DH fancies sons college course leader

[Collegetutor1]

This is more about would this bother you and if so what would you do?

My son recently started at the local college. His college tutor is great, lots of contact on progress, very friendly, helpful and supportive. She’s also extremely attractive.

A few days ago I received an email asking if we (DH and I) were attending a Christmas activity (which was yesterday). I replied saying I didn’t think I’d be able to as I was in work but hopefully his dad could go as he works from home. She responded with great, I really look forward to seeing ‘name of DH’ (which I hadn’t put in the response) and having a catch up. Nothing untoward here, just friendly.

I happened to be able to take time off last minute so we all attended (DH, DS and myself). She immediately came over on arrival to greet us. She was clearly more focused on DH (eye contact and basically was talking to him rather than addressing us both, I felt a bit like a spare part).

The context.

She will often call DH first for anything college related (despite me being the first named contact and always answering my phone). It’s a special needs college so phone calls can be frequent. She is quite flirty (although this may just be her personality and is possibly like it with everyone).

DH clearly is attracted to her (she’s absolutely stunning- anyone would be!). He has now told me he started to dream about her.

I don’t think for one second anything sinister or untoward is going on. She’s clearly shown an interest (general stuff like what’s your job, hobbies etc) and DH obviously has a crush on her.

Do I just let this pass? How would you respond?

wtf?😂

OP if you're first named contact she needs to abide by that

I would send a general message to school admin saying that communication should go to you and to DH only if you're not available. Keep doing this until she gets the hint and does it. No need to name her but it needs to stop.

My son is special needs and has had young attractive teachers can't imagine any of them behaving like this with DH or me it's not professional. Don't be a mug.

But you clearly feel uncomfortable because you're on MN asking for advice.

What does your husband think is an appropriate response to him starting to have dreams about an attractive woman who regularly contacts him rather than you?

I'm more pissed off with her addressing him and ignoring you where you were both there. It's just rude.

Agree with others - it's unprofessional for a teacher to be flirty with a parent.

Because there is absolutely no need! You are now posting asking advice about it so it's obviously bothered you.

@Collegetutor1

Tell him you have secret fantasises about some you know in real life in a half joking manner, so he doesn't know whether you are serious or joking,

You could in joking way compare him to your husband

See how he likes it

However the OP feels about it, this “cool wife” insult is one I’d love to see dead and buried. It’s awful to call another woman that just because they may have different opinions, feelings or just generally be more secure than you are. It’s appalling.

I know a young, pretty woman who worked at a specialist school who recently married one of the dads she met through work. It does happen, OP.

Ok so
You know he fancies her and she seems attracted to him.
You won't take over contact and reduce contact between them.
You wouldn't want him to not tell you about his sex dreams about her.
My suggestion is to emulate her style or tone in the bedroom and get on with it

I'm not really sure what the question is here anymore?

Your DH fancies your son's college tutor. She seems to enjoy it or reciprocate. You don't care either way, you're not worried about how to handle it.

Is this thread just to bait people to say 'I wouldn't be happy with that' or 'I suggest stopping contact between them' just for you to reiterate that you're not just any wife, you're a cool wife?

Crack on - invite her for a threesome, open up your marriage or hit on her yourself, I dont think anyone really cares and were just trying to offer you support.

@Floopani😂😆

This.

DH can take control here… but from what you’ve said, he may not want to.

If you are genuinely not bothered, and it hasn’t made you uncomfortable; then that’s fine. But I suspect you are a bit bothered, even if you’d rather not be, and that’s why you’ve started the thread. That’ll be the root of your curiosity.

Look at it from her view for a mo. I had a colleague who was very, very attractive. Because she was used to attention from males and often hostility/jealousy from women, she would often gravitate to men rather than women. Although being male and heterosexual, I wasn't attracted to her because I spent 8+ hours a day in her company and she was too prefect(if you see what I am saying)
She just felt more comfortable and got a better response from talking to men than women. She didn't even notice it until I moaned that I got stuck trying to talk to the dullest woman in the world who worked for out client but had no small talk and no interests outside of work (this was in an after work dinner and drinks event btw)

"it’s clearly a novelty for him which he is embracing"

I bet he is.

If you're so cool with the situation then why post here. Face it, you aren't cool with it and most women wouldn't be either. She's not a movie star, she's a real person who is phoning your DH. My advice - don't be so self assured about this. Men (even cool, metrosexual ones) think with their dicks.

Exactly! Pointless thread.

Based on the fact he felt comfortable enough to mention his sexy dream (and the way you describe her OP) I would take it that this woman is unusually attractive and out of your husband’s league on the looks front (sorry no offence intended to OP). If you were having sexy dreams about someone you have contact with who is in your league I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t mention it.

Your relationship sounds strong so have some fun, maybe post him a phoney love note from the college leader detailing the ‘sexy’ dream she’s also been having about him!

So far...

I mean it’s not very professional to flirt with a client/clients parent let’s face it but hey if you two are happy to play this game crack on.

It’s not a game I’d want to take part in.

‘maybe post him a phoney love note from the college leader detailing the ‘sexy’ dream she’s also been having about him!’

WTF? Sure, why not just drop him off at her house, with a box of condoms? 🤣

So why are you asking if you should let this pass? If it didn't bother you, you wouldn't be giving it a second thought.

Tbh OP, I wouldn't be crazy about being married to a man who simply can't think what to do about an attractive woman flirting with him other than fantasise about her and tell you so you can ask MN. What a wet lettuce you make him sound. Surely he just does what almost every woman ever has had to do at some point in her life, when she's received attention she isn't free to accept? Let them know in no uncertain terms that you're not interested and keep you mind on your partner. Why can't your husband do that?

And get him to tell you all about it when he gets home because you're not like "most" people who wouldn't like that sort of thing.

Yet here you are..."not" fretting 😂

Because it would hurt your feelings ?