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Original poster

Partner's 'thing' about heels

102 replies

Leanne185 · 19/12/2023 10:02

My partner seems to have an excessive interest in high heels and is desperate for me to wear them during our intimate moments as a turn on for him. Is this common amongst guys and should I just agree and embrace this or a flat out no-no ?

OP posts:
Laffinalltheway · 19/12/2023 14:51

Redrose23 · 19/12/2023 14:42

Blimey…..wearing all sorts of get up in the bedroom is normal. For such a “liberal” site (and I’m not a liberal by any stretch” a lot of ladies in here are acting like she’s been asked to dress up as a hotdog or something. Heels are sexy, so are numerous other costumes and types of underwear, how is it remotely weird? It’s no news is it that many men are very visual. I delighted in dress up, I was the one getting the outfits, outfits turned to role play, makes things a bit more naughty and exciting when you mix it up a bit. Don’t stop at the heels, ask him more, does he like your sexy office getup, or maybe stockings and nice underwear, or was he envisaging more just the heels? Ask questions and make it fun

Edited

My type of girl! 😂😘

DGConsultant · 19/12/2023 14:57

Oh shit, ouch is all I can say to that one... Not a fetish I'll be indulging ever!...

pickledandpuzzled · 19/12/2023 14:57

Redrose23 · 19/12/2023 14:42

Blimey…..wearing all sorts of get up in the bedroom is normal. For such a “liberal” site (and I’m not a liberal by any stretch” a lot of ladies in here are acting like she’s been asked to dress up as a hotdog or something. Heels are sexy, so are numerous other costumes and types of underwear, how is it remotely weird? It’s no news is it that many men are very visual. I delighted in dress up, I was the one getting the outfits, outfits turned to role play, makes things a bit more naughty and exciting when you mix it up a bit. Don’t stop at the heels, ask him more, does he like your sexy office getup, or maybe stockings and nice underwear, or was he envisaging more just the heels? Ask questions and make it fun

Edited

That’s nice for you, wanting to dress up. The equivalent would be if he wanted to dress up. He’s asking her to dress up.

As part of an established balanced relationship that’s evolved over time, I wouldn’t be overly worried. I do object to women needing to be something extra to be desirable. It’s not enough to be us, we have to be shaved, oiled, made up, dressed up…

While simultaneously can’t bend down to pick up a pencil without being ogled.

pickledandpuzzled · 19/12/2023 14:58

Grumble grumble!

headcheffer · 19/12/2023 15:01

My DH is like this. I used to wear them pre kids a lot in day to life. Then Covid happened and no one wore heels anymore, I've had two kids and my feet grew in both pregnancies I've gained weight which would make it hurt to wear them and have sore feet from being overweight anyway and I don't think I even have any that fit me. He asks me all the time and it makes me feel so unsexy

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 19/12/2023 15:15

ModestMoon · 19/12/2023 11:39

I wonder if it feels weird because it feels like you're being asked to wear a costume? I wouldn't specifically wear heels because I hate anything that approaches role play, so a bedroom pair or changing into them would be off limits. But I wouldn't mind that someone finds them attractive and if I had them on anyway would happily indulge a request to leave them on.

I like the way you've framed it as wearing a costume.

It took me years & years (and a lot of stupid shoes, uncomfortable lingerie, etc) to really grasp that I have no duty or obligation to alter myself in any way for a man's sexual whim. And that I don't like fetishes, however mild, and have none myself.

I often felt like it wasn't me the man was interested in - just the shoes/underwear/whatever. It happened to be me wearing them, but he'd have responded exactly the same to any willing female in the same outfit. I want to be wanted as I exist, not as a convenient body modelling the props.

So ... yeah, tarty shoes are a fairly normal and harmless fetish but DON'T do anything you feel uncomfortable about, harmless or not!

VolvoFan · 19/12/2023 15:30

That's quite vanilla as far as fetishes go. My DH has a fetish for sheer tights. The more sheer, smooth and shiny they are, the better. He likes the feel of them against his skin. It makes him happy and it relaxes him, so I have a few pairs of 'bedroom tights' that I wear for him in bed during sex. We've also been ttc for a while and the more relaxed we both are, the easier and more fun it is tbh

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/12/2023 15:57

I've had a guy ask this before - it looks sexy and also I think it gives the impression that you were so desperate to get into bed with him you didn't even properly get undressed.
It's a very easy way to make your man very satisfied in my opinion!

dishyrishi · 19/12/2023 16:57

Wait til he asks you to buy him a pair, that was awkward

DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy · 19/12/2023 17:04

@DGConsultant not sure what balance and comfort have to do with it when they're literally just for the bedroom?

