Mid-life break ups - do men find it easier to find new partners?

[Whatsgoingonwithmyhead]

The men I know of who have become single again in mid-life (late 30s onwards) all seem to have found it easy to find new female partners (including both new flings & new long term relationships), irrespective of objective attractiveness.

Whereas women have found it harder, even if attractive.

Is this a thing?

Yes men need someone. Women dont. Plus thier standards are incredibly low and they dont need to consider the impact on the kids... they just consider meeting their own needs

Men let themselves be available. Women like to make choices.

I did OLD dating for a while and found men my age (50’s) had come out of long marriages and fell into 3 groups

Looking for a ready made replacement wife to cook clean and wipe their arse.

Bitter from their divorce and looking for a casual shag.

Deluded and chasing women 10/20 years younger.

The ones who seemed decent and actually wanted some sort of equal relationship with a woman their own age were about as rare as rainbow unicorns and had their pick of the bunch.

I've seen plenty of both men and women end up in new relationships swiftly after their past relationship end. There are some people who just can't stand being alone. Let's not forget, a lot of them probably intentionally ended their relationship to enter into a new one.

@SamW98 we share the same experience. I would add another group.

Those not bitter, but out for a last hoorah and find it lonely being on their own.

I have a friend who I once would have described as a lovely man. He's dating a woman now letting her pay for lavish holidays, weekends away all sorts and telling me on that it's all a bit of fun, not quite how she sees it...is my guess...

this thread has now got me questioning my DPs intentions with me. He was single for 2 years is mid 40s. We met in OLD and now live together. I hope I wasn’t she will do.

Dating is hard the older you get as you know what you want, but life makes you doubt people’s intentions. Not all men are she will do!!

@topgirlalways two years sounds as though he has taken time to experience being single and not rush into things...so in my non expert opinion I would hope you're okay 👍

I am pretty sure my STBX would find someone pretty quickly. He will take anyone so that he is not alone. Standards will go out of the window. The target would be younger than middle age women looking to have children. They will not have much time to get to know the older man and would easily get married or have kids with a divorced man. Me on the other hand are not looking for a man anytime soon if ever. My standards would be very high.

If the men in question have a stable job and a decent income with proof (previous marriage) that they are willing to be in a monogamous, committed relationship they will be in big demand. Those are all criteria that women want and are looking for, so they may find it easier than when they were younger but hadn't established a career. Also being married may have helped their social skills and understanding of what women want.
Studies have shown men care a lot less about a woman's job or career and more about her physical appearance, attractiveness and health. So women who were getting a lot of attention before they got married when they were in their 20s or early 30s now find they are competing with a larger pool of women. Every decently attractive women from 24 up for example.
While men in their 30s may have a lot more to offer than a younger man, and if they are reasonably attractive too with a decent personality they would find it probably easier to attract a committed partner.
Some of this is biological which a lot of women may be reluctant to acknowledge.
Women generally want a partner at their own educational and economic level or better (hypergamy) while men are much more willing to have a partner with less education and resources if they find them sexually attractive.

People who become single again in mid life have usually experienced a failed long term relationship. Women in this situation reflect and develop a deep sense of what they will and won’t accept in a future partner. They have a high degree of emotional intelligence and don’t feel the need to compromise or repeat past mistakes. Men base their decisions on less complex thought. Just my opinion.

@Riverstep I sort of know what you mean. I also think and this might sound a bit generalised, but I think long marriages take their toll on women more. So men see it as an opportunity to meet a new person and mess around a bit, but honestly I think women aren't wired the same way. Most of the woman I know really grieve a failed relationship, men just seem to click a switch...pisses me off to be honest..

From my own experience, fir me and my single friends, we’ve been in long relationships, done the marriage and kids bit and now finding ourselves singleton our 50’s, we’ve taken time to get comfortable being on our own, made the most of female friendships and realised that, although an equal partner would be nice, ww don’t actually need a man.

My son is now an adult and I’m enjoying my freedom to live life for me. I’ve got a great circle of friends, I go out socialising regularly, have several holidays and weekends away each year. A sexual partner would be nice but really that’s the only thing I’m missing.

Once women are in our 40s and 50s we are obviously perimenopausal or menopausal so with our fertility ending we can find we have different priorities. Also a majority of women seem to acquire a lack of ability to tolerate BS at this stage of our lives. Women find it easier to prioritize ourselves (after many years of caring, managing and doing a lot of emotional work in balancing a social equilibrium for others), say NO and are just not willing to put up with all sorts of crap now experience has helped as spot it so easily. Wisdom is setting in I guess.
As men are still fertile their brains are still prioritizing finding fertile females. As reproduction is a much more biologically risky and time consuming process for women, if we have already had kids we are usually happy to be the other side of the intense child rearing years.
If a woman is still in her 30s after her divorce and wants children however she may need to get very proactive to find a suitable man.

