Does a truely no-strings relationship ever work out for the woman?

[duke748]

As in, friends with, ahem 'benefits'?

I have such an arrangement and I just sometimes wonder if I am kididng myself that it works fine for me?

We have been friends for about three years but for most of that time we were both in relationships so didn't do anything at all or think of each other in that way.

He lives about 2 hours away from me and we go through phases of seeing each other a lot, then not much, pretty much dependent on what else we have going on. I always enjoy my time with him and we do have a lot (and I mean alot!) of great sex, but also watch DVDs and other more mundane stuff like that. We don't hold hands and look longingly into each other's eyes though.

We have been honest with each other and have said that if it stops working for either of us, we just let the other know and thats that. I don't want a boyfriend right now as I am enjoying being single after coming out of a stiffling relationship last summer.

To be clear, I'm not trying to get him to fall in love with me, change his ways or anything like that. Its just fun having someone around who I trust for those kinds of things. Also, I envisage it will die a death naturally at some point. Either the noevelty will wear off or one of us will fall for someone else.

So, my question is this - can a woman truely enjoy no-strings sex or does thousands of years of evolution mean deep down we are all looking for 'nesting' and settling down?

I have told some of my friends and they have all been nothing but supportive, plus, of course, they like to hear the juicy gossip! But I wonder if society still does look down on women who, basically, have a bloke's attitude to sex? Why is this? Will it ever change?

Again, for clarity, I am not asking, 'should I dump him?', as I will keep doing it until I don't enjoy it. But am interested in people's opinions on the matter.

So ladies and gents, your opinions please......

Does a truely no-strings relationship ever work out for the woman?

Discuss.

Droppin a few hints is not a bad idea. Because sometimes, if you say to your FB, let's have The Talk, look, this isn't serious and I don't want your wickled feelings hurted, the FB can get a bit flouncy about being patronized and state crossly that he/she never assumed monogamy in the first place.

so madamez, can i ask how many FBs you've had at once? am wondering if three is greedy

3 or 4 sometimes though some people I'd only see about once every 6 months - ie 1 bloke who I was always very fond of and we are still good friends though he is now in a happy monogamous relationship: I used to hook up with him about once a year or so when he was living in Dublin, then sort of now and again.... There was a time when I had 3 fairly regular ones but a couple of one-night stands during the same timeframe
Ah well, now I am old and addled and get about half a bunk up every six months, but it was all fun while it lasted.

so three isn't being greedy then ... pheeeeeew!

I just wanted to add that I totally agree with madamez's post of 14:59:23 about how both parties should treat each other with courtesy and respect, just like one would treat friends, colleagues and acquaintances (and all human beings for that matter).

Nappyaddict there's nothing wrong with having feelings in these circumstances. 3 isn't greedy either, enjoy it while you have it I say!

well the 3rd is only a possibility. he's in the process of splitting up with someone so it's been a while since i've had anything to do with him in that sense but i'm guessing it's on the cards.

Can I ask something plase? do youse lot all have shit hot buff bodies? Because whilst I am in desperate need of a selection of fragrant and delicious fbs, I can't in all honesty describe myself as - well - in tip top condition. And it's not a question of going down the gym .I am always down the gym, it is just a question of totally collapsed norkage, stomach, and general motherhood. So I would feel embarrassed about going " da da! here I am!" to someone I don't even know. I think they would have to fall for me in some other way first, iyswim. My face is ok, though.

Your thoughts much appreciated.

can I ask something PLEASE.

erm, well i was at my fb's on saturday night and he decides to comment that i have stretch marks on my boobs. now obviously i know i've got them and obviously he's seen them before but he didn't have to bloody state the fact!! normally i am not shy whatsoever - don't have to hide under covers, have the lights off etc. but as i was getting undressed later i must admit i did feel more self-concious than normal and didn't like him turning the light on to watch me.

so basically no it doesn't put them off ..... but them mentioning it puts me off!!

but apart from stretch marky boobs are you otherwise perfect?

no i also have a stretchmarky stretched flabby tummy.

Do I have a shit hot buff body?

Hell yes! and I've worked damn hard to get it!

Actually grace, I have small boobs and stretch marks (everywhere) but I think with men it's your attitude to your own body that makes you more attractive, rather than just the body iykwim. Men can be suckers for self-assured confident women.

rofl

rofl because you OBVIOUSLY have a shit hot body zippi, what with all that climbing and scuba diving?

Oh well that is something. I've been monogamous for a long time, so it is a big deal to reveal to s/o new.
Ah you see normally I can do the I love my body thing, and stand in seductive postures etc. I am just imagining comedic scenarios of unveiling and my potential fbs legging it out of the room without even bothering to get dressed. Oh what potential larks.

rofl because at 50 i obviously dont and between 19 and 50 i had two relsationships one for 23 years and one for 8 so allp new to me to strip off for someone else

but i have done it for two people and neoither of them threw up over me

zippi's a climber?! I have climbing and cycling to thank for my shit hot body!

although the popey-like arms get in the way a bit

more rofling

im not a climber

but i am seeinf soemione who is and so i am spedning time on climbing walls with a view to sea cliff climbing

cue more extreme rofliong

extreme roffling indeed!

I remember now the thread you had about not wanting to go on a date to climbing wll with this guy coz of the time of month, it is the same guy isn't it?

yep well remembered

that was in october i think

No, I'm not super sexy at all. But pretty happy with what I have got.

Having someone who fancies the pants off you does help with making you feel more sexy. And because you arn't all loved up, you don't seem to have these hang-ups before and during sex that you would with someone who you really wanted to like you.

Also, it seems that once you are blissfully happy and satisfied, it seems that men flock to you more. The more desperate you seem, the less they are interested, and the less you seem to want them, the more interested they are!

Or.... men are like buses, you wait around for ages, then three come along at once.

Despite what the more idiot end of the media is forever peddling - ie you have to be 'beautiful' (ie young, thin, rich and white-ish) to have lots of sex, most people do not look like supermodels and most people have some kind of a sex life. OK if you are leching after someone who is model-type perfect and you are a bit more average, then there may be awkwardness, but not necessarily. Most men people are just grateful happy that someone's up for a shag second date.

Oh, and I have always been on the chunky side, with dodgy skin and a dress sense that I accept is 'unusual'. Hasn't stopped me getting my share