Mid-life break ups - do men find it easier to find new partners?

[Whatsgoingonwithmyhead]

The men I know of who have become single again in mid-life (late 30s onwards) all seem to have found it easy to find new female partners (including both new flings & new long term relationships), irrespective of objective attractiveness.

Whereas women have found it harder, even if attractive.

Is this a thing?

Most men do date younger, which expands the dating pool.

See so much of this! Particularly widowers and it is those who’ve had the happiest marriages that move in another woman very quickly -quite often a close friend of the defunct wife…

Me and DH are early/mid 40s as are many of our friends

Separation and divorce has become more of a thing for our friends over the past couple of years

Counting on one hand the number of couples who have now split (4) in the past 18 months

3 of the men are in relationships, one of them long ish term now (was divorced 2 years ago) and the other two going crazy on Tinder/new women every few weeks.The one other man single for now.

Of the women, one of them is getting married soon- she split up with the father of her young kids (they never got married) as she was having an affair- now is marrying the man she was seeing. It's been over 4 years since the break up

The other 3 women are (happily) single.

My husband commented about all the above recently. He found it surprising the women weren't dating to the extent the men are or having flings.

3 out of 4 of the couples broke up due to the women wanting to split, the other couple just simply hated each other so much it was mutual!

I suggested that the women are happy to be single for now and enjoy life with no man to manage/look agree/run his life

While the men are more in need of validation eg needing a random on Tinder to shag to help them feel like they're still attractive/have still 'got it'

Whereas the women are just content to enjoy being single for now

I know this is very generalised but this is how things have played out in my circle of friends

To conclude, yes I think men find it easier to find a new partner but it's more that they are not fussy whereas the women is happy to wait/be single/look for the right man!

In many cases, this is the answer.

They’re often extremely keen to replace their live in nanny and housekeeper with benefits. Ideally one that will pay more than half the bills too, and provide a nice big house, as well.

I was going to say I’ve noticed many widowers move on far far more quickly than windows.
and I was just thinking about the widower of a friend of mine who was with someone new after a matter of a few months. That someone was a close friend of my friend.
It made me really uncomfortable. Especially as they had small children.

Absolutely this

One friend divorced more than a year ago now, she's effectively a single mother (ex husband lives abroad) to two primary aged girls

She works full time, running around dropping to breakfast club/after school

Ex gets the kids generally for holidays or long weekends

Her argument is that he's a Disney dad, only gets the kids for holidays/fun times and none of the daily shit

He just says serves her right for wanting a divorce, but he was awful to her- I'd have wanted a divorce if I was married to him!

Anyhow he's now coming round to potentially changing some arrangements but it's v difficult as he doesn't live in the same country as her and the kids

Men who are widowed and who had a happy marriage are often great second partners because they loved their wives and were blissful.

women who are widowed usually have some grumbles about emotional load, being taken for granted and all the tedious fay to day irritations often written about on the relationships boards - which seem to be part and parcel of a happy marriage for women .

the middle aged widows who were truly happy in a hetero marriage, truly equal partners, truly understood and truly fulfilled by their relationship - well, I have no idea as I have never met a woman like that. And I say that as a happily married middle aged woman. If he died I’d be single.

Sadly women 40+ get menopausal symptoms one of those is to not put up with what we did before.

but if you state men are finding it easier that doesn’t make sense as they if straight will be meeting women so that would equal the same ?

Also most women have custody of children many men won’t take on single mums compared to single dads it’s high.

More women are cheated on compared to men so more women are warey.

Well I'm struggling !
3 years single in March, allways was a good partner.
Pulled my weight and then some, unfortunately my ex took this to her advantage and let me end up doing pretty much everything!
I agree with the comments about free time vs child care. I have mine every weekend and 2 days during the week every week unless it's a rare occurrence and I've a night out planned ( think 3/4 times a year maybe max).
It certainly doesn't feel like we have it easier from my point of view

Yes, because statistically more woman are single than men.

Ugh yes, I hate it that men can’t be alone. My XH, my DB, even my lovely DF all started new relationships ridiculously quickly after divorce/bereavement. It’s very painful for their DC, disrespectful to their former/late wives - and doesn’t even turn out well for them, as all three are bullied and exploited by their new partners. Just get a grip, learn from the past and wait to heal before moving on. FFS.

I’ve found in my experience a lot of women come out of long relationships, the kids are grown and they actually embrace the peace and freedom of being single to the point they can’t imagine ever being in a full on relationship again.

The longer I’m single the more I go off the idea of having a partner. My peace freedom and privacy is too precious to give up

The pool for decent, commited men is much smaller than the pool for decent women.

Good single men go quick as they are not messing about, dating mutiple women.

I personally cannot imagine ever wanting another relationship again. I feel pretty confident that I will never want to live with a man ever again.

Being single doesn’t seem like a terrible fate to me.

Women have to think about a lot when entering a new relationship, particularly when they have children. Men don’t seem to have these concerns. I don’t think men are as picky either.

I read somewhere later life men find it much harder to be alone than women - the women you know are probably very comfortable being on their own and are only willing to settle for the ‘real deal’…. Far better than settling!

I divorced in my late forties and a man would have to be a knight in shining armour who cooked every night (as well as half way decent looking with nice teeth) for me to even consider a first date!

Not many of these around and they wouldn't look twice at me anyway 😅

Sometimes think it would be nice to have someone to share the bills and go on holidays with but I couldn't be bothered with everything else that a relationship entails.

Very, very happy on my own. 20 odd years of feeling like I was put on the earth to look after everyone else, now I'm myself again.

I agree that men are often less picky and want to be validated/find a new housekeeper, etc.

But I’ve also noticed IRL that some people (men and women) who want a partner seem to ignore or overlook the reasons why previous relationships broke down. One friend is married to a workaholic, but she says that she didn’t realize what he was like, she accepted his claim that his first wife was completely responsible for the marriage breakdown. Umm, did you not wonder why his first wife left?!

Another ex-husband I know moved on quickly with a woman who’s clearly only with him for financial gain. He’s really traded down from his ex-wife, but he’s too daft to see it. She ignores his children and spends his money, it’s sad to see. I think he doesn’t want to be alone, tbh.

The calibre of single women tend to be better than single men and men are less fussy, they seldom care about her job, income, pretty flexible on looks. Kids tend to be with mum more so men get to date more frequently. Single dads are seen as 'sweet' and 'wonderful dads'.🙄

Yeah like so many men care more about her tits and arse over bad teeth or being too short.

I think men in their mid thirties to mid forties gave the widest pool of potential mates. They can be quite attractive to younger women because they’ve lost the brashness of younger men who are just starting out in their careers and are bigging it up.

I don’t know many women over 35 that find younger men attractive - physically maybe but not their mindset as much.

L

I think rich men find it the easiest to move on, if he is unattractive and poor he will struggle to find someone.

I think men have more choice after a certain age. The dating pool for mature men is expansive including more to chagrin of Mumsnet younger women.

Most men don't have to juggle their single life with children. Most women do. So their opportunities to meet someone and sustain a relationship are lower than mens.