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Original poster

Husband sleeping with phone under pillow? - ladies what would you think/do

86 replies

alexis97 · 21/12/2023 00:41

Been having a pretty rough patch in my marriage since my husband started his new job. He has lots of new coworkers male and female. We are currently working on our marriage to improve it for us and the sake of our kids, he says I'm the only woman for him, I'm perfect, there's a reason why he asked me to marry him so soon etc.

He sleeps with his phone under his pillow, this is something he has been doing since he started his new role. I will be confronting him in the morning. What would you think?

OP posts:
MintJulia · 21/12/2023 00:45

Anything from worrying about over sleeping and setting his alarm to wake him but not you, to dealing with the US calling him at all hours, to a new love interest.

It could be anything but odd to be worrying about it over Christmas unless it's a new woman. You know your dh best. Go with your gut.

ZebraD · 21/12/2023 00:46

Doesn’t sound good.

Tempytempy · 21/12/2023 00:47

I sometimes used to play a podcast from my phone, and put it under my pillow so I didn’t disturb my partner. Could it be something like that?

Original poster
alexis97 · 21/12/2023 00:48

Tempytempy · 21/12/2023 00:47

I sometimes used to play a podcast from my phone, and put it under my pillow so I didn’t disturb my partner. Could it be something like that?

It constantly goes off, vibrates and makes noise. Its getting beyond a joke.

OP posts:
Original poster
alexis97 · 21/12/2023 00:49

Tempytempy · 21/12/2023 00:47

I sometimes used to play a podcast from my phone, and put it under my pillow so I didn’t disturb my partner. Could it be something like that?

It seems to be text notifications and messaging apps from recognising the different tones.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 21/12/2023 00:50

Tempytempy · 21/12/2023 00:47

I sometimes used to play a podcast from my phone, and put it under my pillow so I didn’t disturb my partner. Could it be something like that?

I do this every night. If it's under my pillow I can hear my podcast but DH can't.

Sashya · 21/12/2023 00:50

I'd not confront just yet. Observe and see if you notice anything else.
Otherwise - whatever it is he'll just deny anything and you would still worry.

OracleofWurms1 · 21/12/2023 00:52

@alexis97 Security Services, or Military related ?

Sashya · 21/12/2023 00:53

Oh - just saw your update. If it beeps, etc - I'd just be asking him to put his phone away as it's annoying and disturbing my sleep.
FWIW - most men that are up to no good turn off Notifications. It's Affairs 101

Original poster
alexis97 · 21/12/2023 00:53

OracleofWurms1 · 21/12/2023 00:52

@alexis97 Security Services, or Military related ?

He used to be in the army, but when he left in august of this year he would sleep with it on his bedside, he then started his new job in a prison with male and female colleagues and that's when the phone under pillow has started.

OP posts:
Original poster
alexis97 · 21/12/2023 00:58

Sashya · 21/12/2023 00:53

Oh - just saw your update. If it beeps, etc - I'd just be asking him to put his phone away as it's annoying and disturbing my sleep.
FWIW - most men that are up to no good turn off Notifications. It's Affairs 101

This is what I've been trying to tell myself. When we had our discussion tonight about working on our marriage he rang me from his office at work after our conversation about the issues we've had and told me how much he missed me, that he's sorry he's been so ignorant to miss all the signs of our marriage and that he has been caught up with work stress, that he loves me so much and I'm the only woman for him, I'm beautiful, there's a reason why he asked me to marry him 8 months in to our relationship declaring his love for me and that I'm beautiful inside and out (I'm 34 weeks pregnant) and these marriage issues we've had have been awful.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 21/12/2023 01:12

I would be fishing it out for fire safety, if nothing else. I keep mine at my bedside but can get notifications from overseas relatives. It lives in a folded handkerchief these days which muffles the vibration and Silence it.

OracleofWurms1 · 21/12/2023 01:13

alexis97 · 21/12/2023 00:53

He used to be in the army, but when he left in august of this year he would sleep with it on his bedside, he then started his new job in a prison with male and female colleagues and that's when the phone under pillow has started.

