

Owlcat42 · 30/12/2023 16:53

I’m in my 50s and have a bunch of friends i’ve known for 25-30 years. A couple live fairly close and i see them every week or so. The others it varies from seeing them around once a month to once a year. I feel incredibly lucky to have them all.

Doggymummar · 30/12/2023 16:53

I have one on FB from 40 yes ago but he haven't spoken in person since secondary school, she lives in Canada. Other than that it's mainly me and oh, not much of one for socialising

BeaRF75 · 30/12/2023 16:53

Yes, several friends I have known for over 40 years (some nearer 50). Live in a wide spread of places, but always keep in touch and meet up when we can. Friends are the most important people we have in our lives.

auntyElle · 30/12/2023 16:55

No, none. It always sounds lovely.

theduchessofspork · 30/12/2023 16:56

Yes, one from infant school - so that’s 45 years. She still lives near to where I grew up as does one of my siblings so that’s how we never lost touch. We drifted a wee bit but more in touch now (teen/20s kids so in that midlife reboot stage)

Plus a bunch from university 30 years ago, we tend to do weekends away. A couple of v close friends in this group, a handful of good ones, and a few acquaintances. Never lost touch with the closest ones.

Then one v close flat share friend from 25 years ago. We’ve drifted a bit, not massively, but I am planning to make more of an effort with him.

blackpanth · 30/12/2023 16:56

Yes

Delphinepony · 30/12/2023 16:56

I have one friend from when i was 14. We grew apart for a while with different life choices, but always exchanged Christmas and birthday cards. She came to my wedding. We got more in touch after about ten years and now see each other regularly due to a shared hobby.
I also have a handful of friends from when we had small children.
I have lots of people that I call friends that are possibly what other people would call aquaintances. Nobody is really 'best friend' close but never short of someone to have a coffee, go for a walk or see a film with.

HappiestSleeping · 30/12/2023 16:57

Yes, several friends from school, and then others who I have met along the way. Some I see more regularly than others, but I could go for a beer with any of them and it would be like we saw each other yesterday.

squashi · 30/12/2023 16:58

I'm in my 50s and have quite a few good friends I've known for 20-25 years, including friends from uni and people I worked with in my 20s. Amazing how fast that length of time goes by!

CreationNat1on · 30/12/2023 16:58

Yes, have maintained some school friends. But only a handful, same with Uni. The friendships tend to dip and wane and then become a bit more solid again.

Diverging life paths can create friction, even children of different ages and stages impacts on friendships.

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/12/2023 17:00

One of my most beloved friends I met when we were 11, so 29 years ago.

We largely lost touch through our 20s but reconnected in our 30s and he and his lovely partner are two of mine and DH's very favourite people to spend time with.

I'm in lighter social media touch with a few others from school, but not as close, I wouldn't necessarily mention when I'm going to be in their city like I do with the above friend.

PermanentTemporary · 30/12/2023 17:03

Im 54. 3 primary/secondary school friends i see in 2 different configurations, then a group of 6 uni friends. I meet up with all of them a couple of times a year each, active WhatsApp, go to family events etc. I have other old friends that I'm in less frequent/ Facebook only type contact.

RedVanYellowVan · 30/12/2023 17:07

One friend of over 50 years, we started infant school together. Message a few times a year and try to meet up each summer. One friend from secondary school, we message quite often and have proper catch ups when we can. A bit more than usual at the moment as she is having a family crisis so I'm checking in.

Another friend from when our DCs were all small. They are all adults now, we enjoy going out without them and all the child paraphernalia.

My mother had a bbf for nearly 85 years. Childhood neighbours to into their 90s.

GreenMarigold · 30/12/2023 17:07

I’m 41. I lost touch with my best friend from school about 8 years ago. I have no other friends from school or uni. My other friends I’ve made in the last 10 years since having children.

WolvesDiscoandBoogaloo · 30/12/2023 17:14

Yes, I've had friends for that long. I'm seeing a lot of them for new year.

