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Original poster

Husband doesn’t want me to to post anything on socials

111 replies

NewMeNewUs · 22/12/2023 22:53

My husband has an instagram profile and a Facebook profile but he hasn’t been active on their or posted anything for approx a year now.

Today he asked me not to post any pictures of the kids on socials anymore as it makes him uncomfortable and now they are getting older he doesn’t think we should put pictures up of them without their permission.

and then tells me he doesn’t want any pics of him on there either!! It’s got my back up…..feels very weird to me! Would you be worried something else is going on…..?

OP posts:
PurBal · 23/12/2023 05:42

I don’t see the big deal as this is my life. Sorry I can’t empathise. Children can’t consent. DH doesn’t do social media so why would I post his photo when he’s chosen not to use it? DH has taken a few photos from behind of the children and he’s said “that would make a good social pic” but I don’t post them. I don’t even use my children’s names if I can avoid it. I’ll just say “my son”.

autienotnaughty · 23/12/2023 05:54

I have very small amount of social media and dh has none. I would absolutely comply with this I agree we are a bit too much out there at times.

In your op I picked up a underlying concern. Are you worried he's trying to distance himself from you publicly for some reason? If yes are there any other indicators as to why this might be.

Sususudio · 23/12/2023 06:15

My DH is not actively on socials and does not want me to post any family pix on socials. I agree with him. Nothing weird about this. I post other pix- interesting books, art, architecture- but no family pix.

EarlGreywithLemon · 23/12/2023 06:59

I don’t post any photos of my children on social media, have never posted their names, and have ticked the “no photos on social media” box on the nursery form. I’ve asked relatives not to post as well (which my mother disregarded a for a while until we had a proper chat about it😬).

In fact, I haven’t posted anything at all in recent years and I intend to keep it that way (anonymous forums like mumsnet excepted). I understand much more about security and privacy issues with social media now, and I’m no longer comfortable doing it.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 23/12/2023 07:00

What's so weird about not posting photos of your DCs, it's actually quite common. Also, if he doesn't want photos of himself that's fine too. Social media is a relatively new thing in life, people managed perfectly well without it in the past. Good on your DH for being sensible - and why on earth would something else be going on?? Not all of us want to be plastered all over the internet.

Sothisiit · 23/12/2023 07:03

Perfectly reasonable request by your DH in my opinion.
Would you want others to have open access to your childhood photos especially when you're older.
Personally I hate this time of year for the staged pictures. You just know Christmas eve will be a bombardment of posts of the matching pyjama brigade in front of the tree.
It's a pity more effort isn't made to enjoy the moment rather than worrying about getting a suitably staged picture worthy of posting.
I have a relative who will take loads of pics and will post them all, I hare the fact that permission to post is just assumed if you're in their company.

Gowlett · 23/12/2023 07:06

Most people I know show pics of their kids.
I do the odd time. It’s absolutely fine not to.

2Rebecca · 23/12/2023 07:07

I never posted much about our children and step children on social media and rarely put photos up and usually with their consent. I think the occasional holiday snap is fine but should be discussed. I wouldn't want my husband oversharing our day to day life.

Namechange4234 · 23/12/2023 07:10

Post as much as you like about you, photos etc

I think its disrespectful to post about DH and the children without permission

OkImListening · 23/12/2023 07:19

Madamlulu · 22/12/2023 22:59

Nothing weird at all. Sounds like he's got his head switched on!

⬆️ this.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 23/12/2023 07:22

This is Mumsnet - so many posters who disdain social media. Oh the irony!

Sususudio · 23/12/2023 07:24

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 23/12/2023 07:22

This is Mumsnet - so many posters who disdain social media. Oh the irony!

Do you not see the difference between posting anonymously sans identifying pictures and posting pix of your family without their consent or approval?

TravelInHope · 23/12/2023 07:27

He probably has a secret Insta account that he is using to have multiple affairs behind your back.

