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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How much does size matter?

81 replies

cocktailsausagee · 21/12/2023 08:58

I need help/answers/wise words/to be told to not overthink and get on with it...

I've been seeing a man for about 3 months. Both divorced, both the main carers for our children. We've taken it really slow in some aspects. Think lots of long phone calls, lots of walks, dinners, just spending time together as and when we could around our children and work etc. I've been to his house, he's been to mine and I am beginning to fall hard for him. He's great.

Now.. the problem. As you may expect we have been intimate a fair few times during this period, but we have not had sex. We've been a bit old fashioned and held off a little as we're both new to dating again. However, he is on the small side, as in the smallest I've seen. In risk of sounding like Samantha from SATC, I'm worried it'll put a dampener on things. I'm worried from my perspective too, my ex husband was quite well endowed and I've had 2 kids and 2 3rd degree tears. What if I'm too big? What if that part just doesn't work for us?

I feel I'm overthinking but the more I try not to think about it, the more I am worrying!

OP posts:
PossumintheHouse · 21/12/2023 13:42

Oh goody. I’ve had PMs asking about the perfect dick size after posting on this thread. That’ll teach me eh. 🙄😂🧐

TasteOfHerCherryChapstick · 21/12/2023 13:45

@PossumintheHouse was it MarkBritts by any chance? I've got just had the same. Reported and blocked.... Sad little man

PossumintheHouse · 21/12/2023 13:46

TasteOfHerCherryChapstick · 21/12/2023 13:45

@PossumintheHouse was it MarkBritts by any chance? I've got just had the same. Reported and blocked.... Sad little man

Good old Marky. Or Terry, as he is apparently also called.

tattygrl · 21/12/2023 14:29

I think it can also depend on your own sexual preferences. I enjoy penetration a lot and like to feel it deeply, so it would probably bother me more than it would a woman who enjoys clitoral stimulation the most. I still wouldn't write off a man with a small one, though! All depends on the specific combination of the two of you together, and the possible option of toys, different positions, etc. Go in with good faith and see!

porridgeisbae · 21/12/2023 14:32

@cocktailsausagee I think a woman's vagina bounces back after birth really. But small men are definitely not as impressive, both in the sensation and to look at. The most important thing to me nowadays though would be that they don't have ED, and ideally, have stamina.

a222 · 21/12/2023 14:32

hahaaaa!! glad i’m not the only one Markbritts has messaged, he deleted 3 pm’s before i could read his beautiful literature, oh noooo 🙄

porridgeisbae · 21/12/2023 14:34

eww a perv arrived? Ugh.

porridgeisbae · 21/12/2023 14:36

I don't like receiving oral so PIV is everything to me, nothing else would impress.

PossumintheHouse · 21/12/2023 14:36

a222 · 21/12/2023 14:32

hahaaaa!! glad i’m not the only one Markbritts has messaged, he deleted 3 pm’s before i could read his beautiful literature, oh noooo 🙄

It’ll be the same trio of delights we have all received. He has been banished now. 😂

porridgeisbae · 21/12/2023 14:38

I'm bi so size obviously doesn't matter to me

@eatdrinkandbemerry I'm bi and still enjoy size. The good thing about strap ons is you can pick the size, plus they never...let you down. Smile

RowanMayfair · 21/12/2023 14:38

Chemistry is the all important factor but if I'm totally honest I'd be frustrated with a very small one.

HarrumphryBogart · 21/12/2023 15:08

I had a fling with a man with a micropenis after having 3 children and he didn't complain. BUT if it weren't for his gift with oral I would have been very disappointed.

TheSilentSister · 21/12/2023 19:37

It sounds quite sad but it wasn't until I was in my 50's and had lots of experience that I met a man with a wide girth and boy, was that a game changer. To the point that it's spoilt me for anything else. I feel like I will forever be disappointed. It doesn't matter about the foreplay or whatever, it's the PIV that counts for me.
You need to decide what's right for you and go on from there.

porridgeisbae · 21/12/2023 19:44

@TheSilentSister I feel like that about the amount of stamina most men have to keep going with the cardio activity involved in going at it for half an hour or however-long-it-is (I'm not counting if they're good lol) too. I've only had that with one guy since my 20s, and sadly he turned out to be a sociopath.

TroglodytesTroglodytes · 21/12/2023 20:03

It’s surprising that so many posters have had experience with a man with micro penis. I’ve just googled and only 0.6% of men have one.

