AIBU-Xmas Day Woes

[fingerflicker]

This Xmas I have my 1st Xmas Day with my youngest son - lovely I hear you say

I am also lucky enough to have my DD stay over Xmas Eve (modern families and all that)
With my wife and step daughters (3) -all under 16

The issue is this - my wife believes I'm being selfish as will have to make an hours round trip before lunch to take DD back to her Mums - and whilst there I will see my grown up teenage sons for an hour

AIBU to have an hour with them - wife believes as its youngests 1st that I shouldn't be more than a few minutes drop off and straight back - especially as we will host teenage sons on Boxing Day ...

My rationale is that I don't get to see them on Xmas Day morning - wife has FT custody of one and the other girls are with us all Xmas Eve, Xmas Day and Boxing Day - a couple of hours out of 24 I don't see as an issue

I'd welcome input thanks- it's caused huge issue

He’s saying he’ll do all the lunch prep before he goes even though he should be focusing on his DD, what more can reasonably be expected of him when he has children that live elsewhere

Who should do it then if everyone should be focusing on their children? 2 of his wife's children don't live with her full-time either.

YANBU Op. I grew up in a blended family and it was......chaotic at the best of times. There are so many people you have to consider and balance the needs of and I do believe that pre existing children trump the stepmother here

I do have some questions, however.

1. How old are your wife's children? I see you say that they are all under 16 but presumably at least one would be old enough to help out with Christmas prep?
2. Will there be any other adults at your house on Christmas Day? If so, your wife is VERY unreasonable.
3. I'm guessing the reason why the convolution of your kids spending time with you is down to space at your home. 4 kids already living under your roof - I mean, how big is your house? I wouldn't be surprised if your teen sons don't really fancy sharing rooms with girls - or cannot by law - or risk being woken up by a baby.

There is not one mum on here that would not insist she spent some time with teen children on Christmas day. OP you are right to spend time with your sons .

Yawn at these posts. Sort it out like adults and stop the selfish, childish behaviour.

If you already have three children, and chose to have more with someone who also has kids already, Christmas is always going to be a bit of a juggle. Your partner is being ridiculously childish. I’m sure if her ex was refusing to see his kids for an hour on Xmas Day despite the opportunity, and used the excuse that his partner didn’t allow it, she’d have all sorts of things to say about it.

I'm utterly exhausted just reading this.

Eight children between you, some living with you, some living elsewhere, arguments over which children should be prioritised on Christmas Day.

Imagine being told by the person you are married too that you are being unreasonable to spend AN HOUR with your children on Christmas Day, and then choosing to have another child with this person!

No wonder kids grow up so fucked up these days when this is the way people live. All this blended family nonsense makes me sad,

you said the chores were done. How would wife feel if she could only see her kids for a few mins on Xmas day.

she knew you had kids so why does she think the kid you have had together will take precedence over all the other children.

OK, so you have 3 older children aged 9 to teenage, your wife has 3 children aged under 16, so that's 6 children between you, and you decided to have a baby together. I'm sorry but I think that's complete madness. Unless you're very well off there's no way you could comfortably house them all. You said that your ex has the children "full time" and you also seem unhappy with the arrangements for Christmas, but if you were serious about spending proper time with your children, you'd ensure you could accommodate them rather than moving in with and marrying a woman who already has 3 kids and then having another child with her. So you didn't see your kids last Christmas, and you want to see them this year, but you have chosen your new family over them, and whatever you do at Christmas, it's not going to make a huge difference.

Your wife is right that you can't spend hours driving to and fro and try and snatch a hour here and there with each child. You need to try and make arrangements so that you can spend quality time with them all in a way that's in the best interests of the children. If you don't have a formal contact arrangement in place with your ex, or if you do and it's not working for you and/or the kids, then go to mediation to try and change it. But if I was your ex I'd be asking how you'd accommodate them all. And whether you plan to have any more children with your new wife. If she gets pregnant, whether planned or accidentally, it would be the 5th child for each of you and the 8th child in the household. As it is, you have 7 (4 biologically yours) and I don't know how you can split yourself between them all. You'll have to work that one out.

I hope you managed to please everyone (including yourself).
Christmas is about family and kids and I’m so pleased to read that you wanted to include everyone (not just the ones you live with).

I’m sorry but if a new wife has a problem with you prioritising your children once you’re married she’d be an ex-wife