Does a truely no-strings relationship ever work out for the woman?

[duke748]

As in, friends with, ahem 'benefits'?

I have such an arrangement and I just sometimes wonder if I am kididng myself that it works fine for me?

We have been friends for about three years but for most of that time we were both in relationships so didn't do anything at all or think of each other in that way.

He lives about 2 hours away from me and we go through phases of seeing each other a lot, then not much, pretty much dependent on what else we have going on. I always enjoy my time with him and we do have a lot (and I mean alot!) of great sex, but also watch DVDs and other more mundane stuff like that. We don't hold hands and look longingly into each other's eyes though.

We have been honest with each other and have said that if it stops working for either of us, we just let the other know and thats that. I don't want a boyfriend right now as I am enjoying being single after coming out of a stiffling relationship last summer.

To be clear, I'm not trying to get him to fall in love with me, change his ways or anything like that. Its just fun having someone around who I trust for those kinds of things. Also, I envisage it will die a death naturally at some point. Either the noevelty will wear off or one of us will fall for someone else.

So, my question is this - can a woman truely enjoy no-strings sex or does thousands of years of evolution mean deep down we are all looking for 'nesting' and settling down?

I have told some of my friends and they have all been nothing but supportive, plus, of course, they like to hear the juicy gossip! But I wonder if society still does look down on women who, basically, have a bloke's attitude to sex? Why is this? Will it ever change?

Again, for clarity, I am not asking, 'should I dump him?', as I will keep doing it until I don't enjoy it. But am interested in people's opinions on the matter.

So ladies and gents, your opinions please......

Does a truely no-strings relationship ever work out for the woman?

Discuss.

There's a good shop in town that does them, they usually stock a decent variety so you can usually find what you're looking for

Actually mine have come through accuaintances of friends and random men I meet, or through dating websites or gumtree ads.

what do you put on your gumtree ads?

just out of curiosity do you actually go out and socialise do stuff together and communicate etc with your fuck buddies

or hodl hands kiss etc

or just havetime in having sex?

Will have a cuddle when watching a DVD, but usually it leads to something else.... ahem.

We also go out for dinner and go shopping. We also chat on the phone about work stuff quite a lot (but then we both work in the same field).

But nope, none of that soppy stuff. No holding hands or looking into each other's eyes or anything like that.

That way trouble lies!!!!

i find it quite hard to see if you go out for dinner and kiss and have sex how it isn't a bouyfriend girlfriend

I don't zippi. One of them is an old friend, and we still mostly see each other to socialise, go out, do the things we always did as friends, but those times are totally seperate from the sexual encounters. Definately no holding hands etc.

With the other guy, we go out for drinks before heading to one or the other's places, I wouldn't waste time watching a dvd/doing couply things with him though. I wouldn't go out to dinner or go shopping or spend ages on the phone with them, that's what I'd do if I wanted more than no-strings fun.

The difference between that and a boyfriend/girlfriend is the emotional commitment and investment imo. Linking arms with someone you fancy and sleep with when you're both out together at night isn't the same as strolling hand-in-hand with someone you love ona saturday afternoon. Does that make sense?

Mostly go out for dinner as neither of us can be bothered to cook! Go out to dinner with female friends at least once a week, so don't really see this as different to that.

Kissing - we do as part of foreplay, but not otherwise. Well, except a kiss on the cheek to say hello and bye.

And there is definately a difference between making love and having sex. Won't tell you the gory details, but definately a difference.

What I don't do is introduce him to my friends, like I would do with a boyfriend. So, he is a very seperate part of my life, not trying to intgrate him to other parts of it, if that makes sense.

To me, it is very different.

ahem. Please can I have wording of gumtree ad. Need to copy it.

ok grace, something along the lines of:

Hi there
On the advice of a friend, I'm placing an ad on here to simply see what comes back! Here's hoping that someone tall, fit, sensual and sexy will reply :-)

-now insert a bit more about yourself, looks, personality, whatever-

So, what am I looking for?

Well, someone tall, dark and handsome would do just right for me at this present time! Not sure though if i'm looking for something serious or just for playtime. I'm open-minded so I guess its a case of seeing what comes along.

In an ideal world, you'd be -now insert what you'd want them to be ideally-

Feel free to send me a note, with a bit about yourself and a pic or 2. If I like the sound of you, then you'll get a reply :-)

Be prepared to sift through a lot of crap though. I don't put a picture up on gumtree, I wait for people to reply, if I like the look of them, then they get a picture. It has worked fine so far.

Yeah, I'd agree with the wording, something along those lines. Also, don't say, explicitly, I'm just looking for no-strings fun or a fuck buddy, I'd guess that might attract the wrong sort of bloke

Be more genuine and descreet. Have a look at other people's ads, which ones sound ok and which ones make you shudder?

No... put simply no... feelings R feelings at end of the day...

But the point is, beMyLilBaby, that one doesn't have feelings for a fb/lover/friend with benifits, instead it's more of an agreement to mutually satisfyone's sexual needs and desires.

I wouldn't recommend it to needy insecure people though.

Dittany makes a good point. I can safely say those things wouldn't bother me. Part of having these kinds of 'relationchips' is knowing they could end at any time and it wouldn't matter.

thats where i was curious what you did apart from sex

i did see a guy like this for a bit but he was a twat

and i didn't actually like the not going out anywhere and the non communication

so he was put on jog on mode

but i am now in somewhat perplexing are we a couple or are we fb with someone else

i am just trying to decide what the factors that make you one or the other are

Zippi maybe what you have now is more of a casual relationship rather than a FB? Something with the potential to develop into a more solid boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with time? How long have you been together?

well we first met in october, but since just before christmas really

we live 100 miles apart tho so are just staying with each other at weekends tho it has been every weekend for the last several

we have a ridiculous age gap tho that means i have to keep reminding myself it is short term

That definately sounds more than just a fb zippi, especially if it is all weekend you are spending together, that's basically all your free time you're dedicating to each other, plus the travelling. Sounds like a boyfriend to me, or the beginings of a boyfriend, even if it is likely to run its course and come to a natural end at some point.

Age gaps aren't always a problem though, did you have a thread on the age difference a while ago?

not my own thread..it is 20 years tho

we are going abroad for the weekend in a acouple of weks

Well in answer to the OP, yes I think it can but both parties need to be in the right place headwise for it to work.
Wouldn't work for me now for example but when I was much younger, yes I had one or two,(well maybe 3 actually) fuck buddies.

Zippi - think a 'friends with benefits' thing is agreed by both people, so you'd know if you were in it, so to speak.

And, yes, the thought of him with someone else doesn't bother me, plus I don't get excited about seeing him, like you would with a boyfriend.

If her is a twat, it doesn't matter what it was, you don't want to go there, surely?

ah i thiought perhaps it was assumed unless it was declared otherwise

zippi in my experience it is actually explicitly stated and agreed upon, rather than just assumed, like duke said.

I think if you are both going abroad on holiday together then that definately is more than a FB or even a friends with benefits type arrangement.

Sounds good!

Yep, hols is way past FB, wouldn't have even bothered with much more than a polite good morning to mine iirc.

lol ranting, I don't even let them hang around till the morning!