Husband doesn’t want me to to post anything on socials

[NewMeNewUs]

My husband has an instagram profile and a Facebook profile but he hasn’t been active on their or posted anything for approx a year now.

Today he asked me not to post any pictures of the kids on socials anymore as it makes him uncomfortable and now they are getting older he doesn’t think we should put pictures up of them without their permission.

and then tells me he doesn’t want any pics of him on there either!! It’s got my back up…..feels very weird to me! Would you be worried something else is going on…..?

Once you post a pic of your kids on the internet it no longer belongs to you.

I'm with him on this.

I agree with your DH, we never post photos of DS on social media for similar reasons.

If he's not used social media for a year he's probably grown out of it like most people do eventually. I don't understand why you think you have the right to post pics of him. Or at least want to have that right.

I think he is being sensible.

To play devil's advocate (and please do correct me if I'm wrong), is part of your concern that your husband wants to hide your marriage/children, perhaps due to infidelity?

I know for some people especially of younger generations not wanting to show your partnership online can be interpreted as them having something to hide.

I agree with your husband. We also don't allow the school to take photos of our children for their website or twitter page, we also know we are the only family in the whole school who have declined this.
So it seems alot of people don't mind their kids being put on the Internet.

You sound suspicious of him OP and I'll go against most posters and agree that it might be. Has he given you reasons to think that he's hiding his family life? Has his behaviour changed in other ways. I'd certainly be alert if so.

He is absolutely right. I don't get the fascination with posting every little thing on social media. It is neither necessary nor particularly interesting. In fact, it can be very cringeworthy.

I rarely ever post anything on Facebook and only use it to get information from the local pages of our village. I only have a Twitter (X) account because updates from my DDs' school came that way, including when one of them went on a school trip to South Africa.

Otherwise, I never use social media. Within the family we use WhatsApp to share photos and anything else needed.

Very reasonable and a smart move concerning the children.

I wonder how many adults there will be in a few years incensed that so much was shared about their lives by parents.

It really helped to ask myself each time I was about to post why I was doing it and what I wanted.

The answer quite brutally was for attention or to show how lovely my life was. I then started thinking about what benefits that had and it honestly was zero, you can keep in touch with others in many, more meaningful ways. Then I thought about the negatives of sharing, and there were many!

I's one of those things where we don't know why we do it but do because everyone else does. I imagine if you stop, you'll soon find you're not missing anything and gaining a lot (of privacy)!

Since chatgpt arrived last year there is more concern that any pictures could be manipulated.

I think this is an ok request tbh. He's allowed to feel what he's feeling.

As long as he doesn't stray into trying to control the rest of your SM like. Unless it's a countdown to a holiday because that's just stupid anyway.

No
i don’t post my kids anymore
and I don’t like my photo being posted either

You can still post and be on social media

I agree, totally.

Deutsche Telekom did quite a hard hitting ad about the very real dangers of leaving a digital footprint for your children. We do not post photos at all, anyone I want to share photos with is generally in contact with me privately.

you know .. i never had a thought about it until i started uploading pics of my 4 year old and men started liking and following me ( even though the only pics i had were of her) ... blocked them and removed the photos made me realize.. i am offering my child to be watched by these monsters.

I’m not on any social media. DH is on FB & Insta, although not a prolific poster.

I really don’t want to document my life on social media, and I sure as hell don’t want anyone else doing it! My teens would be mortified, too.

We (me & teen DC) have asked him not to share any photos of us without our permission. He probably posts a pic of us together twice a year - on an interesting holiday or at a big event or something. And we all get right to veto!

He sounds very reasonable. I have some social media, but never put anything personal on it, and definitely not photos. I also don't understand why people post pictures of their children on SM. A little bit of discretion goes a long way, and you do need the consent of anyone (adult or child) before you put their picture online.

I listened to an alarming radio programme about images that are taken off socials and used for AI pornography - apparently its considered by p**dos to make them be more socially acceptable. Utterly vile.

Don't post pictures.

I've been off FB for a year, don't miss it, was hardly posting anything anyway. Some people are just the centre of their own world, population, them and think what they have to say is soooo interesting!

I don't have any social media accounts, however my wife does. She knows how I feel about it; that it's a cesspit of people showing off where they are on holiday, what new car they have, what new relationship they're in. It creates an illusion that everyone is fine and dandy and can really affect mental health for others.

I haven't told her that I don't want to be mentioned online, however I know that she wouldn't. In any case, I wouldn't know if she posted about me.

It's a fair point about your children though.

Sounds sensible to me. I wouldn't take it personally

And he's definitely right about the kids

My husband doesn't like anything about him going on my social media either and to be honest, as I'm getting older, I'm realising I prefer his point of view - I used to be one of those annoying over-sharers - now I barely post anything and to be honest, it feels so much nicer and I appreciate things more instead of thinking "Oh this can go on FB"

There is a fundamental difference between using social media in your own name & connected to your real life friends vs using an anonymous forum like MN which you can sign up to via a single use burner e-Mail address which is not linked to your real identity in any way.

yhk · Today 10:33
I don't have any social media accounts

apart from Mumsnet?

People can say there's a difference all they want but it's still SM