DH fancies sons college course leader

[Collegetutor1]

This is more about would this bother you and if so what would you do?

My son recently started at the local college. His college tutor is great, lots of contact on progress, very friendly, helpful and supportive. She’s also extremely attractive.

A few days ago I received an email asking if we (DH and I) were attending a Christmas activity (which was yesterday). I replied saying I didn’t think I’d be able to as I was in work but hopefully his dad could go as he works from home. She responded with great, I really look forward to seeing ‘name of DH’ (which I hadn’t put in the response) and having a catch up. Nothing untoward here, just friendly.

I happened to be able to take time off last minute so we all attended (DH, DS and myself). She immediately came over on arrival to greet us. She was clearly more focused on DH (eye contact and basically was talking to him rather than addressing us both, I felt a bit like a spare part).

The context.

She will often call DH first for anything college related (despite me being the first named contact and always answering my phone). It’s a special needs college so phone calls can be frequent. She is quite flirty (although this may just be her personality and is possibly like it with everyone).

DH clearly is attracted to her (she’s absolutely stunning- anyone would be!). He has now told me he started to dream about her.

I don’t think for one second anything sinister or untoward is going on. She’s clearly shown an interest (general stuff like what’s your job, hobbies etc) and DH obviously has a crush on her.

Do I just let this pass? How would you respond?

I would ask your DH if he would be OK with not answering when she calls and then she'll have to just ring you instead. You'll also then know if she rings him but doesn't then ring you if he doesn't answer that she does have a thing for your DH. How long will she be your DS's course leader for?

Hi all,
This thread is becoming unusually fractious given the OP, which we think might be on account of its having been placed in AIBU. We're moving it to Relationships, hope that's okay Collegetutor1?

It has become perfectly understandably ‘fractious’ because the OP is trying to portray herself as uber cool about a situation, unlike lesser mortals, while - like lesser mortals - very much not being cool.

I don’t think she thinks she has a relationship problem….

Your title says "DH fancies sons college teacher" - does it genuinely not bother you that your husband "fancies/is attracted to" other women ? I don't want my husband being attracted too/dream about being with other women - id find that sad. It's a bit of a shame your not enough for him

You sound like a guy-are you actually the husband?

Attraction happens but you have to ignore it. Your DH sounds like he's entertaining it and dare I say enjoying it. It's new and unknown where as our partners are known but the crush needs to stay unknown

I know you enjoy his honestly OP but you sound like your condoning it which you need to be careful of.

What me and my DH have is real, where as what I have with my colleague is fantasy! We are so invompatible

19:19
I’m neither uncomfortable or asking for advice. Just interested in others thoughts on this situation. I think I made that quite clear in my op.

Also OP

19:35
‘Let it pass’ I guess is open to interpretation.

So are things "clear" or open to interpretation?!! Lol!! Pick a lane @Collegetutor1 😂

Hate to break it to you, but unless your DH had his tackle ripped off in an unfortunate encounter with a threshing machine, he will be attracted to other people!

I have to agree op, you clearly did post because there’s an issue. I have plenty of non issues in my life and I don’t post random mn threads asking for peoples opinion. Youre backpedaling as your relationship is being questioned.

Each to their own but if my DH told me he was having dreams about another woman I would be like bloody hell DH, TMI! I just wouldn't want to know!
Same here. It's entirely normal to notice an attractive person of the sex you're attracted to.Common sense says that some things are best kept in your head. I don't understand couples who think a trusting and cool relationship is to share every thought that goes through their brain.

OP Contact the college, or have DH do it, to check the order of contact because you think there might of been a mix up with DH being called and not you. Your DH can remain a perfectly friendly and pleasant parent to this member of staff when required.

My exh was stunningly attractive, we were in a trusting, caring and loving relationship that was going to last all of our lives. Until the day he left me for another woman.

I’m not sure of the point of this tread.
You say you are happy in your marriage, trust your spouse and have no issue with him dreaming about this person. The only issue you have, seems to be that you aren’t contacted first. That’s easily sorted by informing the tutor.
However, you then seem to become argumentative when people respond.
What are you trying to achieve?

It sounds like your DH is finding it quite amusing - I doubt he'd tell you he's dreamt about her if he was actually thinking about going there! What would get to me is her behaviour. The flirtiness would piss me off. It's really unprofessional from education staff.

I think I'd ask him to not answer the phone if she rings or just say he's busy and to call you. You can request with the school that calls go through you whenever possible.

I'm guessing that given the OP is perfectly cool, relaxed, not anxious, or fretful, perturbed, concerned worried or insecure in any way at all whatsoever absolutely at all about her husband's behaviour in this scenario, then what she is seeking is opinions on the behaviour of the woman. Perhaps some derogatory comments about predatory women making a play for guuleness married men, tempting them into fantasising about them would be in order? Maybe followed by a suggestion you report her to the college for trespassing in your husband dreams?

I mean crushes are normal but I’d draw the line at DH telling me he was dreaming of someone else….! If you’re cool with it then that’s fine. I don’t think anyone expects a long term partner to only ever find them attractive but I think dreaming of someone crosses a bit of a comfort line?? Or it would for most people at least??

5128gap
I suspect similarly.
There's no shortage of people on here who are full of the "my husband is amazing and I trust him but I don't trust this woman so pile on about her to make me feel better ' lines.

The contact order at school is easy to check and fix.

I suspect this also.

Ha! I’d be fine with it - one less job for me! My OH would be equally as open about his crush with me and I’d find it rather funny. It doesn’t really matter whether she’s being specifically flirty with him or whether she’s like that with everyone…the fact that he’s enjoying the attention, fancies her and is a bit disconcerted by it all at the same time would be enough to make me giggle every time I saw it up close and in person. Teasing rights for WEEKS!

To the pp who said, shock horror, he’s not only dreaming but also probably having a few cheeky wanks over her…erm…all our men are having many, many, many wanks while thinking about other women. I’m sorry to break it to you. There’s at least two wanks a day, and you can’t have a wank bank full of the same footage, right? It’d get boring after a while.

I would be devastated if my other half told me they had a dream about another attractive woman we know

Well
I think it’s really fucking off to target , even subtly , a married father of a student
so she’s a bit of a cunt
and Unprofessional

and what was going through his head to tell you he dreamt about her ? Does he have a a brain and any sensitivity ? That’s totally insensitive
it’s normal to have crushes
but be discreet ffs
Is he usually unkind ?
when calmer is lay it down
would he like it if the tables were turned ?
no

Just because she is fun and friendly with him doesn't mean she fancies him. I'm nearly 40 and there's an 18 year old girl at work who is the same with me. I wouldn't for a second think she actually fancied me!! Although it would mean she had great taste 🤣

Contact with the WFH parent just makes sense- more likely he is available. As to the rest, I'd tell your DH not to be a ketch as it's disrespectful to both of you