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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner thinks I've cheated on him.

94 replies

Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:09

My partner thinks I'm cheating on him because I've changed my profile pic on Facebook to a picture of me and my cousin. He said I'm a lying cheating whore who can't be trusted.
Were supposed to be going away on the 23rd till 28th, now he's saying he's not going anywhere with me. I've never cheated on him, we're supposed to be getting married next year.

OP posts:
Bumgrabs · 22/12/2023 04:10

Well he sounds like a knob who you shouldn’t marry

Scarydinosaurs · 22/12/2023 04:11

Do you live together? Is it the first time he’s accused you of cheating?

Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:14

Yes we live together, we've been in a relationship for 4years

OP posts:
Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:16

He makes jokes if I go out with my family or friends, says tell your side piece I said hi

OP posts:
OverTheGrip · 22/12/2023 04:20

Is this a recent thing or has he always been like this?

Scarydinosaurs · 22/12/2023 04:20

Has he left? He sounds massively insecure and the language is wholly unacceptable.

It is sad when relationships end, however here is a good example of when it’s for the best. Call off the wedding and start enjoying a life where you’re not in hyper vigilant mode worrying about his reaction.

Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:24

Hes always made a point of wanting to announce things on Facebook like our engagement, and if we tag each other in posts have to put a certain amount of x's on there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:26

I went out with family members this afternoon and said I should be home by a certain time but I was back aboit an hour later. I got home he said have you had a good time, I said yes thankyou. He said what happened to being home by 4, I said sorry are you annoyed with me. He said not annoyed just upset but were ok

OP posts:
Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:27

@Scarydinosaurs no hes not left. I'm on bed he's downstairs

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 22/12/2023 04:29

Who owns the house?

Can you ask him to leave?

Topsy1976 · 22/12/2023 04:29

Don't marry this man. The controlling will only get worse and you'll wake up in 5 years and think that you saw all the signs and ignored them.

Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:31

Its a rented house, we are both on the tenancy

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 22/12/2023 04:37

How do you feel about him?

PieAndLattes · 22/12/2023 04:37

Do not marry this man. That’s controlling behaviour and will get worse. See this as your wake up call and get the hell out. He’s doing this to manipulate you into doing what he wants and he’ll enjoy the control as you attempt to appease and reassure him - you’ll be doing a lot of that from now on. He will love that. Get rid of him now.

WandaWonder · 22/12/2023 04:38

Honestly do you really have to be told what to do?

Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:39

I know I need to leave him but I have nowhere to go at all

OP posts:
everyredsock · 22/12/2023 04:52

You have got other places to go. There are options. Friends, family, by yourself. Staying with this man is not one. Do not marry him - you will have a miserable life. And absolutely do not have children with him. He is showing a flavour of what life will be like when you're married and it will be awful.

Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 05:06

I told him something my ex did a couple years ago, and he's been shouting about it. Calling me scummy, vile, a scumbag whore, amongst other things. I feel physically sick

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 22/12/2023 05:51

Okay, so first of all you can't get married to him. Have you made any arrangements that need to be cancelled?

Now think about where can you go to. What about family? What about friends? Do you know anyone who rents out a spare room? How much notice do you have to give your landlord? How much spare money do you have or access to credit?

FairyMaclary · 22/12/2023 06:03

Are you safe? Please call the police immediately if you feel you could be unsafe. If he is shouting and intimidating please call them immediately.

He’s either a very paranoid man (weed smoker?).

Or he is judging you by what he does in your situation. Ie dressed up to the nines, a night out with mates and after a drink he hits on the ladies. He lacks the ability to see his way isn’t the only way of enjoying a night out (as a woman I’d prefer a night out without sleezy men tbh).

The words he uses suggest he doesn’t like women. Whore, slag etc.

(Edited as read your updates.)You cannot prove it without giving up friends, family, freedom and eventually your job to show this man he is everything to yiu. He will still say you spent too long in Sainsbury’s and did you see the way the postman looks at you (it’s your fault for answering the door in a dressing gown).

Get out of this asap. Move home if it’s an option. You don’t want this chap - he’s not worth it.

The kisses - can anyone else explain this? It baffles me but I know people who think the number of kisses are significant. And anything less than a certain number means something. I totally get people are different but I want to understand this better.

pinkyredrose · 22/12/2023 06:05

Artic06 · 22/12/2023 05:06

I told him something my ex did a couple years ago, and he's been shouting about it. Calling me scummy, vile, a scumbag whore, amongst other things. I feel physically sick

Please leave. Please don't marry him.

He'll isolate you and your life will be hell. Have you enough for a deposit or could you put it on credit card? When does your tenancy end?

Bananalanacake · 22/12/2023 06:06

You need to leave, he is controlling, can you cancel the wedding venue

FairyMaclary · 22/12/2023 06:07

Call those family member you were out with today. If you were my relative I’d be in my car picking you up immediately. Be honest with them. DO NOT minimise. You may find they think he’s a dick anyway but hide it well to keep you safe/keep the peace.

You would be on my sofa/spare bed until we sorted you out and made sure you were okay. Let your family help you.

zerored · 22/12/2023 06:07

Run away from this man, a life with him would be terrible.

FairyMaclary · 22/12/2023 06:11

Edited my earlier post as it took me far too long to write and you reposted in the meantime . I must have fallen back to sleep. Please leave op.