Indifferentchickenwings · 21/12/2023 20:10

I'm currently seeing (and having even better sex) with a woman..

that’s a very good point actually

i do wonder if a man (maybe smaller in size ) would mind it through ? A dildo I mean

A woman certainly won’t care

OhpoorMe · 21/12/2023 20:11

TroglodytesTroglodytes · 21/12/2023 20:03

It’s surprising that so many posters have had experience with a man with micro penis. I’ve just googled and only 0.6% of men have one.

Would you call 4 'so many posters'?

porridgeisbae · 21/12/2023 20:22

@TroglodytesTroglodytes Maybe we're exaggerating but a small one is very perturbing when you see it.

Also you never know, a lot of us might have got off with the micropenis guys because they find it harder to find a partner long term who'll put up with it.

My last ex was probably about 3 ins erect and 3.5 ins girth or something, but it was very striking, especially as I only saw it succeed in being erect about twice.

Theresit · 21/12/2023 20:32

If your uterus is sitting low as a result of childbirth you might find a smaller one is better anyway OP.

Burntouted · 21/12/2023 21:56

You have to wait until you can try it out to determine if his size matters and is adaquate enough for you.

Size does matter.. because it matters to each individual. .

Also, the size of a man's penis will always matter to him.
Everyone has their own personal preference, his may not be yours.

I know that you two are taken things slowly...but the sooner the better. .

Sexual incompatibilities are often dealbreakers in relationships.

If you feel like you're going to be comparing him to other men, and wishing to be with a well endowed male.. then it's better to find someone else more suitable..as things won't work out.

You won't be happy...ultimately...
He won't be happy and will feel less or an incomplete man(assuming that he doesn't already)..ultimately

Better to know now before the relationship progresses.

C1N1C · 21/12/2023 22:16

I can guarantee you, he knows his size, and he is ten times more self-conscious about what he has than you. He'll ALWAYS assume any lack of pleasure is his fault rather than yours.

To be honest, I think it's sweet that you're equally worried about your bits as he is no doubt worried about his.

It's one of those things that can change... A/B cups, stretched out vaginas... or small, wonky, premature penises. You can't help what you have, and you can't help what you like.

C1N1C · 21/12/2023 22:20

*that you can't change

GreenwichOrTwicks · 22/12/2023 09:43

I agree that he will be worried about size. A man I knew with a very small penis was completely obsessed by it. He was absolutely drop dead gorgeous - fantastic body but massively insecure. He was desperate for affection but avoided sex -because of fear of failure. I assumed he was gay but he did actually very much fancy me and did get erections spontaneously when we were together not only in bed but random times - it was just complete lack of experience and crippling anxiety that made him reluctant.
He did gain confidence and was ultimately relaxed being naked with me but he was obsessed with the fact that I would meet someone better than him and was very jealous of other guys looking at me.
But he really did feel defined by penis size. For example, I needed some info to put him on my car insurance so he gave me his licence and I said insurance company might need a few more details (of course I meant other cars owned etc) and he instantaneously (it really was instant) came back with ‘2inches, 3erect’. This was completely unrelated to anything we had been discussing but is clearly on his mind 24/7.

PossumintheHouse · 22/12/2023 09:49

GreenwichOrTwicks · 22/12/2023 09:43

I agree that he will be worried about size. A man I knew with a very small penis was completely obsessed by it. He was absolutely drop dead gorgeous - fantastic body but massively insecure. He was desperate for affection but avoided sex -because of fear of failure. I assumed he was gay but he did actually very much fancy me and did get erections spontaneously when we were together not only in bed but random times - it was just complete lack of experience and crippling anxiety that made him reluctant.
He did gain confidence and was ultimately relaxed being naked with me but he was obsessed with the fact that I would meet someone better than him and was very jealous of other guys looking at me.
But he really did feel defined by penis size. For example, I needed some info to put him on my car insurance so he gave me his licence and I said insurance company might need a few more details (of course I meant other cars owned etc) and he instantaneously (it really was instant) came back with ‘2inches, 3erect’. This was completely unrelated to anything we had been discussing but is clearly on his mind 24/7.

Thanks for this. Just snorted coffee all over my phone screen.
Imagines calling Churchill with all of his info

Janinejones · 22/12/2023 11:41

eatdrinkandbemerry · 21/12/2023 13:39

I'm bi so size obviously doesn't matter to me 🤣
It's more about foreplay and how they want to satisfy you and not just themselves

Further to my previous:
As another Bi. Lips, hands and whole body held close will be enough for me.
I hope you both reach satisfaction over the holiday.

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