Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner admitted he thinks I’m a terrible person

107 replies

thisbetheverse · 20/12/2023 23:25

Heartbroken and don’t know how to act or move forward. We’ve been going through a difficult period and when discussing it today partner admitted that he found one on one time with me awful because I’m not a nice person when I’m not around other people.

i was feeling broken before but now it’s another level. We have a young daughter together. He is pushing for us to work it out even though I’m so depressed but yet he thinks I’m an awful person. I feel sick and gutted it’s come at Christmas. Has anyone ever moved passed something like this?

OP posts:
Thingumabob · 21/12/2023 10:20

What you wanted to know, OP, was whether anyone has moved past something like this. Yes, I have, in that I was depressed and no fun to be with, that's not the case any more, and I'm still with my partner.

No-one's depressed for no reason. Other posters have given examples of people who are argumentative/naggy/demanding/nasty in one-on-one situations but switch on the charm in wider company. They may or may not be depressed (sociopaths are often charming) but that's not an automatic consequence of depression, only one possible expression of it. You're much more likely to be sad, withdrawn, fearful, numb, than nasty. I'd guess those examples don't fit your situation.

Depressed people aren't fundamentally different from the non-depressed; like everyone else we 'make an effort' in company because of the strong social obligations to be pleasant. We've all learned to act. When you're alone with your life partner, you expect to be able to let your guard down, say how you feel & not be judged for it.

My path out of being a depressed person who was no fun to be with involved recognising that some people never seem to get depressed. They tend to be the ones who tell you, cheer up, put a smile on your face for goodness' sake. They refuse to be depressed; something in their psychology won't accept sadness. What they generally do - though they rarely accept this - is offload responsibility for their sadness onto someone else. This is a very successful strategy. Often enough, it's absolutely true: someone else IS to blame for their sadness, so a defiant, 'fuck 'you, I'm not gonna feel bad just because you're being a knob' attitude is just the ticket, and I heartily recommend it.

The downside comes when there isn't a blameworthy 'other' - when they really are the one at fault. Faced with the possibility of feeling sad (something they've probably been diligently avoiding since childhood), they do the blame thing anyway. To be blunt, they convince themselves it really is someone else's fault; they get quite good at this. It's important to be clear on this point: when they do this, they are taking a well-worn 'path of least resistance'; they are using someone else as a Get Out Of Jail card as a quick way back to contentment. This is shabby, however automatic an act it's become.

I've found that people tend to be either 'sources' (transmitters) or 'sinks' (receivers) of negative emotions like blame. Sources either generate negative emotion themselves or are Teflon-like in their ability to deflect it when others generate it. Unfortunately, sources can spot a handy sink at a hundred paces.

If your partner is someone like this, the next step is basically a numbers game. How often does this happen? Can you deal with being unjustly blamed once every six months? Probably. Twice a week? Probably not. You need a good friend or two, or a counsellor, as a 'sink' to discharge the pain of this.

Paradoxically, part of my recovery was taking a leaf out of the sources' book. There's an unlimited supply of negativity in the world - why should I be a plughole for it? It's easiest to adopt this attitude with relative strangers, of course. Hardest with my nearest & dearest - but it's working. There have been some tough conversations over the years but I think my partner now understands I'm not willing to be a 'sink'; that using me as one - however unconsciously - is not fair.

So we both had work to do. Mine involves learning how not to be a sink: to be blunt, how not to be - psychologically - a victim. That's a hard word, but a necessary one. A lovely counsellor introduced me to the concept of the Karpman Drama Triangle (Oppressor, Victim, Rescuer) and gently led me to an understanding of the Victim mindset I had developed over many years. There's no shame in this; I'm still climbing out, but I'm a lot happier.

Hope some of this helps! xox

PepperIsHere · 21/12/2023 10:21

No wonder you're depressed having to share space with such an arsehole on top of being sleep deprived.

A nice day every few weeks is not enough to sustain a relationship. He needs to up his game. What does he do to support you? How does he demonstrate his love for you?

Frankly I'd love you to leave him. He has no right to talk to you like that. Being honest is not the same as blurting out whatever is on your mind, that's just having no filter.
He has a responsibility to communicate respectfully.

perfectcolourfound · 21/12/2023 13:39

You say

He is generally quite a grumpy person but he says I need to not take it personally. I’ve tried to explain that his moods impact my moods but he doesn’t understand how it can when he’s telling me he’s not annoyed at me. But it creates a tension / atmosphere which is hard to live with every day

So he's a grumpy person but he thinks he should be as grumpy as he likes and it shouldn't affect your day?

But then when you're struggling or grumpy, he says that makes you a terrible person.

Can you see his double standards here? What does he say when you point them out to him?

Minglingpringle · 21/12/2023 14:45

perfectcolourfound · 21/12/2023 13:39

You say

He is generally quite a grumpy person but he says I need to not take it personally. I’ve tried to explain that his moods impact my moods but he doesn’t understand how it can when he’s telling me he’s not annoyed at me. But it creates a tension / atmosphere which is hard to live with every day

So he's a grumpy person but he thinks he should be as grumpy as he likes and it shouldn't affect your day?

