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Original poster

Husband annoyed that dinner is late

127 replies

Hannamana · 23/12/2023 21:46

Tonight I was about to make a nice dinner (roasted chicken, potato gratin, an apple & walnut salad - so a bit of effort).

I came downstairs and my husband asked when we were eating. I said it would be ready about 8.15pm.

He got annoyed because he thought this was late to eat. He said he was hungry and tired. We normally eat a bit earlier, but it's the holidays and we're off work, so I said it should be ok that it's a bit later.

I felt like he was being ungrateful when I was cooking a nice meal (and he hardly ever cooks).

He then complained more and talked about having toast instead.

I was really annoyed, and said I would put the food in the freezer and cook it another night. I turned the oven off. He then started to back down and asked me to go ahead and cook it.

I cooked it anyway, because I had the food, but was really annoyed.

Do your partners ever have moments like this? Surely if someone else is cooking for you, you don't complain about it being a bit later than you'd want?

OP posts:
DixonD · 24/12/2023 09:59

Hannamana · 23/12/2023 21:55

Is 8.15pm really so late to eat, when you don't have work the next day?

Yes, for most people. Not everyone goes to bed at 2am.

category12 · 24/12/2023 10:02

I cook anytime between 6 - 8:30 according to my mood/motivation level, unless there are particular plans/time constraints.

If anyone is hungry beforehand, they can grab a snack. Or they're welcome to take over and make us/themselves a meal instead.

I'd expect a full grown man to have a slice of toast while he waits and be grateful, not be a whining little shite.

oneflewoverthe · 24/12/2023 10:25

FitAt50 · 24/12/2023 06:32

I'm from a working class background and always had my "tea" at 5:30. Met my very posh husband 15 years ago and am now forced to have dinner at 7:30 each night. On a few occasions it's not served until after 8pm and I'm usually climbing the walls with hunger by then. I'm with your husband on this one.

I'd be hungry again before bed if I ate dinner at 5:30! I guess 5:30 is ok if you can finish work and other things before. I finish work at 5:30 so that would be impossible for me.

IhearyouClemFandango · 24/12/2023 10:26

Hannamana · 23/12/2023 22:07

Can't you just have a little snack, like some crackers, so you're still hungry but not starving?

Show quote history

Wasn't that what he was suggesting, having a piece of toast?

category12 · 24/12/2023 10:30

IhearyouClemFandango · 24/12/2023 10:26

Wasn't that what he was suggesting, having a piece of toast?

Show quote history

Yes, I can't work out whether op didn't like him wanting a piece of toast in the meantime, or was fine with it.

Brefugee · 24/12/2023 10:34

if you usually eat at a particular time, regardless of if you think you are doing him a massive favour by cooking lovely dinner (I'd love that food), it's normal to say that you'll be eating later.

So close to a big meal i won't snack either, because it puts me right off eating anything, but if i were hungry i'd probably appear "irrationally angry" too. It's not really irrational, it's hunger talking.

All in all: better communication. And if the arrangement was that you are cooking and you'd both agreed, he doesn't need to be thankful you did it, only appreciative.

LittleFishyEyes · 24/12/2023 10:42

If I am cooking the right time to eat is when I dish up. 8:30 may be later than you normally eat but it is not like it is 11:00pm.

Your DH was rude.

festivetinseling · 24/12/2023 10:46

When you're not the one going to the effort of cooking, you take what you get when you get it and be grateful. He could have had a snack to tide him over until it was ready.

Fizbosshoes · 24/12/2023 11:52

DixonD · 24/12/2023 09:59

Yes, for most people. Not everyone goes to bed at 2am.

Show quote history

I couldn't function the next day if I regularly went to bed at 2am, however 8.15 is not unusually late for our family (me, DH and 2 teens)
We rarely get home from work before 6.15 and most nights at least one person is doing a sport/activity so we generally eat after that.
If for any reason I'm home early or not at work and can get teens dinner earlier, they often choose not to have it at 6.30pm for example!

muchalover · 24/12/2023 12:33

Regardless of the time for eating, clearly he expects maid service but he could have asked if there was anything he could do to help.

