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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner thinks I've cheated on him.

94 replies

Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:09

My partner thinks I'm cheating on him because I've changed my profile pic on Facebook to a picture of me and my cousin. He said I'm a lying cheating whore who can't be trusted.
Were supposed to be going away on the 23rd till 28th, now he's saying he's not going anywhere with me. I've never cheated on him, we're supposed to be getting married next year.

OP posts:
CatMadam · 22/12/2023 06:27

This is how my dad isolated my mum from her friends for almost thirty years. Do not marry this insecure and controlling man. You deserve better!

Hallmark1234 · 22/12/2023 06:32

I echo what everyone else has posted upthread.

Please leave him, he's showing you what your life is going to be for the next 50 odd years if you marry him.....and likely to get a lot worse!

Leave while you can and before you have children with him.

muddyford · 22/12/2023 06:39

I wouldn't go anywhere with him. Chuck him out. And certainly don't marry him.

WaltzingWaters · 22/12/2023 06:42

Topsy1976 · 22/12/2023 04:29

Don't marry this man. The controlling will only get worse and you'll wake up in 5 years and think that you saw all the signs and ignored them.

This. He sounds like a controlling knob. Glad he showed his true colours before you married.

Fraaahnces · 22/12/2023 06:44

Bin him. It will get worse when you’re married and worse again if you have kids. He’s controlling, abusive and a misogynist prick right now. Give him back the ring and cancel wedding plans.

category12 · 22/12/2023 06:45

He's a controlling abusive man.

When you say you don't have anywhere to go, couldn't family/friends take you in for a short time while you sort something out?

Or do you have kids together?

fashu · 22/12/2023 06:46

I echo what everyone is saying, from your post, this man sounds emotionally abusive and controlling, he seems very possessive and it will only get worse.

But please only leave if its safe to do so right now. If not there are charities that can help people leave. From experience men like this don't like being left.

Ambi · 22/12/2023 06:54

Run as fast as you can from this twat.

Worriedsick78 · 22/12/2023 07:22

Please work out a way to leave him. Please.

3luckystars · 22/12/2023 07:26

Well I’m glad you know you have to leave. That’s a good start.

Lots of people change and maybe he wasn’t this bad before, but now he is and will only get worse.

Many many women have left relationships like this, you can too. You have to and you will do it.
All the best.

Getamoveon36 · 22/12/2023 07:35

Artic06 · 22/12/2023 04:24

Hes always made a point of wanting to announce things on Facebook like our engagement, and if we tag each other in posts have to put a certain amount of x's on there.

That’s weird.

TrishyLou1111 · 22/12/2023 07:37

Artic06 · 22/12/2023 05:06

I told him something my ex did a couple years ago, and he's been shouting about it. Calling me scummy, vile, a scumbag whore, amongst other things. I feel physically sick

Are you okay, OP?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 22/12/2023 07:37

Leave.

Facebook means nothing, so that side of things is him wanting to control how everyone else sees your relationship. They say the healthiest relationships have barely any activity on SM.

Him being upset that you were out with your family for an hour longer than planned is a massive red flag.

I had a boyfriend who thought I was going to "run off" with anyone I spoke to. He wanted to come on every outing with friends, wanted to move in straight away etc. Turned out he was cheating on me. And I wasn't upset, I was relieved I didn't have to deal with him anymore.

I'll say it again. Leave. At a run. Now.

Snowdogsmitten · 22/12/2023 07:53

This guy is so abusive.

FedUpMumof10YO · 22/12/2023 07:53

I'd put money on him being the one cheating.

Original poster
Artic06 · 22/12/2023 08:17

@TrishyLou1111 I'm ok thankyou, I've just stayed upstairs he's asleep. I'm talking with my friend she's disgusted in the whole thing. Said if I need to I can stay at hers

OP posts:
Dery · 22/12/2023 08:19

“Okay, so first of all you can't get married to him. Have you made any arrangements that need to be cancelled?

Now think about where can you go to. What about family? What about friends? Do you know anyone who rents out a spare room? How much notice do you have to give your landlord? How much spare money do you have or access to credit?”

This. He sounds vile and obviously hates women. He is a dangerous partner to have because he thinks it’s okay for him to treat you like this and he is a step away from getting physical. If he is scaring you, you can call the police. Don’t try to confront him or anything now - but if you can get away to a friend or family member, it would be a good idea to do that.

Dery · 22/12/2023 08:20

Just seen your update. Can you pack and go to your friend’s house before he wakes up? You’re safest away from him.

Avatartar · 22/12/2023 08:35

He’s calling you a whore- no respect for you, doesn’t like you- man you just need to leave him- he’s terrible - you’ll feel loads better- shake him off your foot and flick him back under a hedge to fester in his own misogynist ugly head

category12 · 22/12/2023 08:37

Artic06 · 22/12/2023 08:17

@TrishyLou1111 I'm ok thankyou, I've just stayed upstairs he's asleep. I'm talking with my friend she's disgusted in the whole thing. Said if I need to I can stay at hers

Op, I think you should pack some things and go to your mate. He's not a safe person to be around.

itsmyp4rty · 22/12/2023 08:43

You have a wonderful friend and a horrible partner - make sure you pick the right one to stay with as this will only get worse.

PragmaticWench · 22/12/2023 08:51

People (men or women) with this DEEP level of insecurity don't change, they just get worse. He's already using language against you that shows his nasty and abusive view of you. He thinks that is acceptable.

Yetanothernamechangeagain · 22/12/2023 09:02

Abusive men like this can escalate if they know you are leaving so I would grab the minimum of things and get yourself out to your friends asap and if he wakes don’t tell him you are leaving, just go.

You can go back for your stuff with a male relative or friends later.

Be prepared for him to love bomb you or become “suicidal” to try to get you back. If he is love bombing reread this thread and if he threatens suicide you can phone the police to do a welfare check. Just make sure you don’t get hoovered back in as he will not change.

FartSock5000 · 22/12/2023 09:10

@Artic06 he knows you aren't a cheater. Nothing you say or do will appease him because its about control.

You are 100% in an abusive relationship and there is a good possibility he has cheated and is projecting onto you.

You know you need to leave him. Look into doing The Freedom Programme as well. This will help you avoid future bams who prefer controlling you over loving you.

Best of luck, OP. I hope we hear back from you in 2024 and that you are free and having a better life.

Fivepigeons · 22/12/2023 09:16

Please do not marry this man. This is abusive. He is abusive and it will escalate. Please find a way to leave him.