But then when you're struggling or grumpy, he says that makes you a terrible person.

Can you see his double standards here? What does he say when you point them out to him?

I agree with this.

Left · 21/12/2023 14:56

Aw OP, I hope you’re feeling better today.

Please seek out counselling for yourself only, so you can make sense of your situation and work out what’s best for you going forward.

bonzaitree · 21/12/2023 15:46

Sorry OP but if he doesn’t like you as a person then I don’t think you can move past this.

TheGhostOfTheOpera · 21/12/2023 16:27

Let me get this right
1- he sees you as an extension of himself and has high level of expectation so you have to comply. Why but why?you’re not him. But a person in your own right.
2- he has a high expectations of himself but it’s ok for him to be grumpy and hard to be around. BUT it’s not ok for you to be like this… hmm…. 🤪🤪
3- you are supposed to know not take things personally but if it’s you, you are an awful person to be around.
4- things are actually good when he is happy and relaxed but when they are not, it’s your fault. Not him being grumpy at the root if the issue.

Can you see how he is holding you to standards he doesn’t meet himself?
Can you also see he is expecting you to put a lot of work in (see also your own answer to his comment. You’re ready to do exactly that!) whilst he is doing nothing to improve things?

By any means, go and see your GP. Get counselling you feel it would help YOU.
But if you want your marriage to get better, you need HIM to sort himself out too. You can’t be expected to solve it all on your own.

Janieforever · 21/12/2023 16:42

hang on. He didn’t say you were a terrible person, and that what everyone jumoed on. He said you were a terrible person to be around 1 on 1 , which is actually very different, and it’s due to the tone you use with him, and the words you use. And you are suffering from sleep deprivation and depresssion and in your own words, are upset a lot of the time.

it wasn’t an attack, he was expressing how it feels to him. Yes he could have phrased it better. But try to not dive off the deep end and understand he was taking about your behaviour and demeanour right now, not you as a human.

thisbetheverse · 21/12/2023 17:22

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. It’s been good to get different points or view on this. I think it’s both of us that are to blame for the situation we’re in.

I’ve taken steps already today in terms of thinking about what I say / how I say it, and it does seem to have made a difference. For example we both were up with her during the night, and this morning he didn’t come downstairs until 11am (I got up at 7). Usually I would make a remark about this and complain about it being unfair, but i managed to hold my tongue. He ended up being in a good mood after this, and actually said to me that he didn’t think I needed therapy and that we need to stop being silly and remember we love each other etc

However I’m still going to speak to gp and keep working on myself, I think he did mean what he said but is trying to sweep it under the rug a little. I will also make an effort to communicate (in a nice way) when he’s hurtful etc and have better boundaries in this area

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 21/12/2023 17:26

Kind of feels like he said he doesn't like who you are but he likes fucking you and you've got a kid together so he'll stay for the sex and a bit for the kid.

thisbetheverse · 21/12/2023 17:29

@IncompleteSenten i agree, but I think he’s trying to say if I worked on myself he would like who I was. All I can do is try and if it doesn’t change anything, I know I’ve done everything I can for my daughter.

OP posts:
Copperas · 21/12/2023 17:32

OP, I think you are making an impressive start Good luck to all three of you

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 21/12/2023 17:34

Do ask your GP to check for other causes such as thyroid issues, anaemia etc. as well as depression.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 21/12/2023 17:43

I'm glad you had a better day. But I'm a bit 🤔 at him cheering up because he got away with having a lie in while you had to take the early shift.
He doesn't like having his selfish behaviour pointed out to him.
You could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of walking on eggshells, biting your tongue and letting him get away with shitty behaviour just to stop him saying mean things to you.
See your doctor and please for your own sake, have counselling just for yourself.
And read that book x

Y2Kchristmas · 21/12/2023 17:46

Million per cent agree with this

Outwiththenorm · 21/12/2023 17:46

Crikeyisthatthetime · 21/12/2023 17:43

I'm glad you had a better day. But I'm a bit 🤔 at him cheering up because he got away with having a lie in while you had to take the early shift.
He doesn't like having his selfish behaviour pointed out to him.
You could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of walking on eggshells, biting your tongue and letting him get away with shitty behaviour just to stop him saying mean things to you.
See your doctor and please for your own sake, have counselling just for yourself.
And read that book x

Indeed. He sounds like an arsehole and to quote many on mumsnet, you don’t have a depression problem, Op, “you have a DH problem.”

First imagine a non-grumpy, helpful, sharing 50% of the load, supportive husband who would NEVER mention your post pregnancy weight because he loves you and would NEVER say something to make you doubt yourself and feel like shit. Would you still feel depressed?

Now imagine what you’d say to your daughter if she was in a relationship like yours. Because that’s where she’s most likely headed if you stay in this one.

Flensburg · 21/12/2023 17:51

thisbetheverse · 21/12/2023 00:05

@sprigatito he is bad for criticising (part of it is he holds himself to very high standard and says he sees me as an extension of him which is why, that he doesn’t mean to be hurtful etc).