I think he should have managed with toast and he was a man baby. Jeez imagine having to eat a lovely meal that you didn't lift a finger to prepare and you were expected to eat a whole 60 minutes later. If that's the end of the world then he is very privileged indeed.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/12/2023 12:52

Even when I was pregnant I wouldn't have moaned at someone for being late with my dinner I would have snacked, thanked them and then perhaps next time they suggested making a meal thank them again and ask them if possible could we eat earlier as I get hungry earlier/need time to digest and then thanked them again

Merrymouse · 24/12/2023 13:15

’I’ll just make myself some toast now so I don’t die of starvation’ and then ‘but it sounds lovely - do you need any help?’ is the correct response.

A flouncy ’I’ll have toast instead’ is very wrong when somebody has gone to the trouble of making a meal.

Merrymouse · 24/12/2023 13:16

category12 · 24/12/2023 10:30

Yes, I can't work out whether op didn't like him wanting a piece of toast in the meantime, or was fine with it.

Show quote history

He said he would have toast instead.

Merrymouse · 24/12/2023 13:19

DixonD · 24/12/2023 09:59

Yes, for most people. Not everyone goes to bed at 2am.

Show quote history

2am is late to go to bed, but dinner at 8 is very normal, particularly if you have been at work and have children to put to bed/after school activities.

Original poster
Hannamana · 24/12/2023 23:26

Merrymouse · 24/12/2023 13:16

He said he would have toast instead.

Show quote history

Yes, he was saying he would have toast instead of the meal because it was late.

OP posts:
category12 · 24/12/2023 23:27

Instead? What a dick.

Crikeyalmighty · 25/12/2023 17:58

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug not only entitlement but absolute rigidness too- honestly it seems a very 'old' way of thinking.

My grandparents seemed to want to get all meals out the way by 5pm - but then were always eating cheese and crackers at 9.30 straight before bed

We tend to eat at around 7.30 but sometimes have a takeaway at 8.30 to 9pm etc- especially at weekends

Original poster
Hannamana · 28/12/2023 00:02

Thanks everyone for your comments. I realise that many people like to eat early, but it's good to know that it is also not unusual to eat around 8pm. I agree that he was rude about it.

He's made similarly bad-mannered complaints at other times about food being slightly late, or that I make too many curries (and it's me who's pretty much always cooking!). When he does cook, it is often later than when I cook (but I don't mind). So it is starting to grate.

OP posts:
SkySecret · 28/12/2023 00:06

Doesn’t really matter whether it’s “late” or not (we sometimes eat at 9-10pm if time has got away with us!) he still shouldn’t be so entitled and rude! He can get a snack if he can’t last that long and then he can do the cooking himself if yours is so problematic for him. Speaking to you like a slave isn’t acceptable just because he’s hungry and wants his food right now.

overwhelmed2023 · 28/12/2023 00:11

I think I eat late after work but it's 6.30-7
8.15 v late

overwhelmed2023 · 28/12/2023 00:14

I think it's the rudeness not the lateness. As long as you didn't ban him from snacking he is the one BU

kitsuneghost · 28/12/2023 00:21

Everyone saying it's late. How the hell can you get dinner out much earlier on a normal weekday. Do you not work?
Even if you get in at 6 you realistically aren't going to start cooking until near 7

mantyzer · 28/12/2023 02:01

Unless you don't cook an actual meal?

mantyzer · 28/12/2023 03:21

@overwhelmed2023 6.30 to 7pm is not late if you work out of the home. Few people leave at 5pm on the dot to get home at 5,30pm. Then half an hour cooking so eat at 6pm.
6pm is the earliest possible if you work full time, and many of us leave work later than 5pm on the dot, and have children to pick up from childcare.

category12 · 28/12/2023 08:03

Hannamana · 28/12/2023 00:02

Thanks everyone for your comments. I realise that many people like to eat early, but it's good to know that it is also not unusual to eat around 8pm. I agree that he was rude about it.

He's made similarly bad-mannered complaints at other times about food being slightly late, or that I make too many curries (and it's me who's pretty much always cooking!). When he does cook, it is often later than when I cook (but I don't mind). So it is starting to grate.

Have a straight conversation with him and say something like "look, it's starting to upset me/piss me off, you complaining about what I cook and when I cook it. It's rude, it's ungrateful, it's disrespectful. This is not a restaurant, I am not your employee. If I'm cooking I'll cook what I want to and within a range of timings. If you're going to have a go at me over it, I'm going to stop cooking for you altogether. Start being nice again."