Did I overreact by cancelling this Xmas date?

[WitheringTights000]

Hi all,

Just wanted some advice. I've been out of the dating game for quite some time and really don't know if I am overreacting!

I am 31 years old, first time using dating apps.

I arranged to go on a date with a guy from Tinder on 29th December.

We had been chatting on Tinder for a while and then exchanged numbers. My WhatsApp profile photo can only be seen by my contacts due to privacy settings. When he whatsapped me, I saved his number.

My what's app photo is me on holiday in a bikini but it is not in the slightest a raunchy photo, (I'm sitting down, so no bum hanging out and no visible cleavage etc)

Also, I actually showed my elderly grandmother the photo when showing her my holiday snaps, so it's pretty PG.

Anyway this guy said to me 'well you can't be all innocent with a photo like that, you look amazing btw'

I said it's just a holiday photo etc, and he said 'so you are telling me you are innocent then'

I asked him what he meant and he said he is trying to draw out a response from me etc

I said thanks for saving me the bother and showing me what you are looking for, I don't do casual etc and he said ' I wasn't suggesting casual' and that he is looking to date etc.

So I did agree initially to go on a date on 29th Dec, but what he has said has irritated me a bit. Why even ask am I innocent etc?

I have been thinking about it and Due to that comment I have now cancelled that date, I am genuinely going out with friends now instead and told him I'm going out now.

He has asked for another date though and I'm not sure what to do.

I've been out of the game for a while, never done OLD before. The last person I dated was introduced to me by a friend. I'm just wondering am I being hyper vigilant / too sensitive and looking for problems were there aren't any.

Advice much appreciated on a slightly hungover Boxing Day!

Ah come on I'm sure it's just a lovely, sunny, happy pic of OP on holiday where she happens to be in her bathers. What's wrong with that? I doubt many people are going to put something super sexy and revealing on their WhatsApp for all their family and colleagues to see.

I would be with you OP. He could have pulled it round and made clear he meant nothing by it but made it you overreacting. I have done a lot of dating and men turning the convo sexual that early are not a good use of your time unless you just want sex too.

Don't take it personally. I doubt your picture has changed his mind, he was most likely in the market for casual anyway whether he fully realised it or not and he's just slipped out with it quicker than he otherwise would have.

@Namechange4234 - not at all. I'm sure Mumsnet can verify that.

I think the OP doth protest too much.

You are using very emotive language when nobody has said anything beyond a bikini photo as a profile pic, whether it be seen by random men you met on Tinder, or your female work colleagues, seems an unusual and yes, unwise choice. I think you are just wanting an argument.

You had cancelled the date on the 29th because he gives you the ick. Why are you going to give him another date? Just leave it.

So NOT a PBP?🤣

Then you are shaming this guy yet dont appreciate being shamed yourself

Hmmmm 🤪

It's not an "Xmas date" on the 29th of December. And a bikini photo is not appropriate for WhatsApp.

I posted on here to get some advice about dating and some posters made very snide, bitchy comments, think it was a tad OTT.

Hardly looking for an argument @Muchof

@Namechange4234 - perhaps it is you who is a PBP as you seem to have changed your username haha

I wanted to add that this man is almost 15 years older than me.....so perhaps this makes the innocent comment even more creepy.

Yuck! Stay away from the old letches just looking for younger women.

Yes that makes is much creepier - that comment would near my teeth itch. 🤢

Its not the "innocent" word totally for me, although bad enough

It's that the whole "you can't be all innocent" sounds a little too close for "she was wearing a short dress so she was asking for it" to be

Like you would have to justify it if you didn't want sex on the first date because after all, you wear a bikini so you can't be "all innocent" after all

Creepy

That’s how it reads to me as well

Thats reason I don’t do pre meet sexting with OLD potential dates. They see it as a green light that we’re up for sex from the off. I’d rather meet and see how we get on first without being on first date with them counting the time until they get a guaranteed shag at the end of the night.

@Neitheronethingnortheother - yes this is what has made me feel icky but I have struggled to put it into words on this thread. Like saying im asking for it or something

A bikini photo is not appropriate to use when you’re messaging a stranger, particularly of the opposite sex.

Be honest, what would you think if his WhatsApp photo was him in a pair of speedos?

As soon as they get your number they start to behave like this .
No def move on . Jeeze you would think they had never seen a female before .
Like you say he’s not looking to date he is out to see what he can get .

lol at bikini photo showing no bum and no tits

A guy I knew vaguely 25 years ago asked me out in a date and we exchanged numbers. Within 3 days he messaged saying he was feeling very horny and not sure he should meet me as he'd always fancied me.!

Why do they do this? He's late 50s with 2 daughters, so either he doesn't know how to speak to women or he does but just thought he'd push it and see if I'm up for it.

You're right to cancel, if they do this before even going on a date then it'll only get worse.

Sounds like he's testing the water for more - I'd go with your gut here. I've done old for a long time previously (don't bother anymore) but even your short description of the combo set little red flags flying.