But I do think I have let myself get too low without doing anything about it. I will take your thoughts onboard but I do want to take some responsibility for how things are too

This sounds very unhealthy. You are a separate person, not an extension of him.
Loving with someone who constantly criticises you for not living up to their expectations would make most people depressed.

WorriedMum231 · 21/12/2023 17:54

KittytheHare · 20/12/2023 23:28

That sounds like such a cruel and nasty thing to say to someone. Also in no way helpful in moving forward. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Have you asked him what exactly he means by his statement?

It really does depend on what’s been going on though doesn’t it.

OP have you thought about relationship counselling?

TheGhostOfTheOpera · 21/12/2023 18:01

I’ve taken steps already today in terms of thinking about what I say / how I say it, and it does seem to have made a difference. For example we both were up with her during the night, and this morning he didn’t come downstairs until 11am (I got up at 7). Usually I would make a remark about this and complain about it being unfair, but i managed to hold my tongue. He ended up being in a good mood after this, and actually said to me that he didn’t think I needed therapy and that we need to stop being silly and remember we love each other etc

What it means is that things will be ok if you toe the line and never upset him.
When, actually, in a good relationship, you should be able to tell him you’re unhappy about the fact he isn’t pulling his weight.
Its not ok that you should ‘bite your tongue’ so he doesn’t get upset and he isn’t insulting you by saying you need therapy and and you are awful person!!

And yes learning how to say things Wo being too critical etc… helps. And maybe you need to learn more about that. You ALSO need to learn about assertiveness and having boundaries.

WhereDidILeaveMyMojo · 21/12/2023 18:12

@thisbetheverse “he said if I’m really honest I think you’re an terrible person to be around 1on1. Then when he saw my reaction he said not all the time 80% of the time.”

Saying that you’re “a terrible person to be around one on one” 80% of the time is not the same thing as saying that you’re a terrible person. He’s talking about his experience of how you are when it’s just the two/three of you, not a moral judgement on your character.

thisbetheverse · 21/12/2023 18:51

Oh dear it’s all gone to shit. I tried so hard today and he couldn’t do it. I asked him to help me make her dinner but sits gaming saying soon soon it gets to 6 and then it’s now my fault because I’m the shit mum that didn’t just go do it. The point was we’re both off work and rather than juggling/stressing making dinner and watching her I just wanted some help. Unfortunately I ended up shouting infront of my daughter I think I am really not well I am getting very close to going over the edge and tbh If I’m going to shout infront of my daughter then I can’t even say I’m a good mum anymore. I have nothing. I am planning on going for a walk soon as I don’t want to be at home around them

OP posts:
Nicole1111 · 21/12/2023 19:05

The more I read the more I think you’re in an abusive relationship where your partner is not doing his fair share, then when you (understandably) get annoyed with him and call him out on it he criticises you. Please have a look at this image and see if it rings any alarm bells.

Partner admitted he thinks I’m a terrible person
Thingumabob · 21/12/2023 19:21

I'm so sorry, OP. These are the actions of a thoroughly selfish man. All you asked for was some help with making a meal. What you got was fobbed off - while he enjoyed himself - and then:
'it gets to 6 and then it's now my fault because I'm the shit mum who didn't just go do it.' What happened? He told you you were a shit mum because you expressed unhappiness with his behaviour, his lack of support, right?

Then you get annoyed and you end up doubting you're a good mum because you can't somehow just soak up this treatment, this selfishness. Sorry for these hard words, but the truth is, if you could soak it up, bite your tongue, keep calm etc, that's not being a good mum, that's being a doormat. I don't think you want to live like this, and have your daughter live like this.

Time to work out how you tell him you will not put up with this kind of selfishness any more and that it is HIM that needs to change his ways, not you. Soaking it up will damage you - it already is - and damage your daughter. Her relationship with her father isn't going to be one of respect; she's watching him trample on you. Worse, her relationship with you will be affected too; she's going to ask herself one day why you put up with it.

This man makes me angry; he does not deserve your patience and forbearance.

thisbetheverse · 21/12/2023 19:23

Thanks @Nicole1111 its not many of those things really just not feeling like anything I do is ever good enough, arguing with any opinion I have (he says it’s because he has empathy for the other side but it’s literally going against anything I say about anything, I could say I don’t like jacket potatoes and he’d tell me why I was wrong). He also says he hasn’t said things that he definitely has and then it’s hard to argue with that. So all of that together doesn’t really feel like abuse just someone who is very particular. He wasn’t always like this.

I have taken myself off for a walk I feel awful for my daughter leaving her at bed time but I am not in a good state to be around her. Now just trying to not look like a weirdo hanging around bus stops 😂😭

OP posts:
thisbetheverse · 21/12/2023 19:26

@Thingumabob if I’m having a breakdown now though how will I handle raising her on my own I don’t feel capable. I’m so angry at myself for letting her down. She is likely better off without me I know that will sound ridiculous as no one wants to loose their mum but at this moment it feels true.

OP posts: