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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn’t want me to to post anything on socials

111 replies

NewMeNewUs · 22/12/2023 22:53

My husband has an instagram profile and a Facebook profile but he hasn’t been active on their or posted anything for approx a year now.

Today he asked me not to post any pictures of the kids on socials anymore as it makes him uncomfortable and now they are getting older he doesn’t think we should put pictures up of them without their permission.

and then tells me he doesn’t want any pics of him on there either!! It’s got my back up…..feels very weird to me! Would you be worried something else is going on…..?

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 23/12/2023 00:19

I am definitely with your DH on this

DP and I actually talked about this on one of our first dates and fortunately both agreed that social media is shit so there was no awkward chats about not putting something online.

I deleted FB about 5 years ago and although I do have instagram I rarely use it and when I do there are no people included in any of the pictures I post

uclpp · 23/12/2023 00:23

I despise social media and don’t have any, unless you class WhatsApp as social media. However, if your dh has Instagram and Facebook, what stopped him being active on them?

if he’d always hated social media, then I’d say fine. But it seems as though that isn’t the case. Do you know why he stopped Instagram and Facebook?

MotherofAllMatriarchs · 23/12/2023 00:24

Good on you for listening to everyone else’s advice on this. I feel mood has been changing on this over the past few years as digital literacy has risen. I now feel a little guilty for occasionally putting my children’s pictures on social media when they were too young to comsent. My own partner has never published their pictures and feels very uncomfortable when others do so.

User69371527 · 23/12/2023 00:27

Yep he’s got the right idea
its not classy to overshare on social media and tbh is a bit… can’t find the right word! Common?

EmmaEmerald · 23/12/2023 00:29

uclpp · 23/12/2023 00:23

I despise social media and don’t have any, unless you class WhatsApp as social media. However, if your dh has Instagram and Facebook, what stopped him being active on them?

if he’d always hated social media, then I’d say fine. But it seems as though that isn’t the case. Do you know why he stopped Instagram and Facebook?

A lot of people started using it and then changed their minds.

PeopleAreWeird · 23/12/2023 00:32

Brother has no social media and doesnt like people putting pictures of him anywhere online and none of the family are allowed to put pictures of his daughter on social media

Which is totally fine
Each to their own

SD1978 · 23/12/2023 00:33

He doesn't use it and doesn't want to be plastered on yours, and doesn't think the kids should be either. If he was active on SM I'd think this was strange, but he doesn't post himself and doesn't want you posting him- seems reasonable

VampireWeekday · 23/12/2023 01:13

I'm with your DH. No photos of me anywhere or the kids.

CostedStrikeRate · 23/12/2023 02:10

You can have a lovely cosy private life without any of it being online. And you have the added confidence that you're not seeking anyone's approval.

Snowyballs · 23/12/2023 02:13

Sounds like a decent guy
Post pictures of yourself if you crave attention.
Never post pictures of anyone else including your child/ren as that it never ever appropriate

Geppili · 23/12/2023 02:17

Sensible bloke.

CICTGIGF · 23/12/2023 02:25

Im also team DH. I used to use it many years ago, but when you step away from it all for a long time you realise how ridiculous it is. If social media didn’t exist you wouldn’t show everyone most photos you take or show them your appointment diary, and in a lot of ways it’s just the digital version of doing that. Social media is just a stalkers paradise anyway.

WandaWonder · 23/12/2023 02:53

I totally agree with him

brainworms · 23/12/2023 02:55

I don't blame him to be honest. You don't know who's looking at the photos of your kids, it's not safe. He's also entitled to his privacy.

roseheartfly · 23/12/2023 03:19

Don't post pictures but tag him in statuses.

That way if he's done it for something untoward then he'll bring it up again.

You obviously have a weird suspicion so why not test jt?

Could be very genuine and I agree about not posting your children. He also has the right to choose if photos of him go online.

VisionsOfSplendour · 23/12/2023 03:19

uclpp · 23/12/2023 00:23

I despise social media and don’t have any, unless you class WhatsApp as social media. However, if your dh has Instagram and Facebook, what stopped him being active on them?

if he’d always hated social media, then I’d say fine. But it seems as though that isn’t the case. Do you know why he stopped Instagram and Facebook?

There's nothing unusual about having social media accounts but not posting on them, why do you think that? I bet there are millions of inactive accounts. Signing up to Facebook in 2009 wasn't a commitment to lifelong ppsting

scotstarstrikestwo · 23/12/2023 03:28

If you looked at my fb life you wouldn't know I had a bf. We've been together 4.5 years and he's never been mentioned on it. He hates it and would be really annoyed if posted a picture/video even with him slightly on it. It used to annoy me and make me think he was trying to hide me but accept and respect it now

SquashPenguin · 23/12/2023 03:29

Posting about stuff you’d got up to on social media used to be the done thing, but now it just looks so cringeworthy. Sounds a bit harsh but genuinely no one cares about 99% of it. I think opinions are changing and a lot of people see it as bullshit now too. If you’re trying to prove you’re having a great life on Facebook then you’re also trying to prove it to yourself, and that maybe that’s not quite how it is behind the scenes.

GodDammitCecil · 23/12/2023 03:41

NewMeNewUs · 22/12/2023 23:05

Thanks all for your replies ladies . I really do appreciate. I love mums net for hearing views.

I absolutely intend to respect his wishes, absolutely. They are his kids aswel.
tbh maybe I post too much about our lives and the things we do…: maybe I should use this for myself to take a step back from socials too.

thanks again ladies

If you post a lot, there will definitely be people reading your posts thinking, God, can’t you let one moment go by where you live in the moment, instead of photographing it, and posting it on SM?

Maybe he’s one of those people.

GodDammitCecil · 23/12/2023 03:46

uclpp · 23/12/2023 00:23

I despise social media and don’t have any, unless you class WhatsApp as social media. However, if your dh has Instagram and Facebook, what stopped him being active on them?

if he’d always hated social media, then I’d say fine. But it seems as though that isn’t the case. Do you know why he stopped Instagram and Facebook?

I joined FB in 2007 and Instagram in around 2010.

I stopped being active on them around 3 or 4 years ago when I realised how cringe it is all is.

I still go on to have a nosy at other people, have a laugh at some amusing pages I follow, etc.

Lots of people are seeing it for exactly what it is.

mamahg · 23/12/2023 04:20

Definitely agree with your husband. We share too much online as a society and we need to protect our kids and their privacy. DS is nearly 1 and we have never posted his pictures or videos on any of our socials. We may have put a picture of his hand or feet or side profile here or there but very very rarely and the last time it was when he was 8 months old, which we have now deleted. It's a scary world we live in.

Cakeandcardio · 23/12/2023 04:28

I wouldn't be suspicious. I used to post the occasional photo but then I had my son (I've never posted pics of him) and I realised over time how creepy it all was so I deleted a lot of pictures and haven't really been 'active' for a few years now.

Grimfoxx · 23/12/2023 05:20

I don’t see anything wrong with posting on social media as long as your friends list is water tight to only people you really, truly know and your privacy settings are so that only those people can see it. The problem lies with public or unsecured privacy settings and having a friends list with every person you’ve ever interacted with in your entire life.

TwinkleStarrr · 23/12/2023 05:25

Your DH is absolutely right!
I never posted any picture of my son on socials..never.

wildwestpioneer · 23/12/2023 05:34

I'd respect his wishes tbh

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