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Original poster

Husband sleeping with phone under pillow? - ladies what would you think/do

86 replies

alexis97 · 21/12/2023 00:41

Been having a pretty rough patch in my marriage since my husband started his new job. He has lots of new coworkers male and female. We are currently working on our marriage to improve it for us and the sake of our kids, he says I'm the only woman for him, I'm perfect, there's a reason why he asked me to marry him so soon etc.

He sleeps with his phone under his pillow, this is something he has been doing since he started his new role. I will be confronting him in the morning. What would you think?

OP posts:
PeopleAreWeird · 21/12/2023 02:34

Christ - You missed a huge part in the original post

He goes on ‘holiday’ with his co workers and rings and texts female co workers outside of work 🥴

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2023 02:35

alexis97 · 21/12/2023 02:31

The arguments have stemmed from him not respecting me, booking holidays with friends from his new job without letting me know and just expecting me to drop my plans and look after the kids, I bought tickets to a comedy show for his birthday, I had to end up selling the tickets because he chose to go away with people he had worked with for a month than go out on a well needed date night with his wife, he went very distant on me for a long time, romance went out the window, we were like 2 friends living under the same roof. Not forgetting him liking inappropriate pictures of a coworker and ringing and texting her outside of work about work. Since he's started this job he has become an arse. I love him so much but the last few months have been hell since he started this job

Show quote history

It gets worse. He has found new toys to play with that are more fun than being a husband and father. I am guessing that they are younger and free with no kids?

Definitely inappropriate relationship with the female colleague too.

FiveShelties · 21/12/2023 02:38

I think him sleeping with his phone under his pillow is the least of your problems, having read your update.

LaurieStrode · 21/12/2023 02:38

PeopleAreWeird · 21/12/2023 02:34

Christ - You missed a huge part in the original post

He goes on ‘holiday’ with his co workers and rings and texts female co workers outside of work 🥴

Yeah, the phone is the least of your worries.

Do you have a career?

JanglingJack · 21/12/2023 02:48

alexis97 · 21/12/2023 00:48

It constantly goes off, vibrates and makes noise. Its getting beyond a joke.

Show quote history

There's your excuse to bring it up at least.

Slightly odd though, as I would have thought that if he is waiting on secret messages he would have put it on silent!

Isthisexpected · 21/12/2023 03:38

Personally I'd be asking to see his phone then and there when you talk about this. If he gets angry and panicky, goes down the how dare you not trust me I have a right to privacy route then I'd be saying and in marrying me you made me a promise to be faithful, which you veered away from already...

I'd be most concerned if he comes back an hour later very willing to show you his phone and there are no messages or notifications etc from the time of night when it was going off.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/12/2023 03:47

Isthisexpected · 21/12/2023 03:38

Personally I'd be asking to see his phone then and there when you talk about this. If he gets angry and panicky, goes down the how dare you not trust me I have a right to privacy route then I'd be saying and in marrying me you made me a promise to be faithful, which you veered away from already...

I'd be most concerned if he comes back an hour later very willing to show you his phone and there are no messages or notifications etc from the time of night when it was going off.

Yeah this. 100%

And please dont think that you need proof, because if this is what happens you will have your proof. The fact that he would need an hour on his own in order to clean his phone is all the proof you will need.

Remaker · 21/12/2023 03:53

My DH’s phone sometimes flashes during the night because he gets alerts about overseas sports. I get up in a huff and turn off notifications (I know his passcode). He doesn’t even blink an eye about me reaching for his phone because he’s not hiding anything. All you need to do is tell him the phone under the pillow is a fire risk and it’s beeping all night and keeping you awake. Ask him what the alerts are. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know. But with what you’ve shared I think his actions are speaking louder than his words.

brainworms · 21/12/2023 04:12

Bloody hell love, he's up to all sorts there - time to sling him out I think.

Copperoliverbear · 21/12/2023 04:32

I would not confront him yet, I'd bide my time and look for more evidence if there was any.

Bellyblueboy · 21/12/2023 04:38

I sleep with my phone under my pillow. It’s for the alarm.

I am single and life alone.

flowerchild2000 · 21/12/2023 04:44

I've heard of this starting fires, especially if it is charging. That's probably all I'd say. It's more likely anxiety on his part.

MrsMorrisey · 21/12/2023 06:07

EconomyClassRockstar · 21/12/2023 01:20

I'd mostly worry he will end up with a brain tumor but that might just be me.

I was thinking that too.

Original poster
alexis97 · 21/12/2023 07:37

brainworms · 21/12/2023 04:12

Bloody hell love, he's up to all sorts there - time to sling him out I think.

It's fine I've told his mam everything, she's asked him to go round after work when he's finished at lunch to tear him a new one, she also works in the same field as him as did his dad who is retired. They are not happy in the slightest about his behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
alexis97 · 21/12/2023 07:38

brainworms · 21/12/2023 04:12

Bloody hell love, he's up to all sorts there - time to sling him out I think.

He also slept through his alarm this morning for work because of his childish phone hiding behaviour. Jokes on him :)

OP posts:
Unwisebutnotillegal · 21/12/2023 07:51

Get your midwife to a full STI panel.

Gnomegnomegnome · 21/12/2023 07:51

When he was in the army was he away a lot?

Although his current behaviour is unacceptable (I wouldn’t tolerate the phone or the other stuff) I wondered if you were both trying to get used to a new normal?

daisychain01 · 21/12/2023 07:56

alexis97 · 21/12/2023 07:37

It's fine I've told his mam everything, she's asked him to go round after work when he's finished at lunch to tear him a new one, she also works in the same field as him as did his dad who is retired. They are not happy in the slightest about his behaviour.

Show quote history

A grown man with a wife and child on the way, being told off by his mother.

Give me strength. Words fail ...

Humanswarm · 21/12/2023 08:03

OP..doesn't look great does it? Your immediate concern is an affair. That's obvious from what you've written.
You can ask him nicely not to leave his phone under the pillow as it disturbs you. As previous posters have said and then observe reactions, or, slide the phone out whilst he sleeps and see what the notifications are of that would put your mind at rest/or not?

Affair or no affair, you have big issues and the most pressing one is respect.

C1N1C · 21/12/2023 08:04

I don't care what anyone says, I'm 100% of the opinion that if the relationship is good, you should be able to hand your phone over at any time to your partner.

If my partner was worried about something I'd have no issues with them telling me and asking for my phone. I have nothing to hide. Obviously around this time I'd be saying please don't look at 'Dave's' chat, as we might be planning something for you for Christmas, but no... we regularly swap phones for games and boredom etc...

wildwestpioneer · 21/12/2023 08:10

Is it say anything yet. Do you know his passcode? I'd fish it out one night and snoop. If he wakes tell him you're trying to turn it off as it's keeping you awake:

It does sound like it's an affair, sorry op. He also sounds like a twat in general so maybe this is the push you need to start putting yourself and dc first

growingonmyass · 21/12/2023 08:10

It seems to be text notifications and messaging apps from recognising the different tones.

He's an idiot in more ways than one then. Who has notification sounds turned on when they're trying to have a secret affair?

FreezyFord · 21/12/2023 08:20

@alexis97 it’s quite obvious he has no respect for you and is seeing other women.

you need to decide if this is really what you want from life. I really hope it’s not

purplehue · 21/12/2023 08:25

Major fire risk especially if it's on charge. It will over heat and set fire to the pillow and his head.

Sorrynotsore · 21/12/2023 08:29

Sorry this is absolutely suspicious