TheMotherSide · 23/12/2023 07:29

DP has no socials and wouldn't enjoy having photos of himself posted on mine. Neither would the DC. I have one SM account, but tend to use it for other stuff than posting pictures of family.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 23/12/2023 07:31

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 23/12/2023 07:22

This is Mumsnet - so many posters who disdain social media. Oh the irony!

Not using it doesn’t mean you “disdain” it. I don’t use SM but I don’t care if other people do.

My DH uses FB, TikTok and instagram but we decided many years ago that he wouldn’t post photos of the kids. Aside from his profile picture, which I okayed, I don’t want pictures of me on there either.

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/12/2023 07:34

I'm with your husband.

pictoosh · 23/12/2023 07:39

I don't think it's weird of him, no.

I have a facebook account but it focuses on ME, not my three kids, who don't want their photos on there...or my husband who doesn't do any social media at all. I'll share the odd photo with permission but that's all.

Scarletttulips · 23/12/2023 07:40

This is so refreshing - I warned people about SM when my daughter posted a picture and it was ‘ruined’ and reposted - the things people can do to alter images is shocking. Also one girl was bullied for the photos her mother posted.

Horried.

Im glad people are waking up and being sensible.

Brandyginger · 23/12/2023 07:45

My DH has no social media apart from LinkedIn for work. He has always asked me not to post things showing where we’ve been on holiday as he thinks it’s showing off and he’s never consented to be in a photo himself.

I’ve stopped posting entirely since my elder DC got really upset when a photo I put up was shown by a friend to her son - who then took a screen grab and sent it around his friend group mocking him. Huge fall out. It was a perfectly lovely photo but to 13 year old boys it was hilarious. My posting stopped that day. Something for people with teens to think about, it was very upsetting all round.

VisionsOfSplendour · 23/12/2023 07:45

TravelInHope · 23/12/2023 07:27

He probably has a secret Insta account that he is using to have multiple affairs behind your back.

Bound to, thats the obvious explanation right there

Sususudio · 23/12/2023 07:45

I often think it's a generational thing. I work with women in their 20s, and some feel that if their boyfriends do not declare their love on SM with pix, they are not serious. Whereas I would be mortified if DH declared his love for me on SM.

greyshelving · 23/12/2023 07:46

If I'm posting photos I always ask permission of anyone in the photo (usually at the time of taking it) and very quickly get an idea of who is comfortable with socials and who is not. I also have my FB set so that no one can tag a photo of me unless I approve it first.

Permission and consent are really important concepts and I think in the rush to get 'likes', lots of people easily forget.

I don't think it's strange that your DH doesn't want his photos online. Some people are really private and want to keep it that way.

pictoosh · 23/12/2023 07:48

I think we're a LOT more cautious now than when social media first came about.
It started out as a fun thing and became a cesspit of bully fodder fairly swiftly. God people suck.

Mrsgreen100 · 23/12/2023 07:49

You have a very good sense bloke there
social media has ruined my daughters teenage years, I discouraged the whole
Thing but relented as didn’t want her to
be the odd one out .so wish the dam thing had never been invented.
as your kids get older hopefully they will follow his example,
it will save them so much hassle later
if you stop now it may help them not to plaster they whole lives all over social media later
try doing some research around the effect that it has on young people,
and really think it though.
sorry op but I won’t be putting any pictures of my family out there , or anything else.

AndThatWasNY · 23/12/2023 08:00

LifeofBrienne · 22/12/2023 23:43

Lots of people will come on these threads on MN and say it’s really wrong to post photos of your kids on social media. Although I don’t think anyone I know puts up photos of their kids on a public platform, in my world it’s absolutely the norm to share family holiday pics etc with friends on Facebook, and it’s really nice to see them. Honestly I think that there’s not a high risk of permanent psychological scarring and damage if, for example, a boring photo of DS1 eating ice cream age 10 in front of the Eiffel Tower somehow made it into the public domain. But I know that’s not a popular viewpoint on here!

The main issue I now see is the potential for it to be used for AI and turned into something vile. School kids will be able to do this (if they can't already) and deep fake porn etc is very upsetting for adult women, let alone teens.

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