It all depends on how fussy they are surely? Anyone and everyone can find a partner if you're not too fussy

Well yes, another way to say that is how far you are willing to lower your standards to be in a relationship. This post talked about relationships so I was assuming we're not just taking about hooking up which is generally easy for women.

You see I can’t understand why you wouldn’t be fussy about who you choose to share your life with.

I can’t comprehend wanting a partner so badly that I’d settle for just anyone. Surely we’ll have a bar we set for a partner and won’t drop our standards?

Surely you can tell the difference between ‘personally I would be fussy and wouldn’t lower my standards’ and ‘I can’t comprehend why every other human has the same standards as me’..?

Co-dependency traits, financial insecurity,
being lazy around the house, wanting regular sex - all reasons that people would prefer to lower their standards than be alone

@Singlepringle1980 - how much younger is your ex's new partner? I am 31 and have downloaded the dating apps again and most of the men asking me out are 45 plus.

I do have a few the same age asking me out, but yea, a lot of them are that age!

So I’ve been single nearly 10 years since my separation and divorce. I e not even looked. I’ve 2 children, one autistic. I’m the primary carer with them seeing dad initially 40/60 split but more like 10/90 these days. I’ve no time to go out and meet someone. Would require babysitting etc. He on the other hand found someone after about a year, had another child, moved in and separated a few years later. So he did seem to move on quite quickly but has since been single quite a long time since.

My family and some friends eek more bothered than I am about me finding someone else. I do have lots of friends though who have gone through divorces with children and who are settled with a new partner and some remarried. These are women. One friend seemed to make it a full time job using dating apps and meeting prospective partners, couldn’t stand the idea of being single. Me, I’m just not that bothered. I’m told I’ll be lonely once my kids fly the nest, but maybe I’ll start looking when they’re older. Maybe not.

In my opinion and experience, men find it easier because there are much more good women in the dating pool than there are good men! Of course it goes both ways but the ratio of unreliable emotionally unintelligent men is much higher than that of women.

Added to the fact that in most cases (but not all) the woman bears the lion’s share of childcare and responsibility so has less freedom, time and mental capacity available to date and build relationships, as well as needing to be even more picky because you are potentially going to bring this person into your children’s lives (should you get that far) in a more significant way than a part time dad bringing a women, it makes the whole experience a much bigger challenge. Men have got it far easier!

I think a lot of the reasons have been outlined already but one thing I have noticed in life is that women are, generally, more open to being chased (in the none stalker way) which may also account for the disparity in attractiveness that you've noticed.

Whereas most men would find love bombing from a woman to be very unappealing

Most of the woman I know really grieve a failed relationship, men just seem to click a switch...pisses me off to be honest

Often men have left the relationship/marriage before it officially ends and they start to look for other options so are ahead of their partner/wife. It's why so many married men are on dating sites..they want to know there is a back up before they take the plunge to end a marriage. It's also why they say "the marriage was dead for years before" because they had emotionally checked out.

Why? Many men are in relationships only to meet their needs, sex, children, status, housing. I don't believe they value family/stability/being there for the long haul as much as most women do and they don't have the emotional or communication skills to maintain relationships.

Of course there are men who are not like this...we all know the "family man" type but they are not available!

I work in a very male dominated industry and by mens late 30s/early 40s you can see who will remain married vs those who are "looking around" for options. Also once someone has left a marriage they find it easier to leave another relationship so they tend to become less commited.

Men who are just out of a long relationship are more likely just looking for someone to have some fun with. Someone to go out with, have sex with. They're not so bothered about whether it'll be suitable long term.
Wouldn't like to question the hypothesis that this is more common among men, but I know several women who wanted exactly this after the end of their marriage, including myself. I had a lovely time :) and accidentally found someone I thought would just be a laugh, but who turned out to be much more than that. Probably wouldn't have dated him if I'd been looking for something "serious", either. Highly recommended :)

I think this is possibly due to the men not being encumbered by children. It's generally the women that have the children stay with them and the dads do every other weekend, meaning they have the time and the energy to spend with new partners.

@ErinAoife its not that flattering to the succession of women filing through your ex’s life though is it??? To think that you were chosen because of your availability or accessibility!!! I’m sure that you are a little more discerning in choosing a man! From what I’ve seen, most men just don’t want to be on their own so they will settle for anyone, however unsuitable they may be. Sad.