I'm in a big friendship group and we make time to hang out quite regularly. So it's easy to keep in touch. Plus I find knowing a lot of people means you meet a lot of other people.

I've got a few I've known 25 years, some 20, 15, and then some a few years.

I've only known these people during my adult life though. I really struggled to make friends at school. I'm not close friends with anyone I knew before the age of 16.

adviceatthislatestage · 30/12/2023 17:17

I have a school friend from when we were 11/12 (so 45 years ago)! We bonded over music and being proper shorties in terms of height. She's local to me and we see each other every couple of months for coffee/lunch/ cinema etc- in fact saw her yesterday. Text often though.

Two friends met at work late 80s. Gone the whole cycle of going out after work on a Friday, to boyfriends/parthers/husbands/ and having children. We have all lost our fathers and are dealing with mums who have variious illnesses / conditions etc.

We are scattered around but meet up every 3/4 months for dinner in London (easy for all of us)

Lastly two mum friends from when DD was in nursery. So 26 years now. Texts/ coffee and occasional dinner.

Don't call any of them BFF but we all manage to pick exactly where we left off.

dressedforcomfort · 30/12/2023 17:18

1 friend from infant school, 1 secondary school friend, a couple of girlfriends I lived with in my 20's. We're now scatted across the U.K. (and 1 overseas so probably only speak a few times a year to each of them.) However, when you've known someone 30+ years, the friendship becomes fairly resistant to long pauses.

Ilovelurchers · 30/12/2023 17:18

I have one guy I have been friends with since a toddler (I'm 45) - he's male and I am female, both married so we don't tend to meet much these days as it might be a bit weird for our spouses (even tho it has only ever been platonic - to be honest I find the thought of sex or even kissing him repulsive, like incest), but we do message sometimes with life news and just broadly keep in touch, which our spouses know and are happy with.

No close school friends - lots I see on Facebook, and a few I message from time to time but that's all.

I also have a close friend from Uni - a gay man I would at one point have described as my best friend but that has drifted. We still message fairly often and meet maybe every couple of years?

Then my next most recent friend is from my first ever job, so about 2i'4 years ago. She and I are very close - message almost daily and meet as often as we can, tho we live a ways apart. She was my bridesmaid and is like a sister to me.

All other friends are more recent. I have two other girlfriends in particular I am very close to - one I have known well for about 6 years, one for 3. Met both in different work places.

The last three women I mentioned are my three best friends.

Original poster
EmmaEmerald · 30/12/2023 17:21

Thanks everyone

I'm surprised by the replies nearly all saying yes

But being the only childfree one has knocked me out of some friendships, I think

When your friends have children, you know they will vanish into the early years and when you do see them, their kids will be ....well, maybe not badly behaved exactly but....being the way children often are allowed to behave these days.

What I didn't expect was that their kids would get to be teens and I'd just become a name on a Christmas message list.

@theduchessofspork You mention a midlife reboot stage, is that a thing? I have reason to believe that's coming from a couple of people but I think that I won't be keen to meet. My oldest friend I haven't seen for six years now.

Too much time has passed. I suppose I'm wondering if I might have regrets but if someone who can drive over in an hour hasn't come by, or invited you, for six years, it's over isn't it. They have zero interest in me and my life.

OP posts:
Colourmylife1 · 30/12/2023 17:24

I have known my closest friends for 54 years. We are in constant contact and try to holiday together every year. I have other close friends from university over 40 years ago. I also do have some newer friends!

elfintinsel · 30/12/2023 17:29

Yes, yesterday my girls and I were at a party with my friends of 25 years and their families.
Dh wasnt there as he was meeting his friends. They have been friends since nursery in the early 80's!
Both sets of these friends are so long standing they are practically family at this point!
They have been by our sides through almost all major life events: Uni, graduation, marriage, first home babies through to teens and menopause!