Show quote history

Maybe the new role is a cover role or theres more to it all ? usually if your new role is risky then its best to trust no one with the specifics,

EconomyClassRockstar · 21/12/2023 01:20

I'd mostly worry he will end up with a brain tumor but that might just be me.

brainworms · 21/12/2023 01:22

Why are you having a rough patch? Has he cheated in the past?

AutumnColours9 · 21/12/2023 01:23

My exH did this when he was cheating. Was super guarded with his phone and slept with it under pillow. Multiple affairs unfortunately.

TheLocust · 21/12/2023 01:26

It constantly goes off, vibrates and makes noise. Its getting beyond a joke

That would drive me potty, disturbing my sleep. We don't take our phones into the bedroom at night.

MulledWineBeMine · 21/12/2023 01:42

I'd be thinking the obvious! (Another woman) I'd also be thinking huge fire risk)

id tell him to stop treating me like a fool & to FO.

he loves you you're beautiful is just him trying to get you to stop noticing he's being a dick.

TurnerP · 21/12/2023 01:58

Yes it is a fire hazard and risks radiation to the brain, if you are able to say this and convince him to not keep it under the pillow then you will be able to look into it more

ChateauDuMont · 21/12/2023 02:06

'Hello husband, since you've started your new job you have been sleeping with your phone under your pillow instead of on the side by your bed.

Apart from the disturbance it causes from all the notification alerts, why are you now doing this?'

Why can't you just say that to him? 🤷🏼‍♀️

PeopleAreWeird · 21/12/2023 02:25

Im on my phone alot

It beeps alot, and close to me when i sleep

It goes off at all hours

BUT
Im not having an affair
It doesnt disturb my partner and he doesnt seem to mind
He hasnt even got a mobile 🥴

Talk to your partner - Its not 100% an affair
You are heavily pregnant - Go easy on yourself

MMmomDD · 21/12/2023 02:28

Your H sounds quite stressed about his new job. Is he feeling particular pressure to provide for your growing family? Is the job less money than before?
What are the arguments/issues in the marriage about?

He is not behaving as a cheating spouse. As an army guy - he’d know how to cover his tracks - and that is NOT by having loud notifications in the bed at night - next to how spouse.
I think on this - your pregnancy brain is playing tricks on you.

Your other issues may be more valid, but this is just him being inconsiderate with your sleep. Just tell him that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2023 02:30

My ex husband did this, he was shagging someone else. I was pregnant, he loved me blah blah blah........

Original poster
alexis97 · 21/12/2023 02:31

MMmomDD · 21/12/2023 02:28

Your H sounds quite stressed about his new job. Is he feeling particular pressure to provide for your growing family? Is the job less money than before?
What are the arguments/issues in the marriage about?

He is not behaving as a cheating spouse. As an army guy - he’d know how to cover his tracks - and that is NOT by having loud notifications in the bed at night - next to how spouse.
I think on this - your pregnancy brain is playing tricks on you.

Your other issues may be more valid, but this is just him being inconsiderate with your sleep. Just tell him that.

The arguments have stemmed from him not respecting me, booking holidays with friends from his new job without letting me know and just expecting me to drop my plans and look after the kids, I bought tickets to a comedy show for his birthday, I had to end up selling the tickets because he chose to go away with people he had worked with for a month than go out on a well needed date night with his wife, he went very distant on me for a long time, romance went out the window, we were like 2 friends living under the same roof. Not forgetting him liking inappropriate pictures of a coworker and ringing and texting her outside of work about work. Since he's started this job he has become an arse. I love him so much but the last few months have been hell since he started this job

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2023 02:32

OracleofWurms1 · 21/12/2023 01:13

Maybe the new role is a cover role or theres more to it all ? usually if your new role is risky then its best to trust no one with the specifics,

Edited
Show quote history

Seriously?!

And I thought I had seen it all from women tying themselves in knots trying to convince themselves people that a husband isnt cheating. How long has your husband been in a secret services job that needs him to have his personal phone under his pillow and leave for last minute overnights @OracleofWurms1 ....sorry I mean, cheating on you?