Milliemoos5 · 19/12/2023 17:13

It’s absolutely one of the most common ‘fetishises’ there is.. although I wouldn’t even consider it a fetish really tbh.. I don’t see this one as any different to a guy saying he finds it sexy when his partner wears sexy underwear

however, as with anything to do with sex, only ever do anything you’re comfortable and happy doing

DGConsultant · 19/12/2023 17:17

@DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy , I'm astonished that women can walk in them at all! Mind you, I'm also crap at iceskaiting. Some bedroom activities will require more balance than others, was the thought, ditto for the comfort as well.

daisychain01 · 19/12/2023 17:24

It doesn't matter if it's common or not, there are a million and one flavours of "what a man likes".

the only important thing is what you want and like doing. Anything else is irrelevant. If you feel uncomfortable about wearing shoes that aren't "you" then that's a sign it doesn't sit well with you and you're doing it to please someone else.

its pointless and degrading to do anything to please someone else if you get nothing from it.

Just say No, be an independent thinker.

knittedbonnet · 19/12/2023 17:24

I'm surprised that you hadn't realised that( at least western ) men in general tend to find high heels attractive.

Most aren't that bothered by the actual shoe, although some who have a shoe fetish will be, but how the shoes make the women's bodies look and move.

That's the reason women wear them, plain and simple. Why did you think that women wear something that damaged feet and prohibited movement?

Ponderingwindow · 19/12/2023 17:31

Pretty normal fetish

im ok indulging as long as I don’t have to walk more than 3 steps in them. I would never wear high heels out of the bedroom.

if it doesn’t work for you, no need to participate. We all set our own boundaries with sexual partners.

Digestivechocolatebiscuit · 19/12/2023 17:35

It's normal.. l had a partner who loved me in heels and stockings.. made me feel sexy too.
I so miss him.. ( Passed away too young) but l cherish the memories .. and the great sex life).

ChocolateCandle · 19/12/2023 17:37

I agree.
There's a difference between a fetish and just finding something sexy.

DGConsultant · 19/12/2023 17:41

Maybe It's because It is primarily visual, but as a "blind bloke", I don't really see the appeal. Understand the attraction obviously, but I'd be very much take It or leave It, personally. Wouldn't be a big deal for me, unless the woman really enjoyed/liked waring them.

AMuser · 19/12/2023 17:52

I can’t wear heels in real life but have 2 pairs of fake Christian Loubotins that my boyfriend bought me along with some agent provocateur stockings. They are vertiginously high but aren’t ever worn except at home. I love that my boyfriend loves me in them - I’m not uncomfortable with the idea as it makes me feel sexy too. He does have a self/confessed love of high heels and stockings and ruefully admits it’s an unoriginal thing. It’s so common just to be it wouldn’t be anything like a fetish. We have a lot of sex that doesn’t involve high heels or sexy underwear.

There’s certain things like I like sexually that he does for me and enjoy doing this for him. I’m a committed feminist and don’t feel in the slightest diminished or objectified. I wouldn’t do it though if I didn’t want to.

DixonD · 19/12/2023 17:58

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/12/2023 10:37

If he’s so keen, he can wear them.

But why? It’s nice to indulge our partner’s fantasies sometimes - isn’t that what sex is all about? Provided of course that everyone is happy and consenting. On the grand scale of things, wearing heels is extremely tame.

TLDRfuckers · 19/12/2023 18:10

What a load of pandering to men and I’m sick of reading the “it’s a normal fetish” “men are visual” bollocks that inevitably gets churned out.

if he can only get turned on if you’re wearing heels then that’s up to you OP to decide to go along with it or not. I think it’d get tedious quickly, funny how it’s never the women demanding their male partners to wear something so they can enjoy sex.

Ponderingwindow · 19/12/2023 18:17

I would say it’s an issue if it’s a necessity. As an occasional thing, I just don’t see the big deal with playing along with a partner’s fantasy. It needs to be reciprocal of course and declining should have no consequences.

VolvoFan · 19/12/2023 18:23

TLDRfuckers · 19/12/2023 18:10

What a load of pandering to men and I’m sick of reading the “it’s a normal fetish” “men are visual” bollocks that inevitably gets churned out.

if he can only get turned on if you’re wearing heels then that’s up to you OP to decide to go along with it or not. I think it’d get tedious quickly, funny how it’s never the women demanding their male partners to wear something so they can enjoy sex.

Do you not like doing things for men and yet expect men to do things for you? Sounds very one-way to me. Serious long term relationships are a two-way street.

Christmassss · 19/12/2023 18:32

OP you clearly don’t feel comfortable about this or you wouldn’t be posting.
It sounds like a fetish, does your partner need you wear the shoes to be able to have sex?
Do not wear them if you are not comfortable or if you feel like sex with him is more about the shoes that about being with you.
Posters that are saying it sounds harmless aren’t understanding the issue.

Ablondiebutagoody · 19/12/2023 18:32

Heels? Very tame. Is that the best that he can come up with?